Holy Yoga Journey

$3,000

That is what is keeping me away from going forward this this thing that I deeply feel that I've been called to.
Well, that and a nursing toddler... I need to wean my child before I can go on a weeklong immersion in Arizona....

I went on a Holy Yoga retreat weekend (Jesus at the Core) in January 2013. The thing is, I was already pregnant at that retreat, I just didn't know it... So, all that I enjoyed and loved and really wanted to pursue was put on hold. So, here we are two years later and I still keep thinking about my experience and how I really might actually feel called to do this thing.

The training includes a 9-week webinar training that is two hours once a week, followed by a week-long retreat in Arizona. No kids. No spouses. And it's $2,895 plus the cost of the flight. People, I don't even have enough money for Christmas gifts this year.  I've got Camille a copy of Goodnight Moon under the tree and that's it. (Seriously, what kind of house is this without Goodnight Moon?? I think we all assumed someone else would buy it, or someone else had bought it, all the while my fifteen month old has never heard that Margaret Wise Brown classic. Horrors!)
And wouldn't that money be better spent on getting Chris a vehicle that runs?

Chris is still teaching math and holding down a job that he does not like. Boo.
AND, we are now leading worship at Calvary Baptist Church... praying about a part-time staff position. Which would basically pay the rent....

Sigh.

And Holy Yoga. So many people have these negative, preconceived notions. I wonder if it would be an uphill battle trying to convince people, "it's OKAY y'all"

Chris asked me if I wanted to do this to make money. And the answer to that is, "not really." I mean yes, with a yoga certification I could teach yoga anywhere. But more than that I see it as my ministry. A way to teach to bring edification and love and Jesus to people who are hurting.

So that's where I am with it all... I haven't put down a deposit. I haven't scheduled an interview. I don't know how I can take a two hour call once a week with a toddler. And I don't know who I can leave that daughter for a week since she still nurses.

But I want to be obedient. And if it's what God wants, it'll happen. In His time.

Three Chambers in New York

Camille in NYC, Oct 2014

(First, I'd like to thank whoever prayed for my daughter to get a good nights rest last night. She went to bed at 7:15pm and only woke at 3:30am to nurse! And, she didn't get up for the day until 6:30am! AND she's napping right now!!! Has been for over an hour!!!) 

...

Our week long trip to New York went very well, better than expected in most ways. Camille did amazing on the four hour flight and wasn't that very-worst-child-you've-ever-experienced-on-a-plane. She was actually her cheery, engaging, flirty self. AND even though I'm glad I had books and toys and snacks and a special buckle toy made JUST for this flight, and an iPad with baby interactive games and child headphones I borrowed... she really just wanted to people watch, occasionally look out the window, and play with the TV screen on the back of the headrest in front of our seat. 

She slept very little on the way to NY, and crashed the moment we got on the plane for our return trip. Unfortunately, we sat waiting to take off FOR AN HOUR, but she napped about two hours in my arms nonetheless. She didn't understand why she couldn't sit in the floor during turbulence and HAD to sit in my arms, but she got over it. 

I really don't know what we did for four hours. Some sleeping yes, but mostly it was five minutes of this book, four minutes of that music, ten minutes of snacking, two minutes of window watching.... all adding up to one flight.

Little Ladybug in Times Square

Going to New York with Camille was a little difficult, and not in the way one might expect. For me, it made me miss my old life. I had five years in the city. I had a rhythm. I had my life down, my city life.  With Camille in tow I knew it would be difficult to DO NYC like I would normally DO NYC. But, really it was just impossible. No journaling in tiny coffee shops. No visiting the farmers market daily. None of the little restaurants that I'd longed to visit again. No Sokerbit!! Hauling her around and taking everything we might need for the day was just exhausting. By day two, I realized a mid-day trip back to the apartment for napping was necessary. 

But, I changed my attitude and did what I could. We are grateful for this girl. She brings us such joy and LIFE into our home. 

We got bagels at Essabagel one morning. Camille and I played on the playground at the park in our old neighborhood, the park where I used to volunteer and clean out flowerbeds.  We visited Times Square on Halloween and Central Park at dusk. Camille danced on the BIG piano at FAO Schwarz and watched ice skaters at Bryant Park. It was a good trip. But mainly because we got to see so many of the people we love and miss. Honestly, we spent almost more time in friends apartments or catching up somewhere for lunch. 

And that's really why we went. Yes, to see NY, but more-so to introduce Camille to our friends and to spend time with them. I went to the weekly women's bible study at our old church, Trinity Baptist Church, New York and even attended choir rehearsal- just to see familiar faces and listen in. 

...

