In the Midst of it...

You know how people always say, "I think God is taking me somewhere new" or "Things are about to change for me, I can sense it." But, are we ever willing to admit that we are in the middle of it all. I think I am smack-dab in the middle of my growing. Since last November I have really been giving thought to what this is all about. I've heard people say that they were never really grown up until they were in their thirties, and then they really started living life. And I'm thinking, should I just stay in bed all day until the next March 23rd rolls around? I am still overly dramatic and out-of-control like I was at seven, only now my husband has to rationalize with me, not my mother.

My husband will be thirty on Friday. I have known hims since he was seventeen. I never would have imagined our lives turning out this way- it's much better than anything I dreamed of then. So, what am I going to do with it all? With my experiences and my city and my talents and my time.... It's too much to think about.

I prefer going day to day. I recently read that during the Enlightenment the Christian perspective got "beaten up." The world and life itself became a machine to be understood by reason and science and less of a mystery. Too many times I am trying to solve the problem or figure out the right equation instead of relying on faith and divine revelation. Not to say that if I just become a hermit or wait forever amazing things will happen, but I am only supposed to be who I was created to be. It will all come in his timing. And it may never, ever make sense.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

Marcel Proust