Over the River, and Through the Woods

Only, there's no river... and no woods...

Today is our first Christmas gathering with friends. Because I'm not working right now, there is not an office party. And there's not a Sunday School party, or spouse Christmas party. BUT, today we are going to Tyler to have late lunch with our dear friends the Stockhammers. Their two daughters FINALLY get to meet Ms. Camille. Tessa is four and Micha is one. I know they will LOVE seeing this baby girl for the first time. It has really amazed me how much little kids like a baby. Lora and I secretly hope that the girls will grow up as friends since they are so close in age (Micha- Sept. 18, 2012, Camille Sept 21, 2013) And our dear friend Alaina will be coming to join in the fun too! (With her wax pot, of course). Nothing says Merry Christmas like a little waxing fun!

I'm really looking forward to seeing our friends again. It's been 12 weeks of isolation, sort of. They've stopped by to see me, when they can (without the girls) BUT, just being with them in their home again will be nice. We always have the best of times.

Last week I also was able to go visit another friend and her daughter Caroline. Caroline is two weeks older than Camille. While her two "big girls" (2 and 4) were at Pre-K at church, it was wonderful just to catch up and talk mom talk. Plus, she's sort of an expert at this by now, or at least she can tell me I'm not crazy! Her daughter is an adorable 14lb, smushy, baby girl and my lil' munchin is still only her 9lb 5oz self... 

I'm not obsessive about her weight, but it still lingers in my head. Since she's still in newborn clothes. And newborn diapers... Poor thing. It's sort of good because at least she can wear her big cloth diapers underneath her BIG 0-3 month clothes! Even the 3mo Christmas outfits I bought her are still too big. 

The plan was Camille would wear all Tessa and Micha's hand-me-downs since they are born in the same month. They will be in the same season clothing at the same time, etc. etc. Camille has yet to wear their clothes. She's just so long and lean and not quite big enough for the 3 month clothes.

Sorry to bore you with that bit of information, but it's been comical. And, of course Camille's aunts and grandmas had to buy her more clothes because nothing fit.

...

Yesterday Camille and I went to my parents house to visit. Mom and I worked on holiday baking in-between playing with Camille. I love to see my mom and dad "ooing" and "cooing" over this little girl. It's really a wonderful feeling. Camille left with a baby's first Christmas ornament and I left with tins of fudge and Neiman Marcus bars. I'll add these to the dozens of chocolate chip cookies I've baked (and will bake) and something so wonderful called Christmas Crack. It really is like crack. Sooooooo terribly bad!!!

Babe's waking. 

XO

$pending Reality

I just adore this blue-eyed girl! We are spending most of our days inside now... it's cold, really where would we go? I have been getting myself into a little bit of trouble here lately, spending money. 

First, it is Christmas and I do love to buy gifts for people. I REALLY do.  Even if it's something small, I like surprising people and doing little things- for EVERYONE. So, besides the gifts we give to family and (a couple) friends, I chose 4 angels off the angel tree at church. And there is Lottie Moon, which is the Southern Baptist once a year offering which goes to foreign missions. 

And, a huge part of this issue is that I am now comfortable getting out with Camille and going and doing and spending... I have really great intentions to just get out of the house and go walking through the mall or the shopping center or Wal-Mart (or even the grocery store) but somehow I end up spending $50 or $60 each time. That adds up really quickly when you are living on one salary. And you have a car payment for the first time in seven years!

I didn't realize how bad it was until yesterday. Then I felt completely guilty because we weren't able to save this month... and I don't really WANT to give to that foreign mission offering. Chris and I discussed it last night and the odd thing is... God laid the exact same amount on both of our hearts, so I know we need to give. But I guess I shouldn't have bought enough baking ingredients to make enough sweets for the entire population of this one-horse town. 

God will provide. And I learned my lesson and know that I have to find a new way to spend these long wintery days with an infant. (Shopping online is probably even worse!!!)

And if being home is what I WANT to do, then I'm going to have to learn to give up some things. Nothing is as important as the time I get to have with this child. Not perfume or makeup or haircuts or new shoes or jewelry or manicures or furniture. Plus, don't I have enough already? I am so blessed. 

9-10 week old Camille

   

My present under the tree

My first Christmas

Aunt Chrissy's dog Abe loves Camille. 

And is uber jealous of Camille. And hates it when Camille cries.

Finger gnawing

And more finger gnawing

And more finger gnawing

Bundled Babe

Camille's First Thanksgiving

Camille with Chris' family 

Camille with Aunt Chrissy

and Aunt Laura Beth

Camille with Grandad Martin

Gobble Gobble

What a HAPPY girl!

Eleven Weeks as a Mom

In eleven short weeks my life has changed drastically. And I knew it would, but NOTHING can prepare you for the mayhem that is motherhood.

My current beauty routine includes: making sure my teeth are brushed (they are not brushed everyday, however, I am getting better about this!), wearing deodorant (again, not an everyday occurrence), is my hair brushed (not necessarily clean, but brushed.) I try to leave the house in a bra (often a nursing tank...) Yeah, that's about as good as it gets.

I have a new shirt. It's called a Moby. I wear it daily, and wash it when I can. And sometimes I wear my daughter when I use the bathroom. (I seriously wonder how common this is...) Hey, don't wake a sleeping baby, right?!

When I get my daughter down for a nap in her bassinet (a NEW thing in our home...) I am thinking, QUICK, quick, what can I get done??

Laundry?
Mopping?
Clean the shower?
Update the blog?
File bills?
Pump? (this is not something I am currently doing regularly, just here and there as I don't plan on being away from Camille for any length of time/ regularly any time soon.)

