Where to begin...

So, you know when you join a gym and you are going, like, a consistent 4 or 5 days a week? I mean you are going strong. Feeling good. Feeling healthy. You meet someone in kickboxing class, Jennifer. She tells you where to get inexpensive sports bras. The girl at the front desk knows your membership number and the guy at the smoothie bar knows you like Soy Protein Powder. You look toned and radiant. Then, it's your anniversary weekend and you miss a few days. Then you go on a two week vacation- and miss two more weeks. Then, you return home and want to spend the weekend with your husband. This is a three-day weekend of course- he did take off work on Friday for you. And after all, if he did take off work for you then you shouldn't waste time at the gym.

Then you feel lethargic. Bloated. Lazy. And quite embarrassed for missing so much time away from the gym. You were good at the gym. You were the gym goddess. You looked forward to it and actually enjoyed it. People commented on how well you looked and how refreshed you seemed. Now, you wonder if you could ever go back there again. How pathetic.

After being away for almost a month (and people are noticing & asking) you decide to just start where you are.

So, here I am. Starting. It's not the gym for me--- it's this blog! I have a problem called an "all or nothing worldview." I am such a perfectionist that it often causes me to quit before I even actually give myself a chance. I am going to do it (the it being anything), do it good, do it right, do it until I give myself an ulcer or a hernia or a heart attack. (And by the way, I think everyone should do everything like this too. Yeah, you, why aren't you a perfectionist like I am?)

I am completely overwhelmed with where to start and what to say because I feel like I have so much to say, but obviously that must not be the case, 'cause I sure ain't saying much!

Someone asked me, "So, now you have a full-time job and can't write?" Sadly enough, that is pretty much the case. However, I will do this thing. I will get pictures up soon too, of my trip home and the people and places I saw while I was there. I missed home. I hated leaving alot this time. I asked myself why I was living so, so far away from the people who love me most. Then I remembered my current mantra- To Love Well. Love Well. Love Well. I am in NYC to love well. To love the unlovable and lonely and worn out folks. I do love NYC.

I have been writing though. In my journal. Only you can't read my journal, but I'll share an excerpt I wrote on my plane ride back to NYC.

"I am pretty sure the lady sitting beside me in 8F does not like the way I smell of patchouli and almond. She keeps covering her nose and is leaning purposefully toward the center aisle. But, I don't like the way she smells of curry and saffron (or turmeric, or whatever that smell is). So, I guess we're even. And stuck here for the next 2 1/2 hours."

(And now, as much as I want to go on and on, I must go back to work...)