New Life

Have you ever wanted to hear from God so desperately? I mean just waiting, and waiting and waiting? I'm like, "Hello? God? What do I need to do now? Give me something, anything..."

I know God usually shows you the where before the what or how, but with three months left on our lease, and three months until the NYDOE school year comes to a close, I'm realizing what complete and total dependency on God is, more and more.

Chris and I have no idea where we will be July 1st. And when I start to wonder if I missed something or I'm being ignorant or if leaving to find freedom on my own is a better idea, I'm quickly brought back to the Truth. He's leading us, step by step- and in the end I will be able to look back and say, "Oh wow! I would have never been able to do this on my own."

I've been learning, over and over, every single freaking day that I am not supposed to be perfect. I have to let God be God. When I try to do it all in my own strength, not only does it wear me down, stress me out and make me want to give up- but it's not how it's supposed to work. (It's amazing how I have to relearn every single day. Everyday I have to open up my palms and release my grasp. I'm holding on tightly to so many things.) Where I'm weak, he's strong. Plus, perfection is terribly unattractive and off-putting. Who can relate to perfection?

Sunday in church we sang a the simple chorus, "I surrender all to you, all to you" and each time I sang the line, over and over, I imagined letting go of one more thing I was holding onto. Like releasing balloons from my grasp, watching them go up, up, up into the air one at a time. I like this visual. I also have been practicing inhaling on the "I" and exhaling on the "surrender," making this my personal meditation or way to refocus. I also like "I'm safe" and "Let go" but "I surrender" is my new mantra.

Earlier this week this hit me in the face too:

... And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, ⁴endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. ⁵ This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5

I'm still not rejoicing in my afflictions - and I feel very afflicted on some days- BUT I'm praying for the wisdom to trust that God has not forgotten me. Like today when I had to call my doctor in the conference room at work and fought not to cry on the phone when I heard her voice through the receiver say, "I don't know why. You can come in if you want to and I'll run more tests, but everything appears fine. Just give it time. For some reason, some women...." I wanted to yell, "Why don't you know why? You're a doctor?! What do you suggest I do?" But I breathed in and out, "I surrender."

I want to believe that these things happen for a reason. And that all the stuff that is going on in my physical body and in the lives of those I love deeply and all the questions about why things happen like they do- will somehow bring God glory. Somehow.

Tuesday night Chris and I visited our friends who have a new baby boy, Lewis Abraham. He is five weeks old now and was wide awake the entire time we were there, 6pm-9pm or so. He has blonde lashes, and wonderful coloring and doesn't really look like his mama or his daddy - but is a little man of his own. Their first son Basil, died the week he was supposed to be born. That was in 2009.

Since then our community has cried with them, encouraged them and supported them along this terribly painful journey. Through love and tears and travel and counseling and change and acceptance and openness these two people persevere, every single day. And often they find no real answers, only more questions. But they are two of the most beautiful people I've ever met.

They give me hope, even though my stories and experiences are not theirs. When Chris and I arrived at their apartment with fresh crusty bread and Norwegian cheeses and sweet potato oatmeal bars and a couscous salad made with artichokes, olives and cherry tomatoes we were welcomed into a home that smelled of warm lasagna and new life.

While we were seeking to minister to them, they ministered to us. We were going to serve them, and they ended up serving us (some very delicious dinner and dessert too!)

I guess that is what community is all about; cutting the BS and just being real. It makes a world of difference and it does bring hope, and life and something that can't be found in the self-help section at Barnes and Noble or through massage or drinking red wine curled up in the best seat in the house listening to Coletrane. Those are great and necessary and pleasurable- but there's just something to sharing life with other people that the human spirit will die without.

Birthday Week(end) Plans

While reviewing my List of Things I really Want to Do This Weekend I decided I'd share a few things on the agenda. I changed the name from My Weekend To Do List, because that sounds like chores, not fun activities. But I need a list- so just bare with me:

1. I plan to finally visit Sav-a-thon which is a fabric/ artsy/ sewing supply store up in Spanish Harlem, close to where we live. Several people recommended it to me when I was looking for RIT to dye my blacks. And the time I was looking for iron-on hem. I still haven't been.

