Flexibility

Flexibility. Change of plans. Spontaneous. Call it what you will, I struggle with all of them. I have a calendar, a planner, a list and I really strive to stick with it. Even if nothing is on my agenda for the day, I can't suddenly meet you for brunch with an hours notice. I'm not likely to travel downtown for drinks when you call me at 6:00pm on a Saturday night. I'm just like that. If I have nothing planned, then that's what I want to do: nothing.

It's a little selfish, and alot that I'm just not wired like that. This is why I don't do well with the whole, "let's just jump in a car and see where the road takes us" idea. Roadtrips: no destination in mind, no agenda, just the open road and a full tank of gas. As God would have it, this is how my husband loves to travel.

But, yesterday, as I was walking out the door at work, raincoat on, purse weighing heavily on my shoulder, I get the news that a friend was looking for someone to go to the Sting concert at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. The show would begin in three hours. And I was headed to an hour long appointment downtown and Harlem is uptown... BUT--- I stepped beyond myself and said, "Yes! I will meet you there."

So, what could have been a whirlwind of frustration and a logistical nightmare, turned into an amazing evening. After acupuncture I had an early snack-ish sort of dinner at Whole Foods: Energy Salad, Detox Salad- think sprouted things and raw veggies, baked tofu and eggplant. Then I leisurely made my to the Sting concert. Therapeutic indeed.

I love live music, but this was a deeply rewarding experience. Mostly because my dear friend was a backup singer for Sting during a previous tour, so she was able to give me the inside scoop on who's who and what's what. She is an amazing singer/ song writer and plays piano regularly at the church I attend. Her husband is also a musician and producer... she amazes me.

It is apparent how passionate Sting is about his music; about telling a story through song. His lyrics are provocative. His body language says that he believes in the gospel he's preaching. Watching him perform in-front of an entire orchestra left me full of life. The stage was an ocean of reeds bobbling up and down, four percussionists pounding, and the conductor was just as phenomenal to watch as Sting himself. She was just plain sexy- swaying and reaching, her hair flying to and fro, her bare shoulders reaching out and up. I simply love watching artists do what they do.

When you are passionate about what you do, it shows. When are doing what you were put on this earth to do, you are happier. It's just music. But, it's music. This night will make me feel more alive than possibly anything else I've experienced all week, and that makes it worth it.

Lenten Learning

It's amazing what a week can do. Or forty days. I started out lent giving up processed foods. And I did miss crackery-snack things, canned soups and Luna Bars. (I am in love with Chocolate Peppermint Luna Bars.)

Then, about three weeks into Lent, I started going to the Yinova Center. For all practical purposes lets say they specialize in Acupuncture, Chinese Medicine and women's health, for the most part. During my first visit there, I was encouraged to omit sugar, wheat and dairy from my diet. So, that was that. I took this knowledge and applied it. It's worth a shot if this might be the remedy to what ails me.

And since I haven't filled you in on my alternative medicine experience, I will let you know that I have really enjoyed it. Today will be my third visit (Somehow last week my appointment didn't get scheduled appropriately. I'm assuming it was a simple miscommunication with the gal at the reception desk because I'm pretty sure I said "Put me down for Thursday at 4:15 and if I need to change, I will call you." But that is neither here nor there. However, I was upset about it last Thursday.)

It's been four weeks now. No sugar, no wheat, no dairy. An herbal tea to drink twice a day that tastes like dirt. And a Liver Detox. (Don't judge. I'm just gonna do it for now.) And I receive acupuncture treatments which leave me feeling invigorated. This was my first experience with acupuncture and during the first visit when, after she had the needles in, she said, "See you in thirty minutes. Have a nice rest." I was like, "Excuse me?? What??"

Thirty minutes? I have to lay here for thirty minutes. I don't even lay around on my couch for thirty minutes. In my own home. In that moment I was immediately reminded of a quote I read by Leighton Ford in the Daily Office book months ago:

"When I am still compulsion gives way to compunction. That is when God can break through the many layers with which I protect myself, so that I can hear his Word and be poised to listen...

I can mistake the overflow of my adrenaline for the moving of the Holy Spirit; I can live in the illusion that I am ultimately in control of my destiny and daily affairs.

Blaise Pascal observed that most of our human problems come because we don't know how to sit still in our room for an hour."

So, I did some full-lunged inhales and exhales and laid there for the complete 30 minutes. And it

was quite nice actually. I don't know if I love it yet, but these things take time. I would recommend it though. I do look forward to it and I do think it is amazing. So, we'll see.

So, I'm still dairy-free and wheat-free and sugar free. But I have had some soy crisps and a coconut based frozen dessert that I swear tastes just like ice cream.

