The End is Drawing Near

With two weeks left until I leave this here, “farm livin,” I find myself drinking a Hefewiezen (I am NOT a beer drinker. At all.) because there is no wine in this barn apartment, and eating some lovely 85% dark chocolate.

My hands are burning from the peppers I chopped for the last batch of fresh salsa I will make for the season. Yes, we are still harvesting tomatoes. They are in a greenhouse. (Well, it’s not a greenhouse technically, as in there is no temperature regulation, just sides that roll up and down and the irrigation is monitored. But really, the plants are just protected. I call it a field house. Some call it a hoop house. But they are in the ground. They are not hydroponically grown. Whatever.) It’s the cilantro that pretty much went kaput after the first (and only) frost the night of Oct. 12^th… So with the final cilantro of the year and some of the last tomatoes I whipped up some salsa for my honey. With two jalapenos and two NeMex Jo’s and my hands are feeling the sting.

Yesterday I made the last loaf of savory zucchini bread with the last half of the last zucchini for the season… Chris was quite sad. He’s still not sick of zucchini. This savory bread was new to me: zucchini, parsley, cheese and scallions. Much different than the pumpkin-like zucchini bread I’m used to.

So, our time is almost up. Well, my time is anyway. In two weeks from today I’ll be flying home to Texas. For good. For now. And in between now and then I’m taking an extended weekend into New York City to see my girls one last time. So, yeah, my farm days are numbered. Chris will follow soon thereafter. Somehow. Although those details aren’t quite figured out yet. Uhaul? Winnebago? Truck? Van? And we have a car and a motorcycle we are sorting through… .Oddly enough, we both agreed that me NOT being around for all the moving drama would probably be a good thing. I’m just boxing everything up and leaving him to it.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’ve learned or felt or accomplished while being here. And while I really don’t know what exactly all that means and may not be able to easily put my finger on what has changed in me, I know things have. This opportunity has put a lot of things in perspective for me. I just want to live simply. I want to be purposeful with my time and career and in all things. God continually reminds me to slow down and to enjoy the “nothing to do.”

In the seasons of cold and rain and wind here in upstate New York, with no community and very little to do for outside entertainment, I often felt I might go stir crazy- BUT, I know resting was what my body needed. More reading more writing, more stillness and time indoors and less going from gym to work to rehearsal to wine with a friend to an apartment that was never ever as quiet as it is here.

I still love farms and farmers and farming--- just not sure it’s for me. For a career.

And I still love (and miss) my 3” heels and dangly earrings and Armani wool coat and pink toenails. Having things is not bad, but letting THINGS get out of control is. We are not our things.

I’ve been with my husband, pretty much 24/7 since April 1^st. I am not lying. At times it has been trying, but I think overall we’ve laughed more together in these last seven months than in the last seven years combined.

…

I’ve also been thinking about what I would like to do in NYC during this final trip in and I think my first stop will be to get these bushy eyebrows tended to! It’ll be awhile until my hands are back to normal –if that even happens at all, and no one is seeing these toes until spring, but my brows need some assistance. As does my hair, but that may just have to wait until Texas where prices are cheaper.

I want to sit and write in Java Girl again, visit the Union Square Farmers Market (cause I can’t get enough), walk through Central Park, have soup at Le Pain, something yeasty and bready and crispy at Amy’s Bread, and some world-renowned licorice at Dean and Deluca. It’s the people that I miss the most though. And that I will continue to miss.

People who hugged me when I was hurting, who cried with me, who invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and who sat on my sofa on Christmas Eve. People I have run races with, sang songs with, been on TV with, danced in the street with, been fired from jobs with, worked 9-5 forty hours a week with, been to weddings with, been to funerals with, written letters to and received letters from. People I’ve visited in the hospital, cat sat for, who’ve let me sleep on their sofas (and they've slept on mine!), called when I was down, had wine with, people I've prayed with.