In alot of ways it feels like a lifetime ago, NYC. Maybe that's just what having Camille around has done. Even if there weren't NYC, I'd have trouble remembering my life before her. I do mourn those days- up early out late. Doing what I want to. Skipping a meal. Eating cupcakes for breakfast. My size 4 pencil skirts and 3" heels have been replaced by Adidas and yoga pants.

It's not right or wrong, it's just different. And this is the season of nursing babies and stretching a dollar and meals in crockpots and going to bed early after watching Parenthood on Instant Netflix. 

Anyway, New York City was good. I don't think I want to move back there. Not with little ones. Not into Manhattan. It's too fast and edgy and young. Like I was back then. 

View from my cousin's mid-town apartment where we stayed

Breathing Room

Camille, 14 months old, November 2014 

It's 2:15pm.
My daughter JUST went down for a nap, and thus, I ran toward the computer....

It's been two months since I've written. And in that time we've moved again... (just to the other side of our duplex, but still...) It was worth it- but it was still moving. During the Thanksgiving holiday my husband built us a computer desk (no big deal, right?!) so we can utilize the Mac Mini instead of simply the Macbook and when it comes to blogging- it's gotta be the mini...

So, here I am.

Perhaps in the coming days I will tell you about our second move, or our visit to New York City, or leading worship, or Thanksgiving, or joblessness, or how my child is running me ragged. But for how, here's what you're going to get: Me.

First of all, I'm diligently trying to observe and pause and read my Advent readings and reflections at some point each day. Ideally, that would be in the morning over HOT coffee while watching the cardinals and squirrels play in the leaves in our backyard. But I have a toddler. She wakes me up at 5:30am. I get zero alone time in the mornings. And I don't drink hot coffee. Last night I read after she went down for the night.

We put our Christmas tree up while Chris was off work. It looks wonderful in our big, bay window (which is one of the many reasons we opted to move to this side of the duplex!) Camille and I have been gathering acorns and tiny pine cones and these wonderfully curious burr oak acorns. I've painted some with silver glitter and put them in a big glass jar. Additionally, since I have SPACE now, I've sewn a few Christmas buntings as well. (Evidently I should be selling all this on ETSY. $18 for some acorns painted white and strewn together with simple twine?!) Another way we are enjoying the holidays is watching the Radio City Christmas Spectacular on Instant Netflix. Camille LOVES the dancing and the singing. We don't watch TV all that often, but this is my "go to" when I need to fold laundry or finish up dinner!!

If you thought I was crunchy before, I've taken it to an entirely new level this week, though not intentionally. On Sunday a friend gave me some kiefer grains and they are currently doing their thing in a jar with some organic, whole milk on my counter. I tried a batch over night and while it smelt wonderfully fermented, like sourdough bread, it didn't thicken at all. So, this is my second batch. I fear it will not do much better...

Additionally, the frozen organic chicken carcass that I purchased from a local farm which has moved THREE times with us in the past year, is finally thawing in the refrigerator. I will make bone broth this week. (I had intentions of doing that while pregnant... it never happened!) I also bought some elderberry syrup to give to my croupy baby girl who can't seem to shake this snotty, coughing cold she has had since Thanksgiving. It's just gotten worse. Sunday night she even ran a temperature, although that could be from the molars that a starting to poke through...

Seriously, Sunday she napped for 45 minutes. Monday she napped 45 minutes. And this morning she only went down from 9:45-10:00. While she may be transitioning to one nap a day instead of two, that one nap is going to need to be at least an hour and a half, if not two hours! She wears me out. Which is why I'm finally back at my pre-preganancy weight (14 months after giving birth).  I never get to sit down. She is a demanding little girl. Right now, she wants my undivided attention. She has started throwing little fits (most recently this morning when I would not give her the manicure scissors.) And any time I complain about this, that or the other thing my mom says, "You did the same thing..." AHHHH! Karma's a bitch. She still nurses. She still wakes 2-3 times each night to nurse. She still loathes her car seat. She still cries when I leave her with her dad.  Some days I don't know if I can handle more children.

She is very sweet though. She loves chatting with people everywhere we go, smiling and engaging them in conversation. She is very curious and happy- as long as mom is within sight. She can get on and off her rocking horse and loves to climb. She understands so much and nods her head "yes" or shakes it "no" when we ask a question. Just yesterday while making my bed I was singing "Three Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed..." And off she went. She came back moments later holding her sock monkey. I love it when she makes connections like that. Like when Santa Clause came on the Radio City Christmas show and she went to the bookshelf and got our gnome. (close, they look a lot alike!!)

I am really enjoying yoga (when I get to go). And I'm also giving thought to becoming Holy Yoga certified (again). I shelved the idea when after the last yoga weekend I went on I discovered I was pregnant- yet had no idea at the time...

Here's to finding a little space to breathe sometime TODAY!
Cheers.