Monday, I cleaned both bathrooms, top to bottom, for the first time in about 12 weeks. I know this because I cleaned them a week or two before she was born. That is just gross people. But I don't regret it! My little girl is growing so quickly. BUT, it was nice to escape into some housework. Scrubbing the potty and dusting up small piles of hair is what I long to do. Not really, but it felt good. In some weird way.

I've seriously learned to do SO much with one hand. Luckily right now I'm getting to use both hands to type this blog entry.

While TV isn't really my thing, I started and finished all the seasons of Parenthood that are available on Instant Netflix. I had watched it before but couldn't really get into it. Now, that I have nothing but time, I decided to give it another go. I've also been watching Scrubs. Boy, that show got dumb in the last couple of seasons. I try to leave The Office, How I Met Your Mother and Rules of Engagement alone. Those are shows Chris and I try to watch together, so I don't want to zip through an entire Season in one afternoon... But I do LIKE them. This is what I do while nursing. Instant Netflix and read...
...
I'm enjoying seeing Camille change and mature and learn daily. She is turning into quite a happy girl after that first month of sleeplessness and constant fussiness. And the second month was a little better. I know how to read her now, although my mother says that will all change soon. She'll have me guessing again.

Today we made handprint ornaments out of salt and flour and I long for the days she can paint them with me. I don't want to rush her little life, but I try to imagine her as 3, 5, and 12 years old. Loving these moments!

New Norm

Early November, Camille was about 6 weeks old

After two glorious days of 80 degree temperatures, it is now in the 40's and tonight is supposed to bring sub-freezing temperatures and ice. Camille and I spent the last three days taking the stroller out - which I desperately needed. Yesterday we even went to the park to walk- a nice change of scenery after doing circles around the church parking lot. Twelve weeks postpartum and I'm still feeling big and squishy. I've got to do something... I'm not sure how much of the 40 pounds I gained I have lost. At our two week check up with the midwives I had lost 20... I may visit that scale again soon- the one at our Birthing Center. Sometime in the New Year. 

The holidays are different this year, mainly because we have a baby! And also because we are living in Texas. We DID live in Texas last year at this time, but didn't have jobs or cars or a house or much of anything... it was still all sort of new. And I was hopeful and dreamy.

And I year later I still feel relatively unstable. Let me explain:

I don't mention this alot on my blog, but one year into life back in Texas and I haven't connected with anyone. I have no people to do life with. No real friends. I AM grateful for my family- who I am very close to and my two friends from high school who have remained in touch throughout the years. BUT my day-to-day, week in and week out, it's pretty much been me and Chris. And now Camille. My friends and family have jobs and lives and school and stuff of their own. They live 30 miles away. I get that. We are all busy. Only now, I'm not, really. 

I won't really get into the membership/ current situation at our church, only say that there is no one there I can relate to. I'm not exaggerating. Plus, I'm not working a job right now. And we live 30 miles from any "town." I miss camaraderie and just being real with folks. 

And at Christmastime I miss NYC. Because that was the last time I connected with people. Maybe the first time I connected with people. I miss our Christmas programs. Our Praise Team practices. Worship Arts meetings. Small group gatherings in peoples apartments.  We all needed each other and had to have each other to survive. I haven't found those people here, but I'm sure I will. I just have to get to that place. 

I know, I'm a new mom and stay home alot and don't want to get out lest strangers approach me and try to touch my babies tiny little fingers. I just feel like I'm still growing. And now my daughters life and future depend on what I show her and how I teach her and the people that are in my life. I wish she could have know my NYC family. 

...

Baby girl is talking more and more and has seemed to finally realized that she's here now and can't go back to the womb. She's a good sleeper at night, waking every 4 hours to eat. During the day she's happy except when she's in the car. Wow, she really hates the car. Yesterday she sobbed the entire way to the park (a 10 minute ride). Tears and all. It was a more mature cry that a baby scream, stopping to catch her breath and cough. Poor thing. 

Which is why I hesitate to go further than a few miles down the road. Tuesday we took Chris to work in the morning (because he was picking up his motorcycle with new tires after work) and I decided to stop at Target. (A spur of the moment decision.) It was 8:00am. The store had just opened, and I thought I could make it work. BUT, I had left both carriers at home and Camille was NOT going to ride in her car seat in the buggy. Forget it. So, I carried her and quickly scanned the Christmas section, got a couple items I needed and got out of there. You know, so I could breastfeed in the car.

I can not tell you the number of times I have breastfed in the car. Already. It's silly, maybe, but it's what I have to do. My friends who say they breastfeed in their carriers and don't mind breastfeeding in a busy Barnes and Noble must have small boobs. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying, my nipples are pretty much pointing to the ground, at my waist. She can't breastfeed in the carrier. (Or maybe I haven't figured it out yet...) And, she's still so little that my boob is larger than her head. I have to help her stay attached. I don't mind whipping it out in public, but honestly, it's still sort of awkward to me at this point. 

So, I'm mommy-ing it. I changed two poop diapers in the backseat of the Rouge yesterday. One required a complete costume change. Poop was in her hair. Then she spit up, on our new seats. The ones we just made the first payment on. Nonetheless, I love this girl. This is my life now. 

I think she's discovered her hands, as she keeps eyeing her incredibly long fingers, like someone who just got a manicure. She's also mastered sucking her fingers and drooling everywhere. She doesn't really suck her thumb, but she can get both of them in her mouth at the same time- and sort of just gnaws. And I too, like so many people tell us, think she looks like Chris. More each day.