Motherhood Woes

July 21, 2014

I can't believe it's been 4 months since I last blogged... I mean, I knew I'd not written for awhile and put it aside, for a time, but I thought I'd been more like two months.

Although I said, "the next time this girl naps, I'm napping....!!" She's asleep and I'm writing. I considered a shower and a nap, but somehow I feel like getting these words out will also provide some sort of cleansing. 

I've been mothering a sick kid now for almost a week and it's draining. Not too sick. Not real sick. Just puny and not her happy self. What started as a cough last Tuesday turned into a fever overnight that we just can't seem to shake. And she's working on tooth number six. And trying to walk. So, that's alot for a 19lb girl. I get it. But mamma is tired too!

Last night we went from crib to bed to glider to bed and by 3:00am I was holding a baby girl who smelt of apple cider vinegar and had 102 fever asleep in my arms in the recliner.  I HATE the recliner, but it provided relieve until 8:00am this morning. 

And being congested and feverish causes her to fight naps, or simply demand napping in my arms. On the boob. Gah!

It's almost noon and I'm still in my nursing gown. The ONE nursing gown I own and wash every other day. My hair is matted with infant Tylenol and Ibuprofen, which I HATE to give my child since they have wonderful ingredients like high fructose corn syrup in them. We all smell like peppermint and lavender and she cries like I'm cutting her arms off when she sees the Nosfrida come out... It's just so pleasurable. 

I know these moments are few, and fleeting and overall she is a happy, healthy girl. But on days like today I'm convinced every other mommy is attending mommy and me yoga, or baby music class or strolling up and down there tree-lined street, visiting neighbors for iced coffee at a cafe that is within walking distance. All mamas have wonderful mama friends who are all back at there pre-pregnancy weight and do crafts and have play-dates together. They make lovely rompers for their children out of gorgeous material and feed them only the freshest foods. Right?!

I loves staying at home, but sometimes I wish my ten month old didn't need the boob so often, and for anything from comfort to sleep to nourishment to tiredness. I wish I could have an hour for a pedicure or could hire a babysitter for four hours and just go sit and read and drink a hot coffee while it's still hot. But, this is how we've chosen to raise our child. And, on most days, I'm ok with it. 

Adding to the emotional drama is the fact that yesterday was our last Sunday on staff as PT youth ministers at the church here. So, we are loosing that income (as little as it might have been...) and we have to move out of the parsonage. Sooner rather than later. And that means packing. And moving into a home we've yet to find. With money that we barely have. Joy.

I am very excited about the newness and what God has in store. New city. New church. New growth in our lives and faith. But, climbing that mountain is work.  But the view will be worth it in the end!