Even When

While my hemline may not be creeping up, summer sure is! Although I do confess to wearing some pretty short maternity shorts around the house and to water the flowers and play fetch with Bella out in the yard. However, I think the heat and humidity are getting to her too. After only a little running and playing, that puppy is off in the shade panting on her side. I concur. 

Chris says I keep the house too cold. Already. It's not even June and I have four more months of pregnancy to endure. Not the greatest time to be pregnant, but not exactly planned. All I can think about are those endless summer days that everyone in Texas kept complaining about two years ago when we lived in NYC. "It's been over 100 degrees for 50 days." "Sixty days." "Eighty days....." 

Then, "It's been over 100 degrees for 100 days straight!" 

Yeah. I get it. You win, Texans. You win. It's freaking hot here. Why did I come back to subject myself to this misery?

I know Manhattan was hot, and humid, and the weekend we moved (our first apartment) into our second floor, walk-up apartment it was 97 degrees in NYC. No a/c in the building.... But the Texas sun, I feel like I'm in Mexico; my skin turning to a crisp just from walking from my car into the building. 

Our last summer in NYC there were several days which the temperature rose over 100 degrees. There were threats of another blackout. Chris was out-of-town. I refused to ride the subway and walked everywhere, for fear of suffocation. I was trying to avoid a panic attack and mental breakdown. Even when waiting for the bus, I'd stand inside the Duane Reade, pretending to shop for magazines until I spotted a bus.

It was the same weekend I headed upstate for a prayer/  meditation retreat, which, I thought, would give me some relief. Until I had to take the crowded 5:00 rush-hour Amtrak train- that was not running the a/c- to conserve energy. And the old nunnery turned Christian campground- yeah, no a/c there either. Only a ceiling fan in my tiny room. I slept on top of the covers in a t-shirt. 

The way it feels in Texas already, I'm wondering how I'm going to make it through this summer without wearing only a t-shirt out of my house each day. 

Enough about the weather.

I usually don't blog on Sundays, but find myself with time and desire. I've been trying to take advantage of my down time these days. Sleeping, reading, baking, spending time watching movies on the couch with my husband (side-by-side time, we call it). 

I've been asking God to help me submit to his perfect plan for my life. To wait well. To stand on His promises and not doubt His sovereignty.

I can feel this little bubble of life kicking around inside of me. Punches and jabs popping in my belly and this is what I remain hopeful for. That God gave us this blessing and He'll continue to provide. When I want to give up- I can't because I already feel like someone else is dependent on me. On me hanging in there and being faithful and expecting Bigger things. 

Even when I get in my car on a Friday afternoon and the ignition won't turn. Even when I wish so badly for my husband to get a job- and the phone doesn't ring. Even when people who said they'd show up they don't and I'm left doing it all alone. Even when I don't get paid for another two weeks. God will make a way, he actually already did.