Over the River, and Through the Woods

Only, there's no river... and no woods...

Today is our first Christmas gathering with friends. Because I'm not working right now, there is not an office party. And there's not a Sunday School party, or spouse Christmas party. BUT, today we are going to Tyler to have late lunch with our dear friends the Stockhammers. Their two daughters FINALLY get to meet Ms. Camille. Tessa is four and Micha is one. I know they will LOVE seeing this baby girl for the first time. It has really amazed me how much little kids like a baby. Lora and I secretly hope that the girls will grow up as friends since they are so close in age (Micha- Sept. 18, 2012, Camille Sept 21, 2013) And our dear friend Alaina will be coming to join in the fun too! (With her wax pot, of course). Nothing says Merry Christmas like a little waxing fun!

I'm really looking forward to seeing our friends again. It's been 12 weeks of isolation, sort of. They've stopped by to see me, when they can (without the girls) BUT, just being with them in their home again will be nice. We always have the best of times.

Last week I also was able to go visit another friend and her daughter Caroline. Caroline is two weeks older than Camille. While her two "big girls" (2 and 4) were at Pre-K at church, it was wonderful just to catch up and talk mom talk. Plus, she's sort of an expert at this by now, or at least she can tell me I'm not crazy! Her daughter is an adorable 14lb, smushy, baby girl and my lil' munchin is still only her 9lb 5oz self... 

I'm not obsessive about her weight, but it still lingers in my head. Since she's still in newborn clothes. And newborn diapers... Poor thing. It's sort of good because at least she can wear her big cloth diapers underneath her BIG 0-3 month clothes! Even the 3mo Christmas outfits I bought her are still too big. 

The plan was Camille would wear all Tessa and Micha's hand-me-downs since they are born in the same month. They will be in the same season clothing at the same time, etc. etc. Camille has yet to wear their clothes. She's just so long and lean and not quite big enough for the 3 month clothes.

Sorry to bore you with that bit of information, but it's been comical. And, of course Camille's aunts and grandmas had to buy her more clothes because nothing fit.

...

Yesterday Camille and I went to my parents house to visit. Mom and I worked on holiday baking in-between playing with Camille. I love to see my mom and dad "ooing" and "cooing" over this little girl. It's really a wonderful feeling. Camille left with a baby's first Christmas ornament and I left with tins of fudge and Neiman Marcus bars. I'll add these to the dozens of chocolate chip cookies I've baked (and will bake) and something so wonderful called Christmas Crack. It really is like crack. Sooooooo terribly bad!!!

Babe's waking. 

XO

$pending Reality

I just adore this blue-eyed girl! We are spending most of our days inside now... it's cold, really where would we go? I have been getting myself into a little bit of trouble here lately, spending money. 

First, it is Christmas and I do love to buy gifts for people. I REALLY do.  Even if it's something small, I like surprising people and doing little things- for EVERYONE. So, besides the gifts we give to family and (a couple) friends, I chose 4 angels off the angel tree at church. And there is Lottie Moon, which is the Southern Baptist once a year offering which goes to foreign missions. 

And, a huge part of this issue is that I am now comfortable getting out with Camille and going and doing and spending... I have really great intentions to just get out of the house and go walking through the mall or the shopping center or Wal-Mart (or even the grocery store) but somehow I end up spending $50 or $60 each time. That adds up really quickly when you are living on one salary. And you have a car payment for the first time in seven years!

I didn't realize how bad it was until yesterday. Then I felt completely guilty because we weren't able to save this month... and I don't really WANT to give to that foreign mission offering. Chris and I discussed it last night and the odd thing is... God laid the exact same amount on both of our hearts, so I know we need to give. But I guess I shouldn't have bought enough baking ingredients to make enough sweets for the entire population of this one-horse town. 

God will provide. And I learned my lesson and know that I have to find a new way to spend these long wintery days with an infant. (Shopping online is probably even worse!!!)

And if being home is what I WANT to do, then I'm going to have to learn to give up some things. Nothing is as important as the time I get to have with this child. Not perfume or makeup or haircuts or new shoes or jewelry or manicures or furniture. Plus, don't I have enough already? I am so blessed. 

