The past few days (and into this week) I have been house-sitting (dog-sitting really) for my sister. The one we stayed with when we first returned to Texas. It's been nice to be out. Out where four white-tailed deer greeted me from the back porch this morning. All ten pounds of Abe, her Brussels Griffon, did a very good job of protecting us though, and off they ran.
On my morning walks I've seen robins, cardinals, deer, rabbit..... It's funny because not being here made me miss all of these things, when I was in NYC. And when I encountered such beauty living in upstate New York I took in each and every detail. However, things in Texas aren't as flat and desolate and brown as I made them out to be. There is beauty here. A friend of ours told us this week, "you see what you want to see." While I know this is true, and could have understood it's meaning at twelve years old, I'm understanding it more and more, having lived, left and returned to this place.
There are Canadian geese here. Some, not massive amounts, but I can hear their calling from time to time. Especially out at my sister's home on Lake Athens. There is even a little family of six I pass on my regular route; little goslings that are grounded for a few more weeks.
It's not like our house is in the city by any means. We are just in the middle of town. Maybe the smallest town ever, but it's not quiet where we live. All of this is steps from our home. Live music. Night life. The only place to go for miles around... yeah, everyone comes here on the weekends. It's not like I can just strap on my Nikes and go out for a quick walk around the neighborhood. Not so much.
...
And everyone knows where we live: in the middle of town, new to the area, working at the church.... They see my bathroom light come on at 3:00am when I just have to get up. It's not exactly the country. But it, really, really is.
I had forgot how everyone burns their trash outside the city limits. Or piles of limbs. Or leaves. Or anything. (It seems as if every weekend someone within a mile of our house is burning off a huge pile of brush. I know it's my heightened sense of smell, but it's pretty ridiculous.) No one recycles. Anything. I mean, I knew this... but, why doesn't anyone at least try? Or start a movement? I guess if you can burn your magazines, milk cartons, olive jars and old couch cushions in your backyard, why bother?
Some things I missed:
Rolling pastures full of Indian paint brushes
Flip-flop weather 8 months out of the year
Having a car trunk to carry your belonging to and from vs. your own back
Some things I didn't.
...
I'm still coming to terms with it all. We don't pretend to know what's going on in our lives right now, Chris and me. We are still experiencing new characteristics of God each day we wake up. Some things may still change, a lot. Not much. We don't know. I think it is completely wonderful and totally God that he gave us this child now, of all times.
I was much more prepared many more times earlier. I was ready. I was praying for God's will, though, and it didn't work out how I thought it might. Then here, in Texas, not even a month- it happens. And I think, What are we going to do? How are we going to do it?
I'm so grateful so much of my life didn't turn out like I wanted it to. Or like it could have (but for the grace of God go I). I appreciate the guidance and leadership of my husband and know this season is absolutely from above. I'm switching to this mindset of family. Of dad, mom, and the kids. And it's okay. I don't have to loose me in all of it and I don't have to decide tomorrow the city I want to live in forever. But sometimes I wish I could see a little bit more. But, then I wouldn't need faith, I guess.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Just Mom Stuff
Two weeks from today, we will find out if we are having a boy or a girl. (Sorry if this blog has gone all nursing bra and mommy-ish. It's not my intent. Baby: it's just what consumes my thoughts so much of the time.)
Remember when I didn't even know what a baby Bjorn was but I bought one for this sweet baby girl? Well, now I am doing my reading- and learning Moby from Maya- and will be using the very bjorn that I bought for my friend to carry my own little baby. How cool is that? I have the nicest friends. One with two boys and one with two girls and both are cheering me on, in the gender game. Secretly hoping I'll be able to have/ borrow/ take their things. Either way, I am grateful.
So, as odd as it may seem, we are planning a natural birth with a midwife but will have one sonogram. And we do want to know the sex of the baby. Even though it'll be the end of September before we meet for the first time, this will help us know our little one a bit more. And it's a milestone; something to celebrate I guess. On Mother's Day week. I can not wait.
