Five Months and Six Days

I made it through those first rough weeks, those first two months even, fine. Well, you know, all things considered - I did alot of crying and not alot of sleeping, but I felt well. Healthy. Happy. So, so very blessed. And here we are, approaching six months old very fast and I'm sort of feeling, blah. Very blah. Very bored and lonely and tired and fat and frumpy and like I'm losing any intelligence I had whatsoever each day that passes. I know the words to Raffi songs and how to fold a cloth diaper and how to cook dinner and entertain a baby at the same time.

Right now I'm wearing a sweater over my nursing gown (which is spotted with spit-up) and my fuzzy red Christmas socks. I've not showered. I've not brushed my teeth or my hair. It's 11:00am and what I have done is clothed my child (twice), wrangled her while trying to suck boogers out of her nose, washed a load of diapers (that are now piled on my sofa) and a load of Chris's work clothes. What I've considered, but haven't done, is eat an entire bag of "healthy Cheetos" called Bearitos. I opted for a banana and almond butter.

I've made a spreadsheet of costs for my potential Farmer's Market business and got lost in the numbers... I've got such mommy brain.

Most things cost money to do, which I'm trying to avoid doing... It is 40 degrees outside... I do have a five month old to take care of...  I know that this is a season in my life, but right now I can't see past my postpartum flab, way too many clothes that don't fit, the fact that even though my husband works two jobs, our bank account never seems to have enough money...

I don't know why I'm being whiney. Chris tells me to take another placenta pill and cheer up. I know tomorrow I can throw open the front door and perhaps go out for a walk (if Camille doesn't scream her head off one mile in...) since it is supposed to be 70 degrees.

I love my family. I do. Motherhood has changed me, and Chris, and our marriage. It's hard with work and church commitments for him to see her much during the work week. So, the last think I want to do when he comes home at 5:00 is throw a baby at him so I can go to the gym, or for a walk or for a manicure... Especially since 7:00pm is her bedtime and she can get pretty cranky by 6:00pm...

It's hard not to be selfish, but it's necessary to take care of me too.

I just feel like what I'm doing is immeasurable. And often routine and boring.  I know she'll be running around here in no time and I'll miss blowing raspberries on her belly and playing patty-cake on the floor. I do love her gummy grin.

Sometimes I want three more kids.  And sometimes I think, "I am so done..."

Spring Planning

Remember May 2012 when we lived and worked on a farm?! Yeah, sometimes we miss those days. Mostly we miss the glorious free organic fruits and veggies we got to eat on, all day long. That was the hardest work I've ever done in my life. And at times lonely. And cold. And rainy. And sometimes I felt like what I was doing wasn't going to matter at all... (wait, this sounds like motherhood...)

We've been trying to decide what and how much we are going to grow in our little garden and we always think back to our farm days. That was some really good eating. Good, quality produce and worth every penny we'd sell it for at farmers market!

Today, I bought some chard and beet seeds. Along with some flower seeds.  An older gentleman at church yesterday gave us some lettuce and arugula seed along with some organic, heirloom tomato seed. The variety slips my mind now, but it sounded feminine and divine. 

I guess I should mention too, that Chris built some tables to grow on this weekend.  They look so nice and well built to me, with screen on the bottom to allow the water to drain from the soil. "What a great idea," I said. "I got it from Martha Stewart," he replied, which was not what I was expecting to hear. After googling "building a lettuce table" he got several ideas and went from there.  The table building went extremely fast with his new nail gun, table saw and air compressor. Thanks to Craigslist (and my father...) Chris is (finally) obtaining quite the tool collection. As every man should. I get it.

Just like I need certain tools and gadgets in the kitchen, he need things in order to repair, build and create. And every woman should have a sewing machine, right?? I've just got to learn how to use the one my mom gave me. First, it needs serviced- just some regular  maintenance since it has been years- and then I need some lessons. We've decided to tear down the mini blinds in the kitchen that cover the large window that looks out into the backyard and replace them with some curtains. Perhaps this can be my first project, sounds easy enough... right?!

While Chris was table building this weekend, and knocking on strangers doors to ask them if we could buy the greenhouse (that looked pretty unused for years) in their yard, I did some hedging and some trimming and some raking. (And yes, the guy with a real Texas name of J.R., told Chris he'd sell us entire thing for $100. This will be next weekends project. Tearing down a greenhouse and then rebuilding it.) I love being outside, and probably more so since it's not too hot yet and it's been awhile.

Today was a grocery store visit and I made a purchase of new panties. I know this may be TMI, but I'm still wearing my "big butt" pregnancy panties. It's been five months... This is not good. I think I was a little convicted at last weeks MOPS meeting when our topic was marriage.  It was impressed upon my heart to buy some new post baby pretty panties to cover my larger bootay. And it's sort of funny, because I aways buy new moms pretty new post baby panties. Something nice for themselves, when all those Hanes Her Way look worn and stretched and boring. And yet, here I am, in these saggy, cotton undies... Whoops.