9-10 week old Camille

   

My present under the tree

My first Christmas

Aunt Chrissy's dog Abe loves Camille. 

And is uber jealous of Camille. And hates it when Camille cries.

Finger gnawing

And more finger gnawing

And more finger gnawing

Bundled Babe

Camille's First Thanksgiving

Camille with Chris' family 

Camille with Aunt Chrissy

and Aunt Laura Beth

Camille with Grandad Martin

Gobble Gobble

What a HAPPY girl!

Eleven Weeks as a Mom

In eleven short weeks my life has changed drastically. And I knew it would, but NOTHING can prepare you for the mayhem that is motherhood.

My current beauty routine includes: making sure my teeth are brushed (they are not brushed everyday, however, I am getting better about this!), wearing deodorant (again, not an everyday occurrence), is my hair brushed (not necessarily clean, but brushed.) I try to leave the house in a bra (often a nursing tank...) Yeah, that's about as good as it gets.

I have a new shirt. It's called a Moby. I wear it daily, and wash it when I can. And sometimes I wear my daughter when I use the bathroom. (I seriously wonder how common this is...) Hey, don't wake a sleeping baby, right?!

When I get my daughter down for a nap in her bassinet (a NEW thing in our home...) I am thinking, QUICK, quick, what can I get done??

Laundry?
Mopping?
Clean the shower?
Update the blog?
File bills?
Pump? (this is not something I am currently doing regularly, just here and there as I don't plan on being away from Camille for any length of time/ regularly any time soon.)

Monday, I cleaned both bathrooms, top to bottom, for the first time in about 12 weeks. I know this because I cleaned them a week or two before she was born. That is just gross people. But I don't regret it! My little girl is growing so quickly. BUT, it was nice to escape into some housework. Scrubbing the potty and dusting up small piles of hair is what I long to do. Not really, but it felt good. In some weird way.

I've seriously learned to do SO much with one hand. Luckily right now I'm getting to use both hands to type this blog entry.

While TV isn't really my thing, I started and finished all the seasons of Parenthood that are available on Instant Netflix. I had watched it before but couldn't really get into it. Now, that I have nothing but time, I decided to give it another go. I've also been watching Scrubs. Boy, that show got dumb in the last couple of seasons. I try to leave The Office, How I Met Your Mother and Rules of Engagement alone. Those are shows Chris and I try to watch together, so I don't want to zip through an entire Season in one afternoon... But I do LIKE them. This is what I do while nursing. Instant Netflix and read...
...
I'm enjoying seeing Camille change and mature and learn daily. She is turning into quite a happy girl after that first month of sleeplessness and constant fussiness. And the second month was a little better. I know how to read her now, although my mother says that will all change soon. She'll have me guessing again.

Today we made handprint ornaments out of salt and flour and I long for the days she can paint them with me. I don't want to rush her little life, but I try to imagine her as 3, 5, and 12 years old. Loving these moments!

New Norm

Early November, Camille was about 6 weeks old

After two glorious days of 80 degree temperatures, it is now in the 40's and tonight is supposed to bring sub-freezing temperatures and ice. Camille and I spent the last three days taking the stroller out - which I desperately needed. Yesterday we even went to the park to walk- a nice change of scenery after doing circles around the church parking lot. Twelve weeks postpartum and I'm still feeling big and squishy. I've got to do something... I'm not sure how much of the 40 pounds I gained I have lost. At our two week check up with the midwives I had lost 20... I may visit that scale again soon- the one at our Birthing Center. Sometime in the New Year. 

The holidays are different this year, mainly because we have a baby! And also because we are living in Texas. We DID live in Texas last year at this time, but didn't have jobs or cars or a house or much of anything... it was still all sort of new. And I was hopeful and dreamy.

And I year later I still feel relatively unstable. Let me explain:

I don't mention this alot on my blog, but one year into life back in Texas and I haven't connected with anyone. I have no people to do life with. No real friends. I AM grateful for my family- who I am very close to and my two friends from high school who have remained in touch throughout the years. BUT my day-to-day, week in and week out, it's pretty much been me and Chris. And now Camille. My friends and family have jobs and lives and school and stuff of their own. They live 30 miles away. I get that. We are all busy. Only now, I'm not, really. 

