Unicorns and Rainbows and Sleeping Babies

Two posts in two days? What??

Well, as I sit here, darling daughter strapped to my chest, snoozing in her ring sling, I though I'd share a little about how these seven weeks have gone. You know, instead of frantically uploading photos as quickly as I can and not really saying much. Cause that's how much time I have.....

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Well, that didn't work, as I suspected.

Ok, I'll try this again. I had to quickly abort that last blogging effort to sooth a fussy child. So, I hope to get something legible here, to share, because I'm able to type with two hands at the moment. A luxury that is quite rare for me nowadays.

All I can keep thinking is, "How do people do this with more than one child??!!" This baby requires my attention 24/7 and I don't see how mom's (or dad's for that matter) take care of and nurture and spend quality time with multiple children. Not when it comes to caring for a newborn. Or maybe mine is just high-maintnence. I read a blog by a girl a little younger than me with FIVE children. Her youngest is only a month or so older than Camille. And she homeschools. And her blog is updated... daily. And she's gorgeous and she leaves her home... more than once a week! It's nothing short of a miracle, really

My girl, she's fussy. I mean at first I chalked it up to all tiny, little, infants being fussy. Then, I realized when I'm around family/ friends (those rare moments and those rare friends who actually see us....) they comment on how fussy she is. If she's not at the boob, or sleeping, usually she's crying. Granted, she's still sleeping about 18 hours a day... and she eats 8-12 times a day... BUT, it has only been quite recently (like in the last week) that she'll sit and be content; be in in dad's lap or in her swing or in her bouncy seat. Those people that talked about swings like they were the most amazing inventions,  yeah, doesn't work for my kid. Tummy time...? I struggle to get her out of my arms, then put her in position she's uncomfortable in- forget it. I still try, daily, to get her to spend some time on her play mat, it's getting better.

She likes to be held. By me. Almost all. day. long. It's not the worst thing in the world, I mean, taking care of her is my job right now, I get that. I like that. I'm fine with attachment parenting. It's just that some days I'd like to shower. (Where I can wash my hair and shave my legs...) Or brush my teeth. Or have ten minutes alone with my husband without nodding off in my glider.

I do love this girl, and I knew it would be hard, but every moment of every day is different than it was before she was here. Like yesterday: we went to the grocery store. She's usually wonderful in the car- sleeping OR bright-eyed taking in this big, wide, world, as long as she's not hungry! But, as soon as we got to the grocery store- she wanted to be held. "Sleep in this car seat? I think not!" We didn't even make it through the produce section before she was screaming her head off and I had to pull her out and strap her on to me. Less than a minute later she was all burrowed into my chest and sound asleep.

I have to plan my showers, dinner preparation and trips to the grocery store around her eating schedule, napping schedule and if she's just down right having a bad day. And for us it's like that; some days are good and some days she just wants to scream.

I've struggled with her rate of weight-gain. I've had weeks of green baby poop. I've decided to start pumping and I hate it. I've texted/ called/ facebooked/ emailed those women I know who've been there and love me and care and can just listen sometimes.  I've ignored some advice, taken some others. I've realized this is how I'm going to feel about this little girl forever. It's not going to stop- my level of concern, commitment and wanting to do what is best for her well-being. For the most part, that is how all moms feel. And how we'll always feel about our children.
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I found a group of ladies in the Tyler area (about 25 miles from our home) who meet once a month- Positive Birth Group, Tyler.  They are my community right now and we discuss all things birth and topics related to child-rearing.

I'm reading A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming when I can pick it up and get a chapter or two in. So far I've really enjoyed it. I'd like to re-read Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott again, because I know I'd see it in an entirely new light.

Overall, I'm glad I did placenta encapsulation. I don't have any previous experience to weigh it against, but I've felt really well. Tired those first ten days- dead tired. Zombie like. BUT, I've not suffered with any other postpartum aggravations. I'd do it again. I know I've said it a million times, but I loved my midwives and my birth experience. Pregnancy and childbirth is not as intense as 18 years of caring for this girl and loving her well. That is stressful stuff!
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Born at 7lb 5oz, Camille was 6lb 9oz at our ten day pediatrician visit,  and lactation consultants came to our house that day. Within a week she'd gained 4oz, but the pediatrician wasn't happy with that and formula was given to us and it was highly recommended we supplement. I bawled. In the doctors office- I lost it. Chris has to complete the remainder of the visit, because I was really upset.
I decided NOT to supplement and continued forward. Marathon nursing...

She gained, but only an ounce or so a week... SLOWLY. I enjoyed working with the lactation consultants and learned a lot from their home visits.

And then suddenly about two weeks ago, she started gaining rapidly. Right now she's still only 8lb 4oz, but I'm happy with her current rate of gaining. And it's been hard. I looked into making our own formula with goats milk. I looked into donor milk. I asked my best friend if I could have the remaining breastmilk in her freezer since her daughter just weaned.  But all's well now... I just had to keep on, despite what others thought.

The one thing people repeatedly tell me is to trust my gut. To listen to my mommy instinct. To be still and quiet and I'll know the right thing to do.