Rain is on it's way. Cooler temperatures. Which I'm sort of happy about because the allergies around here have been horrendous. Chris' coughing and sneezing and nose blowing kept us all awake Saturday night and Camille has her first stuffy nose. Poor baby. I bought no less than $40 worth of decongestants and antihistamines for Chris yesterday at CVS in the hopes that he can breath again, and get some rest. Camille will just keep on breastfeeding as she is now working on building her own immune system. And I will eat banana bread that I just pulled out of the oven. I'm feeling quite well. 

Five Months Young

 (don't you just LOVE her eclectic style... Mmm...)

At five months old I think Camille's going through a little growth spurt. She gained a pound over the last two weeks (8oz each week!) instead of her normal 4oz gain each week. I know this because I weigh her each Sunday. I'm not obsessive about it, I don't weigh her daily or before/ after feedings... but I do have a spiral that I've tracked her weight in for the past 4 months.  Since she's always been small. Which strangers often comment on. "How old is she?" "She's sooooo little." - Rude people. Rude.  Seriously. A new mom doesn't want to hear it!! I know, she was in the 2% in her weight at her 4mo. visit. (But that huge noggin was in the 79%!!)

I'm so happy to be able to stay home and raise this child. It's not always easy- for me, mentally- for us as a family financially. We are on a tight budget... but for me, it's well worth it. 

This morning I was slow to put her amber necklace on her (I just forgot.) We take it off of her each night... BUT,  as she seemed grouchy, clingy and fussy (gnawing on her fingers constantly) I quickly figured out the problem. I put the necklace on her, dissolved some teething tablets in gripe water (because she won't take them dissolved in tap water...) and put her down for a nap! 

Today the sun is shining, but it did get down pretty cool last night (30's). So we will put off our walk until the afternoon, then surprise Aunt Chrissy at work with some lunch and homemade cookies. (We usually spend our Friday's at my sister Chrissy's house, but she had to work today.) 

I'm grateful that our families are close and can be a part of Camille's life and growing up. They love this girl. In a couple of weeks my sister LB will be home from pharmacy school and we are going to visit the Arboretum in Dallas. Their Spring flower exhibit is always breathtaking. And this year I'll be one of those (MANY) people propping their baby up and trying to snap some photos. In the tulips. In the lillys. In the green green grass with the little waterfall in the background.

Time for a Little Creativity...

Whew... The last month has flown by and Dorothy Camille will be 5 MONTHS OLD in two days!!

She is changing every day and it has been so fun to watch. Her current new behaviors include wanting everything that mom has in her hands, especially my blue Nalgene water bottle. She has honed in on buttons and tags on everything and wants to put them in her mouth, obviously. She has started screeching now, which is rather unbecoming.  She was "talking" and now she talks in a higher register... But, when she's letting us know that she is dissatisfied with a situation (she's alone in a room, left to play alone, sitting in her bouncy seat too long,  doesn't feel it's necessary to put on pajamas after a bath... she screeches. In my opinion, it's her threat to start crying if we don't take action soon. She wants her way!!

She's learned to drop things. Fun. She rolls and rolls and somehow can turn 360 degrees rolling and scooting. While we are managing car seat time in the car a little better, naps have become hellish. After that four day hotel stay (where mom was always in the same room or she was napping ON mom) it has been a chore to get her back in her crib. How quickly a little break in the routine can snowball out of control. Some days are great, others ghastly. Sunday she took TWO, two hour naps. Monday we fought. Tuesday was really great and today I just won the battle of napping. Only after 45 minutes and reassuring her and loving on her in crib thrice!! That girl likes to fuss. And refuses to give up. Her behavior in her crib when she's kicking and pushing and screaming remind me of a toddler... We have so many more days of this I know...

She's still tiny, 12 lb. this morning. We are still in size 1 diapers (8-14lbs) and 3-6 mo. clothes.
I do love this girl though. She giggles more, loves bath time, always has a smile for her Papa and sings along when mom and dad sing- especially at church.
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Now about ME:

I continue to enjoy MOPS every other week and have joined a home Bible study on Tuesday mornings. It has been gorgeous here in East Texas and we've spend alot of time outside during the past week. Camille and I go walking with a neighbor or at the park. On day I sat her outside in her bouncy seat and I did some yard work. I'm ready for Spring!

Chris and I daydream about planting a garden.  We'd love to have something growing, even if just for ourselves. It's sort of late for the Spring season though, most farmers have things in the ground already. We did join a local CSA  and will start enjoying fresh veggies in early March. I've also found farms and co-ops and places to purchase organic meat which really excites me.

