Speechless

Here's where I am. I've been trying to be still more to listen more and it's really hard. I think we all want to talk and share and feel, not only wanted and understood, but well, normal. Just to have someone nod their head and "get" it.

Personally, I'm really trying hard to do more of the nodding and sitting and waiting than just spewing words vomitous at people.

This morning I read that in order for us to be able to listen and engage with those around us sincerely then we have to be spending time in the stillness listening to God. I have to spend time in silence and solitude in order to love others well, in order to listen well. Silence, solitude and stillness are where God speaks to us. They are pivotal to the Christian life. Stopping- even weekly for a Sabbath- is required to maintain any sort of joy and peace in life. God commanded us to do it, so why does it go against all that I feel is right? Why does our Western culture applaud the go-Go-GOing and "Martha Stewart-ness"?

In the hiccups, in the gasping for air, in the small pause at the top of the breath- that is where He waits for us. Often when I find myself there, I don't know what to do with the quiet. I long for rest but when given the opportunity I usually would rather fill my time with shredding last years bank statements and going through Chris's white undershirts, finding which ones can now move to the "get rid of" or "dust rag" pile.

Loving others well is not easy. There are about 25 people that I want to love well. Everyone else- I often push aside, don't make time for, or just nod my head in agreement of their rambling nonsense (that I don't agree with) just to get them to shut up. Loving well means speaking truth. Loving well means there will be conflict. Loving well means I listen to you when share your story and I don't interrupt. And I listen with clarity and understanding and ears that don't think they know what they will hear next.

Here's where I am. I haven't written this month. Minus about a page where I tried to get the ball rolling with random thoughts and starts and blimps of the week prior.

I know there is something in me boiling, something that will come to fruition. I just have to keep these fingers on the keyboard. Being still. Listening for words and dialogs and descriptions still to come.