I won't really get into the membership/ current situation at our church, only say that there is no one there I can relate to. I'm not exaggerating. Plus, I'm not working a job right now. And we live 30 miles from any "town." I miss camaraderie and just being real with folks. 

And at Christmastime I miss NYC. Because that was the last time I connected with people. Maybe the first time I connected with people. I miss our Christmas programs. Our Praise Team practices. Worship Arts meetings. Small group gatherings in peoples apartments.  We all needed each other and had to have each other to survive. I haven't found those people here, but I'm sure I will. I just have to get to that place. 

I know, I'm a new mom and stay home alot and don't want to get out lest strangers approach me and try to touch my babies tiny little fingers. I just feel like I'm still growing. And now my daughters life and future depend on what I show her and how I teach her and the people that are in my life. I wish she could have know my NYC family. 

...

Baby girl is talking more and more and has seemed to finally realized that she's here now and can't go back to the womb. She's a good sleeper at night, waking every 4 hours to eat. During the day she's happy except when she's in the car. Wow, she really hates the car. Yesterday she sobbed the entire way to the park (a 10 minute ride). Tears and all. It was a more mature cry that a baby scream, stopping to catch her breath and cough. Poor thing. 

Which is why I hesitate to go further than a few miles down the road. Tuesday we took Chris to work in the morning (because he was picking up his motorcycle with new tires after work) and I decided to stop at Target. (A spur of the moment decision.) It was 8:00am. The store had just opened, and I thought I could make it work. BUT, I had left both carriers at home and Camille was NOT going to ride in her car seat in the buggy. Forget it. So, I carried her and quickly scanned the Christmas section, got a couple items I needed and got out of there. You know, so I could breastfeed in the car.

I can not tell you the number of times I have breastfed in the car. Already. It's silly, maybe, but it's what I have to do. My friends who say they breastfeed in their carriers and don't mind breastfeeding in a busy Barnes and Noble must have small boobs. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying, my nipples are pretty much pointing to the ground, at my waist. She can't breastfeed in the carrier. (Or maybe I haven't figured it out yet...) And, she's still so little that my boob is larger than her head. I have to help her stay attached. I don't mind whipping it out in public, but honestly, it's still sort of awkward to me at this point. 

So, I'm mommy-ing it. I changed two poop diapers in the backseat of the Rouge yesterday. One required a complete costume change. Poop was in her hair. Then she spit up, on our new seats. The ones we just made the first payment on. Nonetheless, I love this girl. This is my life now. 

I think she's discovered her hands, as she keeps eyeing her incredibly long fingers, like someone who just got a manicure. She's also mastered sucking her fingers and drooling everywhere. She doesn't really suck her thumb, but she can get both of them in her mouth at the same time- and sort of just gnaws. And I too, like so many people tell us, think she looks like Chris. More each day. 

Two Months Old

I've finally been able to read Anne Lamott's, Operating Instructions.. and find little jewels in it that I can totally relate to. Her writing is so raw and real, which makes my feelings and thoughts seem somewhat more normal, because at least there is one other person on the planet admitting to feeling these things. It's a perfect read during nursing sessions!

"People kept trying to prepare me for how soft and mushy my stomach would be after I gave birth, but I secretly thought, Not this old buckerina. I think most people undergoing chemo secretly believe they won't lose their hair. 

 Oh, but my stomach she is like a waterbed covered with with flannel now. When I lie on my side in bed, my stomach lies politely beside me, like a puppy."

"Sam (her son) sleeps for four hours at a stretch now, which is one of the main reasons I've decided to keep him. Also he lies by himself on the bed staring and kicking and cooing for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time. I had these fears late at night when I was pregnant that I wouldn't be able to really love him, that there's something missing in me, that half the time I'd feel about him like he was a Pet Rock and half the time I'd be wishing I never had him. So there must have been some kind of miracle. I never ever wish I hadn't had him." 