I want to mend a purse handle. I have this massive brown leather Lucky Brand purse that has the thinnest leather strap which digs into my shoulder when it's only half way full. I need to be able to maximize the bag capacity. This is a really huge bag. The original woven strap was constantly shedding and broke only after a year or so. This replacement, that the shoe repairman put on, is hardly working for me. I don't really know what I'm looking for but just hope to find inspiration and make something work.

2. Return two library books (a yoga book & a cook book) and pick up Freedom. This was the most popular fiction book of 2010, so I am hoping it's a good read. However, I don't really know if I will get to it quickly enough, as I am currently reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I know I'm a little bit behind the masses, but it is what it is. I just picked it up last weekend and I'm about half way through it now. It's a pretty quick read though.

3. Feed Percy and Bess (my friend Kim's cats) who have also been called Percival and Bessy-Boo from time to time. I'm cat sitting while Kim's in Texas this weekend. While I'm there I probably shop for a new nail color. Kim literally has 50-100 bottles of OPI and Essie nail color, arranged on those little plastic shelves like at the nail salon hanging on her wall. It's insane, but I love it. Right now I'm wearing Poised in Turquoise . Work appropriate? Sure. Age appropriate? Indeed. Perhaps I'll go for a purple or green.

4. Since Chris is conducting Saturday school until noon on Saturday, I was considering having a healthy brunch out somewhere quaint and girly in our neighborhood. Some health nut place that serves shots of wheat-grass, buckwheat pancakes and poached eggs with salmon. I could sit and write drinking coffee served in a china coffee cup.

5. I will NOT be running a 15k (as previously intended) but I will, nonetheless, be picking up my bib number and t-shirt for the Colon Cancer Challenge that will take place on Sunday. I registered last year for this race, and wasn't able to run either. Thus, the hamstring drama continues. This is why I'm resigning myself to the fact that I am not a runner. I am just not. I can run, I like to run, four maybe five miles, but every time I start training for longer distances, I hurt myself. It probably has something to do with those two hours I pounded out on the treadmill in January one Saturday afternoon when I was so angry! (and not at Chris....) I don't take care of my body like I should.

Anyway, my friend Esther, who is Running for Rwanda in two weeks, is taking my spot. This will be a great practice run for her, so I'm glad she can do it.

6. Saturday night, Chris and I have tickets to see Gotham Girls Roller Derby. It may seem odd, but I've always wanted to attend one of these games and this is the first game of the season: a match between the biggest rivals The Cabbies, from the Bronx and The Queens of Pain! I hope it's entertaining if nothing else. It should be fun.

7. Sunday we'll head to church- neither one of us in on the Praise Team, so it'll be a normal Sunday. Except that Chris has youth from 1:00-2:30 or so... and I have a meeting at 1:00, so I guess it will be a long afternoon.

8. And Sunday I am going to make Sweet Potato Oat Bars. I found this recipe in the clean eating book I got at the library. I will get to use my new Coconut butter (which tasted so delicious simply warmed and drizzled over popcorn last night... oh my goodness!!) that Heidi gave me for my birthday. I am finally making them because I will be able to share them with some dear friends I will be visiting Tuesday night in New Jersey. There baby boy Lewis, was born almost three weeks ago and they're thrilled to have guests now. I think I'll also take over some sort of couscous or quinoa salad.

9. I'd love to get a haircut Saturday too- I just need some style. I am growing my hair out, but I hate not having a style. It's been since August since I've had a good haircut (in January I just got a $20 trim). We'll see. It's the $80 price tag that is holding me back.

One more hour until the weekend officially begins for me. I'm meditating on God's whisper to me today,

"All is well. And all will be well.

Let go of your preconceived ideas of who I am, and let me be God."

Happy Weekend Friends!

SC

Thirty-one

Nothing says Happy Birthday like raw coconut butter. Or a new hair drier. But these are the gifts I have happily received already today.

I woke to a beautifully wrapped box sitting in the chair that I have my devotional in each morning. A tiny white bow was placed on top and a card that read "The Birthday Girl." Chris had wrapped the gift in stripy pink and yellow paper and it looked pristine. If it wouldn't have been taped with heavy packing tape, I would have though he'd paid someone to do it. Inside the package was a metallic pink and black hair drier (which I had hinted at months earlier) from J&R Electronics. When my good blow-drier broke months ago, I replaced it with something from Bed Bath and Beyond- but missed the power of the previous one; it just wasn't the same.

