I Know He Watches Me

(at least my winter hasn't been this bad, Dec. 2010 NYC)

I haven't taken any photos lately. Or, at all really, since I've been back in Texas. Well, maybe a few I guess. What is my deal?

I don't think I ever mentioned it here, but during one entire family brainstorming session on "what can Stefani do with her life to make money?" the general consensus was that I should be a Life Coach. Sounds good in theory. I mean, why couldn't I be a life coach? The idea excites me, even. I know about, and feel I am pretty well read on the areas of food and health, overall nutrition stuff. I know about fitness (I was a weight watchers leader for about 6 months in NYC... after loosing 30 pound on the program myself, pretty sure I never mentioned that before either!) I am a good motivator, encourager (edification is my #1 spiritual gift, after-all) and support person. I'm strong in my faith and beliefs, I think I listen well and can be empathetic while still giving someone a strong dose of reality....

But, the idea pretty much died after that hour long saga.

We've talked farming. Opening a farm store (Think produce, eggs, organic meats and goat's milk- all from local farmers, not TSC). We've discussed a CSA. A co-op. Selling to local restaurants. We've dreamed of greenhouses and seedlings and made our wish list from the Johnny's Seed Catalog.

I've recently considered becoming a Holy Yoga instructor. I know it sounds hokey, but I think I might attend their next information session in Dallas.

I am pretty much applying for a job a day. No lie. I'm fighting off thoughts of discouragement with the Truth of scripture. I mean, it's pretty easy to begin doubting, not just your own personal worth, but your abilities. To be creative, or be a professional, or be desirable as an employee. It's rough out there.
...

We do have our own little home now. Right smack dab in the middle of Ben Wheeler, TX. Chris is now the part-time youth minister at FBC and with that gig came a house (and a small, small paycheck). So, we have our own three bedroom, two bathroom place now. And after one week, I've pretty much unpacked everything, except the media room. This will be Chris's movie/ guitar/ gaming room.  I know there are at least three huge boxes and/ or bags of cords and electronic guy stuff. Boxes of music and papers.  And some additional things he threw in bags after I had left the farm. I found a jar of Louisiana Hot Sauce in the cup holder of the Winnebago, okay? His things are sort of gross. Dirty socks and a coffee mug in a box of random mail and whatever else was in reach in that moment of packing I guess. I'm not sure the rhyme or reason.

I just keep wondering why I haven't found a job yet. What it is I'm supposed to be looking for. What it is I'm supposed to uncover or discover or find before this job of mine... Maybe I'm trying too hard. But it's after the middle of January already!! Where has the time gone?

At least I've been able to settle into our new place, unpack, organize, clean and prepare... for the days when I can't. Later, when I'm so busy working. We have everything we need (minus a washer and dryer- but we've had two offers for a new or used set to be brought to us - for FREE--- so we are just waiting on those details to be worked out.) God has provided. Faith is not an easy thing. Faith is not tested when things are going well. When I can depend on myself.

I look at the little birds outside my kitchen window and know that they are taken care of. They do not worry about their next meal or what tomorrow might bring. I'll be okay. Even thought these days may seem long. Something better is coming. It just has to. I know it.

 Chris amongst the snow in midtown Manhattan, Dec. 2010