Thirty is the new twenty-two

Thirty or forty years ago by the age of twenty-two you were settled. Really. Even when my own parents were twenty-two they had a house and a car and a couple kids and jobs and a Big Red bow on their white picket fence that went around their perfectly manicured front yard.

Okay, maybe not, but a twenty-two year old had a profession. They were rooted and living life somewhere permanent with a list of goals to strive for and achievements accomplished. And not that I'm not one of the greatest To Do List makers, I don't think it's what God really wants from me.

I'm thirty and don't own a car or a house or a piece of property or even a dog for crying out loud. The world has become smaller, and opportunities more obtainable. We can travel, visit other countries, take vacations to far away places. We experience more of the world than our parents, just as they did more than their parents, etc. etc. We truly live in a global community. And we don't want to settle down or stay anywhere too long because there is an entire world to explore. We are more independent, smarter, braver & skeptical. And in NYC this is amplified- everyone's young, single, without children or family or "home." And you can't survive without home- without a place to rest and be yourself.

And while I do have a home here, a community of people that I need, I'm afraid that I want more than belonging. Acceptance and feeling a part of something larger than myself are wonderful things- but I'm longing to step into next layer of maturity. Something that is individualized and fits tightly. I want to grow up, to feel like a grown up, I guess. So, when does that happen?

I guess I always thought that to be fully mature (defined as: having completed natural growth and development) I would need a demanding job, or enough money, or a child of my own- but that is not it. It's putting aside childish ways and living an emotionally healthy life. Realizing that humility brings wisdom. That listening is more important than talking. That I'll never figure life out. And in this life- completion will never be reached.

Growing hurts. And what really goes on inside that bright green cocoon with it's gold little zipper- no one really knows. But we are promised that on the other side something beautiful will emerge.