So, now we are two months old.

She likes bath time (and showers with mom or dad), music, being among crowds and face-to-face time with mom or dad.

She dislikes being in the car, nap time, and footed pajamas! She is so long and lean, when she froggys her legs up she can't get them back down into the leg holes. So she ends up getting both legs in one leg hole OR just screaming her head off. We wear lots of baby tights!
...

It's cold and rainy here and probably will remain this way until Thanksgiving. I don't mind the cooler temperature, but the constant steady rain is grueling. Before the rains came it was 70 degrees and Camille and I were able to go outside from time to time.

I knew it would be this way, winter with a newborn. I'm desperate to get out and do holiday things and cook and shop and buy Christmasy things. Like presents... If it can't be bought online, you aren't getting it!! I've also asked my sister to pick some things up for me while she's out in the big city of Dallas.

Did you know you can shop at Hobby Lobby online??! Well, I've ordered over $100 of art supplies, and crafty things and Camille and I will be creating these next few weeks. Hopefully. She'll be offering her foot and hand prints to aid in my creativity. That's about it.

I was sort or seriously considering an "outing" or sorts, since Chris is home this entire week. Like getting these bushy, bushy eyebrows tended to. A haircut. Maybe even a quick shopping trip. The thing is, Camille REALLY dislikes the car seat. When she should be sleeping her eyes are as wide as saucers and her mouth is gaping open and she's just watching the world zoom by at 60 miles an hour. This, in turn, leads to fussiness. For the rest of the afternoon. Yesterday after her 2 month check up she screamed the entire way home. She didn't nap on the way there.... so almost two hours later on the way home?? Forget it. No amount of nursing can make her feel better when she's in these tired fits.

So, I'm driving our new mama-mobile home in the pouring rain. (So new we haven't even made the first payment on it yet....) There's water standing in the road. The traffic is stop-n-go. She's screaming her head off so I have one hand on her face and one on the steering wheel. I'm still anxiety filled from the doctor visit and we just want to be home. (Home is 30 minutes away...) Then, on the winding road closer to home there were two deer standing 5-10 yards off the pavement. Thankfully, they decided not to end their lives that day. I was breaking and praying and thinking, "Really.....?! God, how much more can I take?" (Which, when I told Chris this when we got home replied, "never ask God how much more you can take..." )

BTW Chris has been to every single prenatal, postnatal and (now) Camille's infant check-ups. We are always in separate cars though, because he's coming from work. BUT, seriously he only missed ONE prenatal visit of mine because he was at youth camp. What a great guy!

But now we are warm and home and inside and every time I listen to her cry the entire way home from Tyler, I think, I will never leave this house again. I usually end up crying too and it's just too exhausting.  So, maybe, even though Chris is home, we won't be doing any real outings. No shopping or haircuts or eyebrow waxing.

It's ok. It really is. I know tomorrow she'll be twelve and I'll miss sitting here with her strapped to my chest watching her smile in her sleep.

Growing Girl

(two week old, newborn picture)

Today my girl is two months old. And tomorrow is our two month old check-up at the doctor. I've worked myself into an anxious tizzy over it all.... Vaccines!

I will not use this as a platform to discuss the topic only to say, I don't even know what to believe any more. I've read, seen for myself, discussed, prayed, and called my pharmacist sister every other day for the past week... the only thing we (as mamas) can do, is act on our convictions. Again, DO what we believe is the very best thing for our child.

Currently I feel like my desire isn't a real option. Where I live doctors will not see you if you do not vaccinate. Even if you'd like to wait to vaccinate, you are told, "ok, don't come back until you are ready to get caught up on vaccinations...." Much like the way processed/ fast foods are by far the norm in our society, I think what may have once been a good thing has been taken way too far.

This is why Chris just texted me and said, " I love you very much. I love our daughter very much. Hand God the shots." I have a good man!! Ultimately, my child is in God's hands. I know this is not the last time I will have to remind myself of this.
...