At work, my friend who's just as much a crunchy granola- hippie-vegetable-loving- health-nut person as I am brought me a bag of special treats including Coconut Butter, a raw cookie and a fig smelling candle. Perfect! I love it all! I've been wanting to try coconut butter to bake healthy treats with for awhile now, I just haven't bought any yet. It's supposed to be great simply drizzled on popcorn, on toast, and have amazing health benefits as well. One friend of mine uses it on her skin.

And someone in the office purchased a sampler pack of mini cupcakes for me. (I'm considering freezing one for after Easter, when the Lenten Season has passed.) I was well aware that my birthday fell during these forty days, but that's okay. It's good even.

Yesterday, in the mail, I received: my birth control (which I've been off of for a year, but because of an array of issues, I am back on again), a beautiful James Avery anklet, a green tea gift set, a sassy birthday card, and an invitation to a baby shower. (And can I just say that how much I hate having my prescription filled through the mail? And I have no choice. And since my sister is a pharmacist - and part owner of a local pharmacy- I just dislike the whole "drugs by mail" thing. Plus, who's going to tell me the side effects, what to do/ not do, and how to take certain drugs? Well, I guess that's what I have sister for. I do call her a lot with my medication concerns."

It feels great to be loved so much. I have the greatest family and friends. Today, when it is raining, sleeting and snowing (it is officially Spring now, right?) I have sunshine in my heart. And this day will propel me though tough times to come. I know it will.

Quiet

On Sunday our pastor gave us...

"The Tongue Challenge"

1. Do not complain or grumble.

2. Do not boast about anything at all.

3. Do not gossip or repeat bad information about somebody else.

4. Do not run somebody down (even a little bit).

5. Do no defend or make excuses for yourself, no matter what.

6. Do always affirm other people.

You guys, it has been extremely quiet at the reception area, as Heidi and I evaluate how we spend our days, and think on what we normally talk about. It's convicting to say the least and we've posted the bulleted list in front of our computer monitors.

For the past few weeks I've been meditating on the verse, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." And, my Yogi tea bag yesterday stated "If your word does not reflect your spirit and your honor, do not speak." Although, very yogi-ish, I think that biting my tongue and not just ya-ya-ing on and on and on is probably wise alot of the time. And now this tongue challenge.

I grumble. I complain. I can tell you what's wrong with everyone else. My choir instructor in Jr. High - who I adore and thank to this day for my love of music- bought me a huge poster that looked like this: NO WHINING!

And I've become very good at calling it being snarky, or just being honest, or finding a hilarious punchline in there and probably bashing someone nonetheless.

In the house I grew up in we could not be sarcastic. We could not say whatever we wanted and then throw in at the end, "I was just kidding!" These are things my sisters and I would not get away with saying to one another:

Besides the fact that that purple two-piece makes you look like a cow, I'd buy it. Just kidding.

I think that your painting is pretty. Pretty Ugly. Just kidding.

I'd never let you borrow my top. You will stretch it out because you're so big. Just kidding.

My mom would always say, "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" and that behind every joke, jab, and condescending remark made at someone else's expense there was a bit of truth. Therefore, sarcasm was not tolerated.

I think this is why it's taken me five years of marriage to get my husband. To wait after he talks, literally counting "one, one-thousand, two, one-thousand, three, one-thousand" after a comment that I quite don't understand. Fifty percent of what he says to me is sarcasm. Not that it's bad, just different. It's his way of being silly and flirting- so I've thickened my skin and gotten better about not draping my emotions across my shoulders like a shawl. They do not keep me warm, they do not protect me and they don't make me feel secure whatsoever.

Words. Words. Woooooooords.

It's Coming

Spring begins March 20th. I know this because my birthday is March 23rd, even though I was supposed to be born March 17th, what a fun birthday that would be!

I've announced that I will not be wearing my large poofy coat after Spring begins. Period. Okay, maybe I will-- only if it dips below 40 degrees and remains hovering at 40 all day long. Forty is my breaking point for the extra warm coat.

In anticipation of the coming Spring, I am doing a little inventory and thinking on the things I will miss once Spring does arrive. Among these are: my red velvet heels, my teal wool sweater from Banana Republic, red lipstick, tomato soup, gray wool cap with sparkly gold thread throughout, brown fingernail polish, black knee boots and tights. I am trying to incorporate some/ all/ any of my favorite wintery things in my life during the upcoming week. And I am aware I can eat soup in June (although I should probably not don my velvet shoes) but these are winter's pleasures.

