The Scenic Route

 

 

Driving home yesterday evening, I realized my commute IS indeed something notable. Something worth telling about. I like to write about my life in juxtaposition. Who I am, who I think I am, who I want to be...

 

Approaching 50mph, having recently turned onto a two-lane, no shoulder road, which I spend 12miles of my daily drive on Monday - Friday, I saw two horses. In my lane. Walking toward me. Why yes they were saddled and being ridden by two cowboy looking men. Now, this does not seem safe to me. But I shouldn't be surprised.

 

It was within this mile stretch of road only days earlier a young girl, maybe ten or eleven, was walking her goat down the road. The goat was huge. After passing the goat on a leash, and bumping over the railroad tacks, which I get stuck at about once a week, I saw a woman out for some target practice. In her front yard.

 

It is a normal, middle-income brick home, two to three bedroom, garage, flowers growing the in the flowerbeds and a huge dart right in the front yard. Then, Pocahontas, complete with waist length hair blowing in the breeze, is shooting this massive bow and arrow. In her front yard, ten feet from the before mentioned two-lane, no shoulder road.

 

This windy road is like none other. Especially since driving was not something I missed while living in NYC. For my first month back in Texas I was fearful as my foot pushed on the accelerator and the speedometer neared 70mph. Two lane. No shoulder roads. During our stint in upstate New York, roads like this had a speed limit of 55mph. Not in Texas. I'm doing better, at least I drive the speed limit now. And if you want to do 70 and the speed limits 60, go around! (Maybe I am a Memaw.)

 

Driving: it's new again. It's scary. It is even more exciting when watching out for horses and goats and coyotes and wild hogs. I almost forgot to mention, I saw my first coyote yesterday too. I know... the country life abounds with excitement. However, being raised in the country and hearing them nightly for many, many years of my life, I'm surprised it's take me this long to spot one. However, I'm hardly and country girl- I'm just from the country. And coyotes aren't something you normally see at 8:00am dashing across the road like a white-tailed deer. Which would have been a little more storybook.

 

So nothing life-changing here today. Just realizing that life is what you make of it. Being bitter and feeling I have nothing in common with the bow shooters and horse riders and twelve cat owners isn't exactly true. I'm a different sort of country.

 

Here is my Baby Bella. She is now twice this size.

I do not take her for walks along the Farm-to-Market road.

And a few months later... I'm back

I was reading a friends blog the other day. And on the sidebar she had a link to my blog, which said it hadn't been updated for three months. That did not make me proud.

I haven't been writing for lack of time; Lord knows. I haven't been writing because I don't want to or don't think about it. It's just that, well, I feel my Texas life is not as exciting to read about as my New York life... That and a million other little things.

For instance, I work with one other person. So, no work stories. I commute to work in a Honda Civic alone. So no commuter stories about bus, subway, walking half a mile down Second Avenue in a wind tunnel. I'm still trying to find community and friends and people that get me and I feel comfortable talking about things like organic dairy products and health food stores and Ann Voskamp's blog and making homemade bread and this new book I found and consignment shopping. I'm still looking for those to inspire me on in my art. And yeah, I'm making excuses, cause there are those people, I just don't see them daily like I did in NYC.

NYC is a funny place because it's much easier to be incognito (not so living in the town I was raised in. Population 11,000. Everyone knows me...) BUT, in NYC it's also much easier to immerse yourself in community, to find people who'll accept you and love you and speak truth in love to you. Cause there are just that many people.

I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl. And as much as I love storytelling and writing, it's hard for me to bite my tongue (literally as well as on this blog) because it'll be sort of obvious who I'm referring to. Let me clarify, I'm not trying to hurt feelings or detail the horrific events of something awful in someones life. It's just those quirky, random, "I'm so glad she said, cause everyone was thinking it" things that I usually write about- aren't so easy to write about.

So, here is what I can tell you:

I'm working. At a job.
I'm happy to be living closer to family (most of the time) and being able to spend birthday's and holidays together.
We got a ten week old puppy about ten weeks ago. So now she's a huge puppy. She's fun. She's full of energy and life and makes me laugh at least five times a day. (And if for no other reason, I guess she was worth taking in).