A week from today is Thanksgiving. We will be celebrating Thursday with my family, Friday with Chris' family. I am grateful that it has been gorgeous this fall season in East Texas. My short drives around the area have been gorgeous. It's no Vermont or Central Park- but it'll do. For now!

My mom enjoys cooking and will be making everything for our families feast. That's just how she likes it.... For Chris' family gathering I'm making a veggie (opting for roasted brussels sprouts since that is very easy) and a pecan pie. Well, let me be honest, I've asked my mom to make an extra pecan pie... that I'm taking to Chris' family Thanksgiving!!

Camille and I are so happy that Chris is off work all week next week! We have no plans, but I'm excited to get to see my husband before nightfall and perhaps have some help at the grocery store.

Yesterday we tried out our stroller for the first time, just around the house (which is basically the church parking lot). She screamed at first (surprising I know...) and then dozed right off. We bought a used BOB stroller, because I wanted one so badly. I fine just not having a stroller, because paying $350-$450 for a stroller seemed rediculous. Then, we found a used one for $150 which was perfect. Then it had a flat tire. THEN... since she's still an infant, there is a piece that has to be installed so that her car seat can sit securely in place until she's 17 pounds. But now, now we have it all worked out. We are ready to hit the mall or go off-roading.

Happy Thanksgiving- if you don't hear from me before then. But hopefully, you will. And if you think about us say a pray for this mama and baby Camille. Tomorrow is shot day (hopefully done MY way!).

Unicorns and Rainbows and Sleeping Babies

Two posts in two days? What??

Well, as I sit here, darling daughter strapped to my chest, snoozing in her ring sling, I though I'd share a little about how these seven weeks have gone. You know, instead of frantically uploading photos as quickly as I can and not really saying much. Cause that's how much time I have.....

....
Well, that didn't work, as I suspected.

Ok, I'll try this again. I had to quickly abort that last blogging effort to sooth a fussy child. So, I hope to get something legible here, to share, because I'm able to type with two hands at the moment. A luxury that is quite rare for me nowadays.

All I can keep thinking is, "How do people do this with more than one child??!!" This baby requires my attention 24/7 and I don't see how mom's (or dad's for that matter) take care of and nurture and spend quality time with multiple children. Not when it comes to caring for a newborn. Or maybe mine is just high-maintnence. I read a blog by a girl a little younger than me with FIVE children. Her youngest is only a month or so older than Camille. And she homeschools. And her blog is updated... daily. And she's gorgeous and she leaves her home... more than once a week! It's nothing short of a miracle, really

My girl, she's fussy. I mean at first I chalked it up to all tiny, little, infants being fussy. Then, I realized when I'm around family/ friends (those rare moments and those rare friends who actually see us....) they comment on how fussy she is. If she's not at the boob, or sleeping, usually she's crying. Granted, she's still sleeping about 18 hours a day... and she eats 8-12 times a day... BUT, it has only been quite recently (like in the last week) that she'll sit and be content; be in in dad's lap or in her swing or in her bouncy seat. Those people that talked about swings like they were the most amazing inventions,  yeah, doesn't work for my kid. Tummy time...? I struggle to get her out of my arms, then put her in position she's uncomfortable in- forget it. I still try, daily, to get her to spend some time on her play mat, it's getting better.

She likes to be held. By me. Almost all. day. long. It's not the worst thing in the world, I mean, taking care of her is my job right now, I get that. I like that. I'm fine with attachment parenting. It's just that some days I'd like to shower. (Where I can wash my hair and shave my legs...) Or brush my teeth. Or have ten minutes alone with my husband without nodding off in my glider.

I do love this girl, and I knew it would be hard, but every moment of every day is different than it was before she was here. Like yesterday: we went to the grocery store. She's usually wonderful in the car- sleeping OR bright-eyed taking in this big, wide, world, as long as she's not hungry! But, as soon as we got to the grocery store- she wanted to be held. "Sleep in this car seat? I think not!" We didn't even make it through the produce section before she was screaming her head off and I had to pull her out and strap her on to me. Less than a minute later she was all burrowed into my chest and sound asleep.