All in all- I'm ready for Spring. Just yesterday I saw signs of Spring peeking out of the dirt in flower beds. Brown fury shoots are beginning to emerge from the bark of trees that once lay covered in snow and ice. I know Spring in the Northeast may not really feel like Spring until mid-April, but being able to observe the progress is exciting: longer days, lighter coats, Easter candy in the drug stores and my birthday.

I do look forward to open toed shoes, tank tops, sunglasses, freckly shoulders and sitting outdoors. I look forward to: eating fresh tomatoes, white blazers, running outdoors and being able to walk around the city instead of taking the bus. The cold and darkness of winter is so heavy. It weighs mightily, bearing down with great pressure, on so many of us, I feel. We carry around more- physically, mentally, emotionally.

Winter brings frailty, loneliness, dis-contentedness and which often results in soul searching and facing down demons we've been avoiding during the warmth of Summer. It's easier to be still and comfortable in a beach chair listening to the "shoosh" of waves as they lap up the sand. For me personally, I'm trying to make a very conscientious effort to live outward these days. To look, listen, feel, observe. It's easy to zone out. On the iPod and iPad and iPhone.... (not that I have all these, I'm just saying).

As Spring brings life again, I too hope to open up and burst through; to breathe life into these lungs once more. During the darkness of winter it's easy to forget the other side and all that waits to come alive.

Surprise!

Friday night I spent with my peeps, and guess what? They surprised me!

I had made plans to spend the night (actually sleep over) at Kim's apartment because Chris had intended on having a group of high school boys from church over to hang-out all night at our place. The original plan was for the boys to hang-out, do whatever boys do, and spend the night at our apartment. However, they decided just to meet up around 7:00pm and go play paint ball, so I no longer need to spend the night at Kim's. However, we girls decided to go ahead and get together. My friend, guide, encourager, mother figure & the best speaker-of-truth-in-love I know, Sheppe, was in town from Boston- and I love spending time with her too.

So, after getting off work at 5:45pm Friday (okay, so I sneaked out early...) I got home just as Chris was heading out to war. I changed into my yoga gear - spandex pants and a t-shirt from Old Navy that I had cut the arms off of and 3" off the bottom- and stuck in Chris's P90X yoga video. I call it Chris' P90X because I am not one who can successfully do workout videos at home, whatsoever. He's the one who's spent more time with it than I have and took the initiative to do the videos at all. I just can't workout at home. I think it has something to do with the fact that when I'm laying on my back doing bicycles or stretching my hamstrings I see dust bunnies underneath the kitchen table I just want to take care of them immediately. Not to mention most NYC apartments don't have too much room for walking between the furniture, or for the bathroom door to swing open, much less doing sun salutations.

Nonetheless, I scooted the couches and table and made space and did yoga for about 45 minutes. Then I decided at 7:15, I really should get ready to head to Kim's in order to make it by 7:30. She lives three blocks and one avenue away and Chris and I cat sit for her quite often. SO- in Peep style I opted head to Kim's in my yoga wear, leaving my hair in a ponytail and throwing on a fleece. Ready for a night of nail painting and movie watching. Also in Peep style, I left my purse at home and threw the necessities in a tote bag. (Although real peeps prefer fanny packs! They will not be swayed. Not even with a satchel style purse, or messenger tote.)

This is the thing with the Peeps: we are comfortable with one anther. We are just friends who like to hang out, talk, laugh, eat, watch movies, sing and paint our nails. We don't have to "go" anywhere special or be "doing" anything notable. Some of our most outlandish, exciting, memorable moments in the city have been in Target or church or taxi cabs or Bed Bath and Beyond or in one-another's apartments. We are family. And there's freedom found in being open and honest and silly and asking to borrow something that someone else might say, "Why don't you just go buy your own." A peep will let you borrow a book, a movie, nail color, sheet music, a magazine, jewelry, or hair curlers.

When I got to Kim's she met me downstairs. Her buzzer has been broken for quite some time so I had to text her to let me in. We hugged, chatted and headed up to her 3rd floor apartment where when she opened the door, "Surprise!"

Happy Early Birthday was sung to me in three part harmony as I saw faces that I didn't expect to see. Carey played the maracas and someone placed a huge sombrero on my head. It was so nice and unexpected. The girls had decorated in in Mexican fiesta theme, and the best part: everyone was wearing these little stick on mustaches! It was quite hilarious. Everyone looking all Speedy Gonzales/ Charlie Chaplin. Later we enjoyed making the mustaches into sideburns, unibrows and put them on the cats. Some things you never outgrow.

