The past few days (and into this week) I have been house-sitting (dog-sitting really) for my sister. The one we stayed with when we first returned to Texas. It's been nice to be out. Out where four white-tailed deer greeted me from the back porch this morning. All ten pounds of Abe, her Brussels Griffon, did a very good job of protecting us though, and off they ran.
On my morning walks I've seen robins, cardinals, deer, rabbit..... It's funny because not being here made me miss all of these things, when I was in NYC. And when I encountered such beauty living in upstate New York I took in each and every detail. However, things in Texas aren't as flat and desolate and brown as I made them out to be. There is beauty here. A friend of ours told us this week, "you see what you want to see." While I know this is true, and could have understood it's meaning at twelve years old, I'm understanding it more and more, having lived, left and returned to this place.
There are Canadian geese here. Some, not massive amounts, but I can hear their calling from time to time. Especially out at my sister's home on Lake Athens. There is even a little family of six I pass on my regular route; little goslings that are grounded for a few more weeks.
It's not like our house is in the city by any means. We are just in the middle of town. Maybe the smallest town ever, but it's not quiet where we live. All of this is steps from our home. Live music. Night life. The only place to go for miles around... yeah, everyone comes here on the weekends. It's not like I can just strap on my Nikes and go out for a quick walk around the neighborhood. Not so much.
...
And everyone knows where we live: in the middle of town, new to the area, working at the church.... They see my bathroom light come on at 3:00am when I just have to get up. It's not exactly the country. But it, really, really is.
I had forgot how everyone burns their trash outside the city limits. Or piles of limbs. Or leaves. Or anything. (It seems as if every weekend someone within a mile of our house is burning off a huge pile of brush. I know it's my heightened sense of smell, but it's pretty ridiculous.) No one recycles. Anything. I mean, I knew this... but, why doesn't anyone at least try? Or start a movement? I guess if you can burn your magazines, milk cartons, olive jars and old couch cushions in your backyard, why bother?
Some things I missed:
Rolling pastures full of Indian paint brushes
Flip-flop weather 8 months out of the year
Having a car trunk to carry your belonging to and from vs. your own back
Some things I didn't.
...
I'm still coming to terms with it all. We don't pretend to know what's going on in our lives right now, Chris and me. We are still experiencing new characteristics of God each day we wake up. Some things may still change, a lot. Not much. We don't know. I think it is completely wonderful and totally God that he gave us this child now, of all times.
I was much more prepared many more times earlier. I was ready. I was praying for God's will, though, and it didn't work out how I thought it might. Then here, in Texas, not even a month- it happens. And I think, What are we going to do? How are we going to do it?
I'm so grateful so much of my life didn't turn out like I wanted it to. Or like it could have (but for the grace of God go I). I appreciate the guidance and leadership of my husband and know this season is absolutely from above. I'm switching to this mindset of family. Of dad, mom, and the kids. And it's okay. I don't have to loose me in all of it and I don't have to decide tomorrow the city I want to live in forever. But sometimes I wish I could see a little bit more. But, then I wouldn't need faith, I guess.
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