I have to plan my showers, dinner preparation and trips to the grocery store around her eating schedule, napping schedule and if she's just down right having a bad day. And for us it's like that; some days are good and some days she just wants to scream.

I've struggled with her rate of weight-gain. I've had weeks of green baby poop. I've decided to start pumping and I hate it. I've texted/ called/ facebooked/ emailed those women I know who've been there and love me and care and can just listen sometimes.  I've ignored some advice, taken some others. I've realized this is how I'm going to feel about this little girl forever. It's not going to stop- my level of concern, commitment and wanting to do what is best for her well-being. For the most part, that is how all moms feel. And how we'll always feel about our children.
...

I found a group of ladies in the Tyler area (about 25 miles from our home) who meet once a month- Positive Birth Group, Tyler.  They are my community right now and we discuss all things birth and topics related to child-rearing.

I'm reading A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming when I can pick it up and get a chapter or two in. So far I've really enjoyed it. I'd like to re-read Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott again, because I know I'd see it in an entirely new light.

Overall, I'm glad I did placenta encapsulation. I don't have any previous experience to weigh it against, but I've felt really well. Tired those first ten days- dead tired. Zombie like. BUT, I've not suffered with any other postpartum aggravations. I'd do it again. I know I've said it a million times, but I loved my midwives and my birth experience. Pregnancy and childbirth is not as intense as 18 years of caring for this girl and loving her well. That is stressful stuff!
...

Born at 7lb 5oz, Camille was 6lb 9oz at our ten day pediatrician visit,  and lactation consultants came to our house that day. Within a week she'd gained 4oz, but the pediatrician wasn't happy with that and formula was given to us and it was highly recommended we supplement. I bawled. In the doctors office- I lost it. Chris has to complete the remainder of the visit, because I was really upset.
I decided NOT to supplement and continued forward. Marathon nursing...

She gained, but only an ounce or so a week... SLOWLY. I enjoyed working with the lactation consultants and learned a lot from their home visits.

And then suddenly about two weeks ago, she started gaining rapidly. Right now she's still only 8lb 4oz, but I'm happy with her current rate of gaining. And it's been hard. I looked into making our own formula with goats milk. I looked into donor milk. I asked my best friend if I could have the remaining breastmilk in her freezer since her daughter just weaned.  But all's well now... I just had to keep on, despite what others thought.

The one thing people repeatedly tell me is to trust my gut. To listen to my mommy instinct. To be still and quiet and I'll know the right thing to do.

Family Fun

Camille, six weeks old

Last weekend, seven weeks after her birth, Camille got to meet her Aunt Laura Beth. My sister was in town from Amarillo where she's attending Texas Tech pharmacy school. It was a short visit, but for the two days ALL nine of us were able to be together.

Laura Beth and Camille 

Camille and Aunt Chrissy 

Grandma time! Grandma Renee LOVES her time with Camille 

Over the two days we also took a family photo. All of us, mom, dad, me and my three siblings, the two husbands and baby Camille. Family dogs were also photographed... our little Bella didn't get to tag along with us though. Since baby girl's birth she's sort of become VERY second class. She's no longer inside, but spends her days outside where she continues to dig and dig and dig.  She is inside at night though, in the laundry room. It's just too much to corral a puppy and watch a newborn all day.

Camille screamed most of the family photo shoot. We all met at mom and dad's home, even the photographer.  It was a lovely fall day, but,  baby was tired and worn out from the previous day's activities. Being the center of attention is alot of work!

At seven weeks I feel like I sort of know what I'm doing a little better. Sort of. Maybe I just feel more confident in the fact that, I don't know what I'm doing and I'm willing to admit it now. But this whole mom thing is feeling more normal now. Reality is still sinking in. 

I'm still home all day every day with my little girl: nursing, dirty diapers and napping are pretty much what I take care of on a daily basis. Sometimes laundry, sometimes sweeping, sometimes vacuuming- but never all on the same day. If we are feeling really brave we go to the grocery store... 

The days are cooler and I know that we will be spending more and more time indoors as December and January approach. This may prove harder than it sounds right now, but we will manage. Spring will be here before I know it, and I'll have a six-month-old! 