It was so nice to be authentically surprised. To have someone put bright confetti out in your honor. To have someone make peanut butter bars for you. To have six friends take an evening to spend time together just to laugh and eat and spend time.

Because I'm not eating processed food, I had to pass on the taquitos and cheese dips and sugary things. I was only able to eat some raw veggies dipped in guacamole, but I was content none the less. More than content, I was extremely overjoyed and thankful.

I left feeling so so blessed and truly loved. Especially since I looked super party-ready in my lounge-wear and cut up t-shirt... I also left with Jade is the New Black on my nails and two tiny daisy stickers on my right pinky. And my assistant beauty editor friend brought fake eyelashes for everyone as party favors and a huge PINK box overflowing with amazing goodies for me: Green Mountain coffee, a bottle of Philosophy perfume, Dallas blush by benefit, a Too Faced eye/ cheek/ lip compact & Estee Lauder eye shadow goodies! I was overwhelmed!

Beauty from Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday. Why Ash Wednesday? Well, to remember. To look ahead 40 days (46 really) and begin reflecting on our depravity and our need for a Savior.

He will die for us. He will lay it all down to pay for it all. Everything before & everything after.

No more bloody alters or animal sacrifices.

He died.

And he rose again.

Ash Wednesday is about stopping to remember and preparing ourselves, even now, for Palm Sunday, Good Friday and the Celebration of Easter. For me letting go, fasting, "giving up" something for Lent is all about putting my focus outward, instead of being self absorbed. It seems to unify, as being a part of a group, a larger piece of the Christian faith can do-the Universal Church, regardless of denomination. Our faith is in Jesus Christ. Period.

This is our Forty Day journey. This is when I can sacrifice, lay aside something- for the purpose of growing a little closer to my creator. When we take off this outer layer, take off the church mask, lay aside the "I'm alright" and "God is good" and "we'll get there someday" and realize that we are here- that is where God will meet us.

A friend of mine shared this website in order to pray through the Season of Lent. In today's "Daily Reflection" I found this really great bit and wanted to share. (Although I promise not to make a habit of if!)

Also, new to my world was the fact that many churches burn the palm fronds from the previous years Palm Sunday/ Passion Sunday to get the ashes. The ashes worn as a sign of faith and a testament to the need for mercy & grace are from the very palms that were waved as we shout, "Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest."

Befuddled is where we live. Once Christians set out on pilgrimages and made regular retreats. In Lent, the desert comes searching for us. Beyond the din arises the emptiness. It takes a certain kind of time to listen. In Lent we are called into the presence behind the words to realize how we are not alone.

Living breaks us down into pieces. We come back together again in different ways. Sometimes it is in the square where people cry out for justice and the cry is heard around the world. Sometimes it is the desert where the words of love are heard again. Jeanne Schuler

the in-between

I just received an text message from my partner in crime at the reception desk. She said she is running late this morning because of a "bang crisis." "I hate my bangs," she writes. "Please remind me that they will grow out and that my beauty is an inward beauty that comes from Christ, not from my bangs."

I was feeling sort of grumpy and bummed this morning already, because in an effort to remember to grab the dry cleaning and the movies that are due back at the library today, I left my breakfast sitting in the refrigerator at home. But, I did make it to the library drop box and the dry cleaners before stepping in the office at 8:00AM this morning. I remembered my lunch but forgot my breakfast: steel cut oats that I made last night, topped with cinnamon, almond slivers, 1/2 a banana and a dollop of Fage.

This was no granola bar and apple. This was not a packet of instant oatmeal, this was going to be a really great breakfast. So instead, I dug through my desk looking for a packet of oatmeal only to find a Luna bar, a Clif C bar and a zip-lock bag full of expensive licorice. Non of these are good breakfast options. So, I picked the boiled egg white out of the tuna salad I brought for lunch and ate it with a slice of Ezekiel bread (that I had also brought for lunch).

Because breakfast is a must for me, and I usually eat pretty heartily so I washed it all down with a Milk Muscle Light that I've had in the refrigerator at work now for about three months. It expires in less than ten days, so I figured this was a good a time as any. And, while we are on the subject of food like substances, like protein drinks and meal bars, I've decided that I am giving up processed foods for Lent. (sugar, cereal, wheat thins and coffee-mate...)

