Tuesday? It's only Tuesdsay???

It has been a rough week already so far. Emotions have been running high. Like someone just turned the knob all the way around and around and feelings are just flooding out. Make it stop!!!

Saturday, I was lucky enough (seriously), to spend the entire day at home - mostly. I did laundry (bedding and towels and blankets and baby things that have been given to us like play mats and the lining from the inside of swings.... I even washed Bella's bedding.) Dusted. Vacuumed. Swept and mopped floors. Bathed my dog. Went through a few more drawers and cabinets trying to rid myself of anything that I haven't used or seen in awhile.

Chris and I did take a trip into Canton and I went to the grocery store while he went to the autoparts store. Grocery shopping in middle America is still difficult for me. Fresh produce and organic selections are limited. I do know people who take coolers to Dallas to visit Whole Foods or Central Market, but I'm hardly ever in Dallas. And who has time to make a special trip??? The last four cantaloupes I've purchased have been a huge let down. Three of them ended up in the trash. Local. Organic. One from Arizona... I'm through trying. And the Texas peaches have had a hard year. So it's all Georgia peaches, local okra, local tomatoes and (more) local crooked neck squash for us right now.

By the end of Saturday I was zonked and sore. I could tell I'd been up and down and on my feet most of the day. It did rain a little at our house Saturday too, which wrapped up the week-long scattered showers that we've been receiving. I haven't had to water my flowers in a week, and our grass is actually a little green now.

Sunday, I lasted about fifteen minutes inside the church before completely loosing it, getting frustrated, being overcome with emotion, and suddenly feeling hot and sweaty. I left. Went home. Immediately changed out of my cute dress, wiped off my pink lipstick, turned the ceiling fan on full blast, laid in bed and cried. (After the sweating and crying and lipstick all over my face I decided NOT to have Chris take that 31 week picture of me Sunday morning that we had planned. So, what you see below is what you get, for now...)

After five-ten minutes of that, I decided I better get my butt up, start reading the lesson plan, and have a piece of cake left over from my sister's going away party. (She moved to Amarillo for pharmacy school.)

Hormonal? Yeah, probably, but I still felt upset, bothered, bitter and lonely. I found out, upon walking in the church, that I was going to be leading a Vacation Bible School class of kindergartners. Oh, and VBS started at 5:30 Sunday night. So, how's six hours for prep time? (And let me be really honest here: I'm not a fan of VBS. I'm just not. I'm really still not a fan of kids. I'm not a good teacher- it's not where I've been gifted and despite being seven months pregnant, I don't suddenly want to be around children. Something else you may not know about me: I've never babysat. I never jumped at the chance to volunteer at children's church or teach pre-k Sunday school. And I think that is okay- with God, if not everyone else.)

So- here I am teaching kindergartners about Paul, and making earthquake shakers and singing songs that sort of convict me a little about my bad attitude. I just mainly had to get over myself and my desires and DO this thing. Two days in and I'm surviving. Just overwhelmed with kid energy at times. Thankfully I have a fourteen-year-old helper who chases them down the hall when they escape.

All of this was because someone with more problems and bigger issues than myself just up and left town Saturday night. No one really knows why, she didn't tell anyone why, but I have my assumptions.... Shouldn't I slap a smile on my face, say a prayer for her, and just realize this is how God planned it all along??

And, yesterday we got some heartbreaking news from some friends we love dearly. People who are far away and hurting and it feels like they've hurt for so long. Like they've had enough pain for one lifetime already. And I don't know what to say to them or what I would say if I were there. I think just being there would make us all feel better, sharing the hurt somehow in hugs and tears and lowered glances.

I know my baby can feel and experience and be affected by my racing heart and anger and fear so I have to let it all go, as best as I can. I have to take deep breaths, pray through it, use some eucalyptus pulse point cream and remember God is still God.