The first month...

One month old petite, little, sweet baby girl

Camille at one month, Oct. 21, 2013

We are just now back to birth weight. Lots of tears, questions and practice- BUT

all's well and we are breastfeeding exclusively. This was by far the hardest part of it all so far--- doubting my milk making abilities... And wondering why my little girl is so little. BUT all the midwives and doctors and lactation consultants say - "She's fine...." So I'm trying to relax. It's taken me some time... All her clothes and cloth diapers are too big (cause I KNEW I'd have this huge baby and returned all my newborn items.... but here we are.)

How I see my little munchkin most of the time: Nursing 

Pappa and Camille at the end of the day 

First time in the Moby. Chris was a natural and Camille fell asleep in about two seconds.

She found her thumb and was out! 

Cuddles with dad in her swaddle. 

A birth story (short version)

There are so many things I'd like to tell you right now. As I'm sure you can believe, these last couple of weeks have proven to be the most challenging, growing, strengthening and fully alive days of my life. The Chambers are now three. 

Baby Dorothy Camille came right on time- one day early to be exact. Friday I felt crampy and tight in my belly, but tried to ignore it- I knew this could go on for days... I worked, but I skipped the gym. Our Friday night plans included pizza and movies but by 8:00pm we were timing contractions- although I wouldn't call them contractions, just a "tightness" or "cramp" in my uterus. This had been happening since about 5:00pm, but after walking and discussing whether or not it was labor, Chris decided to time things. I couldn't ignore them, but they weren't unbearable, so, I knew it could still be early labor, which IS NOT labor itself, and again, I had been told this might go on for days...

in her ring sling

At 10:00pm we called our doula to give her a heads-up, just incase went to the birth center that night, she'd sort of be ready for our call. She encouraged us to try and slow things down; for me to take a bath and have 4oz. of wine or so and try to relax and get some sleep. 

After an hour in the tub and drinking some red wine, nothing had changed and contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. So, after thinking, and talking and not wanting to rush into calling the midwife, we called her at 11:00pm Friday night. She said, "Looks like we are having a baby tonight. If things were going to slow down, they'd have slowed down by now." She said she'd meet us at the birth center at 12:00pm midnight.

It was raining. On the 30 minute drive into Tyler I listened to my positive affirmations CD and clenched Chris's hand during contractions. The drive wasn't as unbearable as I had previously imagined, since I was restricted to sitting and not moving about as I wished. We got to the birth center before anyone else and stood under a large umbrella in the rain, swaying during contractions. 

Our doula arrived next, and I sat on her birthing ball on the porch, around 12:15am the midwife arrived. Once inside things seemed to progress immediately. 

Two more midwives arrived (having just left a home birth) and one of them checked me. She asked what I'd like to be measuring at. (Honestly, I was thinking anything is better than nothing!!!! But I said, "A five.") She told me I was a good 7-8cm which thrilled me to know things had progressed so quickly and hopefully baby would be here sooner rather than later! I'd made it this far, I could make it through pushing her out into this world. (I was later told that she lied to me.... I was really 9cm dilated. But, for fear9 of freaking me out, in case I still had a long labor ahead, she said 7.)

going out for a fall walk 

Within minutes I was in the birthing tub. For an hour. It didn't seem like an hour to me, but, 

I'm told it was.... And I made no progress, but almost felt like pushing immediately after getting in the  water. For the next several hours I changed positions and I pushed.... I remember thinking."God please let her be here by 3:00am...." then , an hour later, "God, please let her be here by 4:00am....."

Each new position brought more intense contractions, but my water never broke. I was pushing her, water bag and all, which was making the pushing much more difficult. If my water would break, things would progress even more.

So, when my husband went to take his first, and only rest/ break of the night- my water broke and I knew she would be following close behind. I looked across the room into the rocking chair he was sitting in and said, "get over here now." Our doula supported me from behind and Chris sprung into place, just in time to see our daughter born.  Three pushes and she was out, four hours after arriving at the birth center.  