I've never participated in Lent or recognized Ash Wednesday or Epiphany or the importance of the Liturgical Calendar. I've just always said, "I'm not Catholic, so I don't do those things." Ignorant. Stereotypical. Wrong. But I AM Christian, and they are Christian and so much of there practices are rooted in deep tradition and meaning. I think I could glean so much from taking a step back from the way I'm used to doing church and listen, look and delve into the heritage of my faith.

I can change my view, my attitude. See the bigger picture. The way we all fit into this together. The way I'm just a tiny tiny speck in a huge masterpiece. The way bangs and forgotten breakfasts and dirty dress slacks in the bottom of the clothes hamper on the day that I wanted to wear them are not really important things.

I want to speak truth in love to believers and non-believers and not be timid when approaching righteousness.

The film, the scrim between the present, past and future is not an iron wall. It's alot closer than we think it is. The unknown is just that: unknown; i's not worth worrying or being afraid of. "No power in hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand!"

The Apostles Creed

I believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ,
his only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived
by the power of the Holy Spirit,
and born of the Virgin Mary,
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried;
He descended into hell.
On the third day he rose again;
he ascended into heaven,
he is seated at the right hand of the Father,
he will come again
to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.

Amen

About the Weird

I'll be honest. We are giving alot of thought to moving to Austin. There are many reasons why, which I won't get into now, only say that somethings gotta give.

It is weird, because it's unlike any other city in Texas. It's a place where artists and musicians and people who want to be different simply for the sake of being different can thrive.

I think there is alot of weirdness just to, well, Keep Austin Weird. This includes: houses painted in all shades of blue, green, lavender, red and yellows and adorned with all sorts of decoupaging and mosaics. Extreme hairstyles and clothing options. Piercings. Tattoos. Bumper stickers that read "I put hot sauce on my hot sauce" and eco-friendly cars that make people look like they are going around in oversized turtle shells.

You know your a New Yorker when you don't do a double take when you see a man wearing full makeup and whitey tighties. We've become calloused. Nothing shocks you anymore. Only seeing it in Austin Texas did startle me somewhat. I was out of my element, or perhaps they were. I don't know, either way, I really loved the city.

Being able to park (for free) and walk to multiple venues of (free) music by good artists who were passionate about what they were doing was life giving. It made me smile. Add a $3.00 Vodka tonic- and I'm really smiling. Blues, jazz standards, heavy metal or country. Upright basses, saxophones, harmonicas and drums. The music spilled out of the bars onto the streets and brought feeling into otherwise lifeless concrete and wood and steel.

Austin felt familiar enough call home but unique enough be entertained as well as entertaining.

About the People

First of all, please accept my apologies for the fact that all my Austin pictures were taken with my Android phone. I did give thought to taking my camera with me, but I decided I really just wanted to spend more time being instead of trying to capture each moment. I just wanted to live without thinking about lighting and settings and how this picture might look hanging in my bedroom or as a screen saver.

So, Austin is composed of people who would live/ have lived in places like New York City or Los Angeles or San Francisco, but they are smarter now and got out. Okay, maybe that's a little stereotypical or presumptuous, but I think it's somewhat true. I think that the freshness and liveliness and creativity that give Austin it's breadth and depth comes from people living there who aren't necessarily from there.

My entire life I've sort of tried to avoid the whole "I'm from Texas hear me roar" mentality. Texans like that are annoying I think. I know there is a bit of Southern hospitality and charm with Texans. It's not just in the camaraderie, but a classifier that most people can relate to. But I have not wanted to be classified, related to or grouped with anyone, especially Texans- even though I qualify. Don't misunderstand me, it's not a bad thing, it's just a Stefani thing. A I don't "pledge allegiance" to Texas, because, quite honestly, I don't think it's bigger, better or badder than any other state.

I know bluebonnet blue runs through my veins, I know it's in my roots somewhere- so perhaps this is the beginning of digging up all that remains uncovered. Texas is great, I just think the arrogance and boastfulness that many people tape on their pick-up trucks or hang on their front doors or wear on their t-shirts is bothersome. It's just plain annoying, and a bit tacky and prideful. And, I've always seen those people on the other side of intelligent. A little. Because it's as if with the Confederate Flag hanging from the front porch we're declaring to all, "I may not be that smart, or have much going for me, but at least I'm from Texas."

