Growing a Family

At the end of January we decided to get a puppy. Well, we had been discussing a dog and then one night our pastor called us trying to give us one. His daughter had brought home a ten week old puppy and well, he was not interested. BUT, he knew we were. So, we went over and got her that night. (After much discussion and debate and weighing the good, bad and ugly of it all). Less than twenty-four hours later, we found out we were pregnant. I was ready to return the dog.

We weren't trying to get pregnant. We barley had an address and I hadn't even started my job yet. (But had accepted the offer...)

If you know me at all, you know I've struggled with this for years. In NYC I went to specialists, got fertility acupuncture and tried Chinese/ herbal remedies to try and find some healing. Some help. Nothing helped. Nothing fixed me. But seven months working on a farm in upstate New York seemed to do the trick. I think I was a nervous, anxious wreck in NYC. Mostly without even knowing it. I was a slave to the gym, filling my days with yoga and jogging and weights. I ate a low-fat diet (terrible for fertility). Kept my calendar pretty full (who would want to sit around in that 400 square foot apartment?) And suffered panic attacks the last year of my life there... so yeah, I guess that will do it.

And now. Here we are. Sixteen weeks into a forty week journey that will end with three. I know my life's about the change forever, but it's hard to anticipate that or know what to expect. This was not my timing. (As a matter of fact, I think the news has surprised most everyone.) And for that I felt guilty at first. Like, my baby will know that this isn't a good time for me. But many pregnancies are unplanned. And I love this little baby more and more each day.

It's crazy. There was nothing. No one. Then there was something. Someone. And a heartbeat and eventually I'll hold this new person in my arms. I mean, I know we were all conceived and we were all born, but living it day-to-day is huge miracle to be a part of.

Yesterday was our second prenatal visit. We are using a midwife at Childbirth Services in Tyler and I truly enjoy the time I've spent getting to know these ladies. The highlight of the each visit is hearing the heartbeat. (When we went in for our initial consultation at 12 weeks and they asked, "Do you want to hear the heartbeat?" I was like, Is that possible? Are you serious? Heck Yeah!)  Chris and I are reading books and books and books... And asking questions and learning so much. These are our feeble attempts in preparing.

....

The weekend prior to our little "surprise" I went to a Holy Yoga event in Dallas. It was amazing. I was even considering training and becoming certified. But now I know, this is not the season for that-- however, it might be in God's plan for the future.

Killing time in Dallas a few hours before the event, I found myself in Barnes in Noble browsing books and books and books and this verse jumped from the pages of a book in the Christian section (though the author and title escape me now.)

Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Days and even weeks later I come back to this verse. Yes, more than I can ask or think. That's our God.