During our days on the farm I loved Farmers Market day. Chris, not so much. Heck, I enjoyed Farmers Market in NYC. It was one of my favorite things about the city- the Union Square Market... So, I've been brainstorming what I could sell at our local market. It starts May 3rd and I've been trying to come up with how I can make a little money. Personally, I think I'm pretty good at lots of things and not excellent at anything... So far on my list of what I could sell at Farmers Market:

Handmade Note cards (featuring my photography)
Handmade Baby clothes (my mom just gave me her sewing machine and I'm wanting to learn... but haven't yet... so, maybe not the best idea!!)
Loose Leaf Lettuce (this is our favorite idea, selling various mixed greens by the pound... But, it's Texas. And it's uber HOT in the summer. And we've not grown anything in this soil yet... But, I've always wanted to take advantage of this niche. I know it would be successful if we could just produce enough of the product.)
Homemade Granola and Muesli 
Homemade Raw Macaroon (4 flavors...)

I think that a consumable good would sell much better on a weekly basis/ overall.  What is someone going to buy once they've spend $10 on a set of note cards??

This is what I'm trying to think through/ work out currently. The best way to make a little money and get involved in the community. The market is moving to a new location in May and I think that it will be a real success. I also have to remember that it's an hour drive. And I have to leave home EARLY and I have an infant. And it'll be 100+ degrees some of those days.

That is why it has to be a GOOD freaking idea.

If you have one LET ME KNOW!
What would you like to buy at Farmer's Market? What's missing at yours? Do you buy baked goods when out on a Saturday morning buying eggs and cheese and tomatoes?

Midweek Update

Today we head to Dallas for Camille's FIRST overnight hotel stay. Three nights away from home... I'm trying not to overpack, OR forget anything. (Like our sound machine, man I LOVE that thing!) Chris is speaking at a teacher conference and Camille and I are tagging along. Mostly, I'm looking forward to cable TV and eating lunch each day at the Whole Foods two blocks away from the hotel. Exciting, I know...

Monday of this week we had our baby/ mama chiropractor appointment. Camille sleeps SO freaking well after these visits. It's really insane how that works. And just so you know, baby adjustments are more like a mini massage, not as abrupt or invasive as adult adjustments. Afterward, we had lunch with Alaina at the same quaint cafe we met at last time (big bowls of hot soup... delish). There is something on the menu called Adult Grilled Cheese that has avocado in it, and I'm going to have to try it some day.

Tuesday was Bible Study and today MOPS.  I know I don't have to go to all of these things, and since we are going to be busy the next four days, I considered staying home. Especially since it's bitter cold and windy out. But I'm on top of my laundry, and meals, and I long for fellowship and adult conversation these days, so we went.

Our craft at MOPS today was super easy and actually pretty cute. A scripture mounted on a frame with burlap and pretty scrapbook paper and one of those ribbon bows with a button center. Cute. AND, last time I came home from MOPS sounding like a six-year-old after VBS. "Look what I made for arts-and-crafts AND I won the drawing too!!!" The drawing was for some home organizer bins that were uber cute and from IKEA. I put them in Camille's closet.

Another funny MOPS story: today a mom approached me and asked if the green blanket in the nursery was Camille's. I said, yes it was. She asked where I got it and I told her how a friend just gave me alot of stuff after having three children of her own, and this was just one of the many blankets she gave me. This mother just stood there looking at me... "So, you didn't just buy it at Walmart or anything?"

I had seen her earlier in the morning carrying around what appeared to be a much older, dirtier, worn and well-loved blanket just like the one I had covered Camille with...

"I've stopped at every Walmart between here and Dallas looking for another blanket like that..." It's her four-year-old daughter Kate's special blanket. Evidently, Walmart doesn't sell them anymore. And they are on their second one already. I told her she could have it.  Really. Odd how that worked out, right?!
...
Let's see in other news, Camille has gotten really good at taking a 2-3 hour nap sometime around noon and I find myself not knowing what to do with this time.  Chris says I act like a drug addict coming down off of a high. I pace. I sit. I stand. I check on her every fifteen minutes... Crazy I know, but I sort of miss her.

Sunday I vowed to quit sugar. For now. For a little while. So, obviously on Sunday I only had ONE chocolate chip cookie. The next day I also had ONE chocolate chip cookie. Tuesday, two Thin Mints, a handful of M&M's and ONE chocolate chip cookie... Today at MOPS I dove head first into something called Praline French Toast Casserole. So, that NO sugar thing... it hasn't gone over very well. No yet anyway.
...

Chris had a second interview last week for a High School Assistant Principal position. We've been waiting patiently this week in hopes to hear something. No news yet.

I want him, so badly, to enjoy his work- his time away from us. He is so capable and intelligent and, well, it's be rough to say the least.  I know God has a perfect position for him (we thought it was this one...) His ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts. He has something. I know He does. Waiting is hard though. And interviewing can be exhausting, I've been there.