Permanent Residence

How time flies when you are sitting home all day in your yoga pants eating Thanksgiving leftovers and job searching. I wish I were kidding. So, here is the quick 411 on what's going on here in East Texas. 

Chris arrived Saturday, November 17th around 10:00pm in a 1978 Minnie Winnie. In our Minnie Winnie I guess I should say. That he bought just for the trip down here. It was a good deal. It has a 440. I don't know what this means either, but it's make for good resale value I'm told. Since then we've continued to stay with friends an family. In guests rooms and on couches; sharing pots of coffee, stories of farm living, and dreaming of the future. 

So, what are you going to do now?  What brought you to East Texas? What kind of job are you looking for? As helpful and nice as everyone is trying to be, I'm sort of tired of hearing these questions.

We finally settled down at my sister's home. She and her husband have generously offered up their guest bedroom, guest bathroom and an entire shelf on the pantry to us. And until we have jobs and direction and a place of our own, Chris and I will be living with them.

We have been welcomed back with open arms. Strangers and friends are willing to help and offer what they can. It is still difficult, nonetheless, without a car to get places or an address to give, but I have hope. I know that I want because I'm human and I'm jealous of what others have. God will provide for us, but this intermediate stage (however often I've been here) is not easy. Applying for jobs online is tedious and timely. And it leaves me feeling overqualified, under-qualified and annoyed. I've never found a job by applying online, (yet I sit here doing it anyway...?!) but through connections and people and friends of friends.

I've been reading and writing and thought about posting several times, but with nothing new to say, I have opted not to. So, even without good news, or event-filled days I will write. I've made some new friends, been welcomed by old ones and feel at peace jogging and biking in the neighborhoods of my family members: Eustace, Lake Athens, Flint. We are getting to experience a second fall full of red maple trees and pine-cone filled yards. 

Thanksgiving morning I did a 5k Turkey Trot in Tyler before showering and driving home to Athens to spend the day with my family.  I am proud to say I was able to (barely) run the entire way, even without really properly training or doing much cardio for the past eight months. All thanks to the encouragement of a dear friend. I have much time in my life currently for afternoon walks, journaling, and cooking dinner (for my hosts of course.) Yesterday I got my beach cruiser off the trailer Chris pulled from New York and did laps around my sisters housing addition for over an hour during the evening. 

I've made homemade ornaments, decorated Christmas trees and painted festive designs on wine glasses. And I'm job searching. House searching. Considering some part-time, holiday sort-of job during this next month, but the idea of all that hoop jumping and back-flip bounding and training and rigamarole for a temporary job that I intend to quit as soon as I find something more permanent wears me out...

I can't believe I've been here three weeks already! 

For grace to trust Him more

A week ago today I arrived in Texas. I am back. For good. A one way ticket and so, here I am. Now what?

While waiting on Chris's arrival sometime after the 15th of the month, I've been spending my time with family, with friends, catching up, chatting and dreaming. And in no time at all an entire week has flown by. 

Moments have been difficult, when everyone else is at work and I'm left sitting in my pajamas drinking coffee and playing with the dog. I mean, who wouldn't want to be in that situation- except me? Here's the deal: I'm unemployed, uninsured, have no car, no house and have been working as a farm hand for the past eight months (ie not alot of money...) And, I want it all now. 

Admitting this makes me feel terribly selfish and faithless and most of all bratty. It will come. And I should appreciate the friends and family who will let me sleep on their couch and in their guest rooms and eat their peanut butter, but I'm ready to have my own place. I don't want (another) apartment or a rent house.... I want what I want. (Wow, Stef, really? Listen to yourself.) 

It's hard to come back to what I left six years ago and not feel terribly behind everyone else who is 32-years-old. But, Chris and I had NYC. We had what we had for a season, and it was where we were supposed to be. I'm just acting like a jealous child. So, onward and upward. Again, it will come.

I've been staying with friends, attending preschool fall festivals complete with pony rides, cake walks and bounce houses. I've been rocking sleeping babies, playing doll house and making Christmas ornaments. I went to a high school football game Friday night and watched my fifteen-year-old brother march in the band. I went shopping with my sisters and tried NOT to spend any money.  I applied for three jobs online, which nearly did me in completely. Job searching can be so draining. And more often than not it leads me to feel inadequate, hopeless and beat down. This is where Satan gets me: self sabotage and negative self talk. I'm under qualified, I'm over qualified, The market is bad, I don't know the right people, Why did I leave that desk job in Manhattan.....? These are lies. God has not forgotten me. 

...

As the plane descended into DFW airport last Monday David Crowder's song Leaning on the Everlasting Arms/ Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus pumped from my iPod. (This was before the "turn off all of your electronic devices" announcement was made. I was following the rules, ok.)  I could see the lights of downtown Dallas and the entire metroplex lit up. And that was it. I was shook. I felt home. I felt like it would all be okay.  These are my roots and now I was back. For good. No plan. No job. Not knowing much except that this is where we are supposed to be next. 

What have I to dread, what have I to fear, leaning on the everlasting arms?

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him,

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er

Oh, for grace to trust Him more