She was all arms and legs. long and lean.  And she looked just like me.  I was surprised at her hair and was in love immediately. It's a new sort of love. It's unlike anything else I've ever experienced. 

By 7:00am the three of us were on our way home, cooler temperatures, rain, the next day would be the first day of Autumn,  It was a long night, (especially for the midwives who got another call at 6:00am- someone else on their way into the birth center...) 

I was so proud of my daughter, of her beautiful entrance into the world. She did it. We did it.  I got the birth I wanted. Things may not have gone as I imagined, but, it all went so well and so perfectly.  I am so happy to be a mom.

My Daughter

Dorothy Camille Chambers, born 4:15am Saturday, September 21, 2013

7lb 5oz, 21" long

First hours of life outside the womb

Papa loves talking with Camille, and she loves to listen 

One more week

Well, I'm actually not at 40 weeks yet, I have two more days. And I've sort of given up my hopes that this little girl would actually come early. Tonight is a full moon, so if you're one to believe in that sort of thing, there is always that opportunity.

This pie chart would be more accurate if it said 50% of the time - "Fielding phone calls from PEOPLE asking if you've had the baby yet." My mom really hasn't called. She says it's going to be awhile. And Chris tells me to look toward October. (Which would really only be nine days late, but sounds like forever away!)

Yesterday at our prenatal visit a couple was walking out as we were walking in and Chris said, "That girl looked more pregnant that you." To which I replied, "I don't know if you can be more pregnant than me." When one of the midwives overheard this she said, "Oh, yes you can be 42 weeks pregnant, 43...." And I'm just thinking, No, I'm really ready right now!
...

I continue to hoard items as if the apocalypse were coming, and the more time I have I just keep stocking those cabinets.

I've also been buying all those"just in case I need them" items for rough breastfeeding days ahead. I hope I don't need them... At least not for long and not all of them!

Yesterday, after our appointment with the midwives, I went to two health food stores and a wonderful grocery store FRESH which is the only thing close to anything Whole Foods or Central Market - like within 100 miles of these parts. I was searching for some source of protein that sounds good. I was told yesterday I'm not getting enough. But, my blood pressure is it's normal "low" and I have zero swelling, but I need to get intentional (again) with that protein thing. (It just doesn't sound good. Ever. I settled on a 25gr protein shake that I'm going to guzzle every day. Blah! And, I still need to find about 75 gr. more a day.)

And FRESH, it's just okay. But I got some grains and some good cheese and .... yes, four types of organic apples. I am slightly depressed to be missing apple season in the Northeast and want people to know red delicious, Jonagold, and Granny Smith are poo-poo compared to the variety and deliciousness of apples available in apple growing country. Especially conventional apples all waxy and shiny.

I do constantly think about this little girl's name and spent about an hour on nameberry.com yesterday.... You know, in case there are more options I need to consider... It's hard naming a kid. Well, it is for this perfectionist. Chris reassures me, we will know when we see her.

One of my midwives told me yesterday to keep putting things on the calendar and to plan something to do each day. I think this is advice I should heed. Considering months ago I circled, highlighted and stared September 22nd in yellow and pretty much have planned on doing nothing but loving this little baby for the weeks following. But, she may not get here until the 29th.... SO, in order to not drive myself nuts, I've been encouraged to put something on each day: get a pedicure, go to a movie, visit a friend, go out for ice-cream Sundays. Anything.

Sooner or later, she'll be here. Hallelujah!

38w4d photo shoot

Well, I didn't really want maternity pictures. I think while I appreciate the changes taking place within my body to support and nurture this new little person, I feel plain ole big. And, honestly, I'd rather direct the monies toward newborn photos of little miss than spend money on my baby belly.

But I was lucky enough to WIN a free mini photo session with Kali Shanti of Mama Matters doula and childbirth photography. This was a wonderful little treat and I know I will treasure these pictures for years to come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was 6:30pm on an evening in early September and while we struggled to find sunlight at times, I was still sweating by the end. Nevertheless, I think the photographs turned out beautifully and I'm very thankful for Kali (who is also 28 week pregnant herself!) who offered her services and captured some wonderful images.