Unchanging

It's been a rough week. A week that can leave you wondering about things like hope and fear and God's permissive will. Boston, MA and West, TX aside.

Even the little every day tinkering.
Pain. Loss. Death. Frustration. Loneliness. Cancer. Frustration.
This week
Even for someone removed from the massive tragedies that made worldwide headlines this week- which doesn't make them any less tragic, but these feelings are suddenly universal.
Unavoidable.
Human.
Result of the fall of man. My daily falling. Unbelief and self-sustaining desires.

"Come unto me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest....."

Where? When? Is this attainable on this side of heaven? I wonder?

Pain. A friend, (who was my very best friend 4th-8th grade) who I've reconnected with in Texas, is watching her sister lie in ICU. Sick. Unresponsive. Forty-three years old and suddenly full of pain. Waiting... for answers from doctors. From specialists. To prayers.

Loss. "Sucky day today indeed, but helps to have a good cry..." This was the response I got from a friend when I texted her and told her I was thinking of her. Her baby boy died four years ago last Monday. After work I lay in bed and cried for her. For him. For the absence that will always be and the unknowing that will remain. Why did God let that happen?

Frustration: For my own unanswered prayers. For wondering why and what I'm doing wrong. (Cause I must be doing something wrong, yes??) I want to learn this lesson. I want to acknowledge that thing that God is trying to teach me.... to get there. To the valley. To the milk and honey. To daily bread. Enough.

I am happy. I am trusting. I am seeking.

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light..."

But the weigh. The effort. It remains.

Loneliness. I long for a community of believers, of people with my likes/ interests/ dreams. People in their 30's. People that can relate to my husband. To me. Who will love this baby we are bringing into this world. In the city (granted it was a city of eight million) I longed for the country. In the country I feel misunderstood and alone and think I can never make it without living somewhere more populated. My spirit longs for more life. Deeper life. Living. For friends.
....

It's a difficult week, but we can have hope.
We can hold onto Him. We can be held by Him.

Nothing surprises our God. And nothing makes Him love us any less. He's Unchanging.
He knows I doubt, fear, hurt, want to scream, "Where are you?" sometimes.
He remains. He is there. He will never leave.
God likes me. God likes you.
Jesus, Help us trust and obey.

"Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16