Please don't misunderstand me, Texas is a fine place, and being loyal and patriotic and having a tattoo in the shape of Texas is not bad. Just chill with the whole, WE ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE thing. That's all.

....

My point is that in Austin, they have chilled and don't think they are better than everyone else. The people we met there were from, all over: Seattle, San Francisco, New York. And there has to be a reason this city attracts these people: call them yuppies, hippies, vegans, artists, weirdos, whatever. There are alot of them. They support local businesses, are entrepreneurs, eat local and are creative and play outdoors and have a famous live music scene. They do not take themselves as seriously as New Yorkers. They laugh and smile and don't run everywhere they go. They aren't all work and no play.

We actually ran in to a guy who went to Jr. College with us in Tyler, Texas. When he saw Chris and me across the room, he came pouncing right over, arm outstretched, shook Chris's hand with one hand, did the man-hug-back-slap thing with the other, and exclaimed, "Chris Chambers you are so Austin!" We caught up, talked, exchanged phone numbers, it was good.

At a Starbucks near the UT campus the following morning a guy named Troy prayed for us. He commented, "I like your do-rag." Yes, I was rocking the black bandanna, and thus a conversation began. He prayed that we'd be willing and open and obedient to whatever our next move may be as a couple and as individuals. That we'd be still enough to hear God's whisper and have the guts to respond. That we'd be brave, wise and patient.

About the Food

When we told previous Austin-ites that we were traveling in and around the Austin area, they quickly responded with a To Do List. And on each list were several restaurants that we just had to visit. Since we are fans of eating and real foodies, we gladly stepped up to the challenge.

Our first night we grabbed some Mexican food pretty late and ate out on the patio. I had a cup of amazing taco soup, served up with the right amount of cilantro, avocado and award winning salsa. Voted Austin's best two years running according to the menu and the banner hanging below the marquis.

The least favorite of our dining experiences were at Hula Hut and Aussie's Grill and Beach Bar. Let me just clarify by saying perhaps if we would not have chosen 6:00pm on a Friday night to dine at the Hula Hut we probably would have had a more pleasant experience. As the name suggests this was a very happening, single friendly "bar on the deck" atmosphere with lots of families seated indoors. A take on Joe's Crab Shack- with much better food I'm sure. We just didn't want to wait and couldn't find a seat, so we took our tiny cups of frozen Margarita, Chris served us up some chips (I'm still not completely convinced it was self-serve chips and salsa) and we headed past the "Strictly Prohibited/ Employees Only Beyond This Point" sign and found our own little dock to sit at an watch the sunset.

Aussie's provides a great spot to play sand volleyball, or in our case watch sand volleyball. Sand volleyball in February... only in Texas. Our waiter, who must also be a manager/ partial owner or something (and hailed from Rye, New York), told us from March- November they have league tournaments and that it's a pretty happening place. I'm sure it is more exciting in the sunshine and in flip-flops than in a hoodie perched underneath a humming outdoor heater. But we stayed, and sat and ate our food while watching a couple games of five on five in the moonlight.

Chris's top pick may have been Torchy's Tacos. The sign looked, well, pardon my expression, but pretty bad ass. The marketing worked, as I exclaimed, "Chris, that looks like somewhere you'd like to eat." And the marquis read, Damn Good Tacos. So, there you have it. Good cheap tacos made fresh. We ate there more than once. I had the Mr. Pink and Chris enjoyed something called the Doublewide: chicken fried steak in a taco.

Other adventures lead us the "trailer park" where several vendors park, well, trailers and serve fare straight out of the window. These eateries serve anything from pizza, barbecue, tacos, Thai food to cupcakes and pies. The best thing about eating at these trailers- besides the inexpensiveness- is that you can sit outside, under an umbrella or at a picnic table or like I chose to, straight in the direct sunshine- and people watch. I know that from June - August sitting outside eating a meat filled pita from a cone may not be enjoyable, but in late February it was so, so nice. We visited two trailer parks (you don't know how much I HATE typing that!), one after dark on our last night in Austin. At this particular location twinkle lights were strewn throughout the tree limbs and there was a quite large covered, patio area to dine in.