The spring has been glorious to experience: Tyler Azalea Trails on my birthday, Dallas in Bloom and the Arboretum, pastures full of phlox and bluebonnets and Indian paint brushes on my drive to work each morning. I've planted some flowers and shrubs and potted plants and enjoy watering my plants each day. (I know that sounds me-maw-ish, but I do). The days are getting longer at even at 7:00 I find myself wanting to leave the front door open and keep the shades drawn open a little longs. It's been nice- and I know the heat is coming.
...
I just began a Bible study with the women at church titled Brave Sunday night. And while my overall thoughts are that it's sort of skimming the surface and too "Lifeway Christian Bookstore Prepackaged Bible study," it's still the first week. And Bible study can never be a bad thing. I will make the most of it. Yes? I am responsible for my spiritual growth. But during some still and quiet time today, I felt that not writing is disobedient. For me. Cause this thing always lurks in the back of my mind. AND, I do enjoy it. It's not a burden, but a privilege.
...

And the other thing. That's been occupying majority of my mental capacity: I'm 16 weeks pregnant. Yeah, I guess leaving NYC was really all it would take for me. Who knew? Surely not I. So sweet country living isn't all that bad, just doing the reverse adjustment now. With a baby due Sept. 22nd. Trying to figure out what that looks like and how I'll ever be ready. (Or at least think I'm ready.)
More about baby later. Plus if you are a reader of this blog, you probably already knew. I don't pretend to think my readership spans outside of my inner circle too, too much!

I Know He Watches Me

(at least my winter hasn't been this bad, Dec. 2010 NYC)

I haven't taken any photos lately. Or, at all really, since I've been back in Texas. Well, maybe a few I guess. What is my deal?

I don't think I ever mentioned it here, but during one entire family brainstorming session on "what can Stefani do with her life to make money?" the general consensus was that I should be a Life Coach. Sounds good in theory. I mean, why couldn't I be a life coach? The idea excites me, even. I know about, and feel I am pretty well read on the areas of food and health, overall nutrition stuff. I know about fitness (I was a weight watchers leader for about 6 months in NYC... after loosing 30 pound on the program myself, pretty sure I never mentioned that before either!) I am a good motivator, encourager (edification is my #1 spiritual gift, after-all) and support person. I'm strong in my faith and beliefs, I think I listen well and can be empathetic while still giving someone a strong dose of reality....

But, the idea pretty much died after that hour long saga.

We've talked farming. Opening a farm store (Think produce, eggs, organic meats and goat's milk- all from local farmers, not TSC). We've discussed a CSA. A co-op. Selling to local restaurants. We've dreamed of greenhouses and seedlings and made our wish list from the Johnny's Seed Catalog.

I've recently considered becoming a Holy Yoga instructor. I know it sounds hokey, but I think I might attend their next information session in Dallas.

I am pretty much applying for a job a day. No lie. I'm fighting off thoughts of discouragement with the Truth of scripture. I mean, it's pretty easy to begin doubting, not just your own personal worth, but your abilities. To be creative, or be a professional, or be desirable as an employee. It's rough out there.
...

We do have our own little home now. Right smack dab in the middle of Ben Wheeler, TX. Chris is now the part-time youth minister at FBC and with that gig came a house (and a small, small paycheck). So, we have our own three bedroom, two bathroom place now. And after one week, I've pretty much unpacked everything, except the media room. This will be Chris's movie/ guitar/ gaming room.  I know there are at least three huge boxes and/ or bags of cords and electronic guy stuff. Boxes of music and papers.  And some additional things he threw in bags after I had left the farm. I found a jar of Louisiana Hot Sauce in the cup holder of the Winnebago, okay? His things are sort of gross. Dirty socks and a coffee mug in a box of random mail and whatever else was in reach in that moment of packing I guess. I'm not sure the rhyme or reason.

I just keep wondering why I haven't found a job yet. What it is I'm supposed to be looking for. What it is I'm supposed to uncover or discover or find before this job of mine... Maybe I'm trying too hard. But it's after the middle of January already!! Where has the time gone?

At least I've been able to settle into our new place, unpack, organize, clean and prepare... for the days when I can't. Later, when I'm so busy working. We have everything we need (minus a washer and dryer- but we've had two offers for a new or used set to be brought to us - for FREE--- so we are just waiting on those details to be worked out.) God has provided. Faith is not an easy thing. Faith is not tested when things are going well. When I can depend on myself.

I look at the little birds outside my kitchen window and know that they are taken care of. They do not worry about their next meal or what tomorrow might bring. I'll be okay. Even thought these days may seem long. Something better is coming. It just has to. I know it.

 Chris amongst the snow in midtown Manhattan, Dec. 2010