More than giving-up of something (because now I'm facing new dietary restraints), I feel like I was really purposeful about meditating and preparing my heart this Lent season. It was an entire forty day journey. I realized that it's a daily choice we make, to live under grace and walk in freedom and joy. Our circumstances do not determine the reality of the resurrection. And I have so much to be joyful, joy-filled about and it should show on my face and in my step.

...

I took these picture yesterday morning on my walk to the train. The Church of the Holy Trinity is on 88th street between First and Second Avenue and I've been purposeful about walking past it this week. It's just gorgeously landscaped, the trees and flowers are in bloom. It makes me happy.

Lent this year was a lesson for me in setting aside time for quiet. To walk slower and take notice. To me what may seem unproductive and boring is necessary. It's nourishment to my spirit, it's at the core of who I am. How can I hear if I'm not quiet? How can I receive if I don't calm down and just sit, opening myself up and "lift up my heart" as I read on a banner hanging outside another church I passed earlier this week? I felt like that banner was there for me, that I had walked one block too far and had to turn around just to see that banner: "Lift up your heart."

So, for me Lent was more than what I could sacrifice and realizing he's already given the ultimate sacrifice. As our pastor stated in a recent sermon, "he is our scapegoat" and that image has truly helped me.

Lent has reinforced and reminded me that body, mind and soul- they are more integrated and more intertwined than I'd like to admit at times. Reading the Easter story and reflecting on the life of Christ during the week surrounding his death, burial, and resurrection, reminded me of how he was 100% God and 100% man, and he's walked this earth. And I find great hope in that.

And the rest of Easter weekend

Saturday I didn't get out of my pajamas. There I said it. It was a rainy, foggy, muggy day- so the weather was perfect for lounging. And even though we left the the apartment for a trip to the library and the grocery store- I still kept my yoga pants and long-sleeved t-shirt on. I simply threw on my galoshes and a raincoat and Viola! New York City here I come!

I did go to the gym too--- again, not much in the way of "getting ready" there either.

It was a restful day; yet still a bit productive. I put away my heavy sweaters, tweed skirts and leggings, did some laundry and cooked a weeks worth of food. I love planning and prepping my food on the weekend: huge vats of quinoa, a big pot of lentils and steel-cut oats that I portion out into individual containers for the work week ahead.

Sunday morning we were at church at 7:45AM! Hallelujah! He Is Risen!

I love Easter Sunday morning and being able to celebrate with my church family the Victory over the cross. The service opened where we left off on Good Friday, with "Were you there, when he rose up from the tomb?" sung a cappella, from the balcony, beautifully by the amazing Jen Harvey. Then Heidi entered with the last candle extinguished during our Tenebrae service. It was all just so simply symbolic and nice. (I know I'm partial because I'm on the Worship Executive Team, however, I'm hopeful people "got it")

The choir sang. The mood was jubilation. And the newly finished, women's restroom was open for business. It was a good Sunday. (However, now that the old women's restroom has become the men's room--- I'm wondering how many near catastrophes there were Sunday morning.)

After church we headed home to our crockpot bubbling up with roast, potatoes and carrots. Chris made gravy to accompany the roast. And I made a huge salad.

And the weather was superb! I even told Chris, "This is the day I've waited for since October." I got to spend time on the sundeck reading and journaling. Chris and I both made phone calls to family and friends back in Texas. I just felt rested and ready to hit the week after a beautiful three day weekend.

Easter provides comfort in knowing that our Savior not only empathizes with us, but he experiences my pain with me. He's been here, he knows just how messy and unfair and rough life can be. Easter is the foundation of our Faith- as Christians. He rose. His life gives us hope that this world and what we can see is only part of reality, only part of the picture.

When Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James found the empty tomb they departed quickly, with fear and great joy to tell the news. Where God is sending us, may bring great joy and also fear- but that's okay as long as we move forward. As long as we move quickly into obedience.

Most of the time, the way God orchestrates things, isn't how I would like to see things unfold. Death on a cross? Pretty sure none of the twelve saw that one coming either. But justice had to be served. Blood had to be shed. The price had to be paid. With out Good Friday there would be no Resurrection Sunday. But, being obedient in the small things leads to obedience in much larger things. To those whom much is given, much is required.

The Bible is not a book of fables, fairy tales or parables. It is Truth. It gives me promises to stand on when I am afraid, when my feet feel like they're stuck in cement and I can't run and all I want to do is sit down and have a glass of wine and cry for an hour. That's when I know God is doing big things. When I'm pushed out of myself and into his grace. He sees me so differently than I see myself, he knows my worth. He's given me grace.

He is Risen!