I love this idea: cheap food, a covered area to sit and be. So chill. There were friends meting up who had brought their own bottles of wine or beer. There were kids and families as well as younger folks. There were restrooms that were maintained and somewhat of a stage/ elevated area where I'm sure there is live music from time to time. And possibly the best thing (besides the tacos) was that in exchange for your ID you could get the foosball or the ping-pong ball & paddles. I got beat, but it was still fun!

Of course we dove head first into some Barbecue at Rudy's. This is a restaurant in a gas station. (Again, what am I saying? I ate in a gas station, willingly...) The guys cutting the huge hunks of meats were so nice and provided samples and tastes. For a more traditional BBQ meal we dined at County Line Barbecue. Amazing BBQ'ed things. ( I had the veggie kabobs... don't judge!) Huge quantities. Traditional sides. As soon as we left Chris asked if we could go there again, before we left.

We also caught a gorgeous sunset at Oasis a very popular tourist attraction which provides breathtaking views of Lake Travis. It is a beautiful restaurant but completely overpriced. So we had pre-dinner drinks and were on our way after the sun slipped below the horizon.

Okay, now for what I enjoyed in Austin: Grabbing a quick bite at Wheatsville Co-op after stating, "Please can we stop. I'm starved. I want some vegetables."

That's the thing with boys (well, the two men I've been around the most in my life, my dad and my husband) they eat when they are famished, even if that means not eating a bite until 2:30 in the afternoon. I, on the other hand, prefer to eat a nice breakfast with protein and a grain or a fruit. Then I eat every four hours. Period.

I ate a beet/ carrot salad, broccoli covered in an almond/ basil dressing, and grape leaves stuffed with brown rice-- Yum. Chris hit the taco truck in the parking lot next door and we sat outside under a covered area provided by Wheatville Coop. Complete with biodegradable spoons and forks.

Another favorite was walking through the Holy Land: Whole Foods Flagship store and headquarters. Amazing. We got to sample about twelve various foods and talk with local farmers and cooks who's products are sold in Whole Foods, not only in the Southwest, but across the US. I can't do the experience justice in this post, but trust me, it was almost spiritual. And Chris enjoyed it too- he got to buy a beer and drink it while we walked throughout the store. This could revolutionize grocery shopping, not only in the Chambers home, but across the country!

About the Shopping

This photo was taken in a vintage store. More specifically this photo was taken in the restroom in a vintage store.

You guys, the vintage/ antique shopping abounds in Austin, Texas. I'm not talking about junk stores or Goodwill-esk type of random, old trash that no one wants. I'm talking about really good vintage stuff. There are so many stores in Austin that there is even a map of the almost forty locations that cater to the thrift shopper.

There are stores dedicated to records and albums. There are stores with old instruments and music accessories: sheet music, microphones, albums and posters. There were stores specializing in furniture and antique furnishings. And of course: the clothing! Chris was in heaven in one store where we found an entire rack of pearl snapped shirts- with short sleeves. And another entire rack of pear snapped shirts- with long sleeves.

The thing about all the vintage stores we visited was this: most of the people who worked there, who owned or managed these stores, were doing what they loved. They were artists and invested in their business. This drive to do well and put forth a quality product or environment was very apparent. You can just tell when thoughtfulness and craftiness have been poured into a space. When the heart is involved it's obvious.

Austin supports the small business owner. Austin supports everyman and entrepreneurship- it's apparent in the eateries and shopping and the fact that there's not a Subway sandwich and Wal-Mart on every corner. I love the fact that people can take their ideas and run with them and be supported as a seamstress or piano teacher or jewelry designer. I like the fact that it's a large city, but seems comfortable in a neighborhood sort of way.

We didn't do alot of shopping, but we did alot of looking and browsing and realized that it's nice to live in a place that can support local book stores and farmers markets and coffee shops that aren't Starbucks. Not that there's anything wrong with the familiarity of Starbucks (tall non-fat 1/2 caf. misto please...) and sometimes you just need a Target, but I'm glad places exist where people can feel safe enough to create. And other's support them in their endeavors.

It's a big risk going out there on your own, creating, being your own boss, diving into grass roots efforts that begin with hot checks and a prayer- but it's worth a shot if you want to be free. Free to do what you feel like you've been put on the earth to do. And it's usually not the easy decision. And it usually doesn't look "right" to everyone else. Oh, and it'll probably mean you'll mess up alot. BUT- it is what living and life are all about. It's not about being a receptionist.