Besides slings and cribs and car seats and strollers the thing I want to get most right is the brand of cloth diaper we decide you use. My husband, being male, remembers the cloth diapers we wore in 1980 and thought that was still the option. The brands and types and sizes and material for cloth diapers these days is astonishing. That, and the fact that they cost $15-$25 each. But I really, really want to give this a try.
I think for the most part people think I'm crazy. Out of touch with reality. Have no idea what it will really be like. "Natural birth?" sure.... "Cloth diapering?" sure.... "Stay home and raise your family?" right.... "And sweetie, nursing ain't as easy as you think!" I know.
I know I have no idea. But, I can't help but think that it can be done. Women HAVE indeed done it. Some of my friends. My own mother. It is just what I think is right, and how I always pictured things for my family. No hospitals. No unnecessary testing. My desires being considered. And chubby nursing babies running around in saggy cloth diapers. And my husband wants it too. He's on board 100% with a doula and birthing at a birth center and cloth diapers and mashing up our own squash and peas and sweet potatoes when I come time to introduce solid food to our child.
And yes. It'll be work. And I'll be tired. And I'll wish I had time to even steam some broccoli or wash enough laundry. And I'll be tired. But we will make it. I simply have to believe, there is no other place I'm meant to be than where I am right now. God has blessed us with this child and He will take care of us- even when all I see is a gray fog surrounding me.
Phil 4:6-7
Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Remember when I didn't even know what a baby Bjorn was but I bought one for this sweet baby girl? Well, now I am doing my reading- and learning Moby from Maya- and will be using the very bjorn that I bought for my friend to carry my own little baby. How cool is that? I have the nicest friends. One with two boys and one with two girls and both are cheering me on, in the gender game. Secretly hoping I'll be able to have/ borrow/ take their things. Either way, I am grateful.
So, as odd as it may seem, we are planning a natural birth with a midwife but will have one sonogram. And we do want to know the sex of the baby. Even though it'll be the end of September before we meet for the first time, this will help us know our little one a bit more. And it's a milestone; something to celebrate I guess. On Mother's Day week. I can not wait.
Besides slings and cribs and car seats and strollers the thing I want to get most right is the brand of cloth diaper we decide you use. My husband, being male, remembers the cloth diapers we wore in 1980 and thought that was still the option. The brands and types and sizes and material for cloth diapers these days is astonishing. That, and the fact that they cost $15-$25 each. But I really, really want to give this a try.
I think for the most part people think I'm crazy. Out of touch with reality. Have no idea what it will really be like. "Natural birth?" sure.... "Cloth diapering?" sure.... "Stay home and raise your family?" right.... "And sweetie, nursing ain't as easy as you think!" I know.
I know I have no idea. But, I can't help but think that it can be done. Women HAVE indeed done it. Some of my friends. My own mother. It is just what I think is right, and how I always pictured things for my family. No hospitals. No unnecessary testing. My desires being considered. And chubby nursing babies running around in saggy cloth diapers. And my husband wants it too. He's on board 100% with a doula and birthing at a birth center and cloth diapers and mashing up our own squash and peas and sweet potatoes when I come time to introduce solid food to our child.
And yes. It'll be work. And I'll be tired. And I'll wish I had time to even steam some broccoli or wash enough laundry. And I'll be tired. But we will make it. I simply have to believe, there is no other place I'm meant to be than where I am right now. God has blessed us with this child and He will take care of us- even when all I see is a gray fog surrounding me.
Phil 4:6-7
Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Hot Head
I'm afraid I'm going to come off sounding a little bitter and New Yorker here, but just let me vent. Some days are like this. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. Or the temperature that's creeping up toward 80 degrees. Or that I have no air conditioning in my car (and the temperature is creeping up toward 80 degrees).
I went to the DMV today.
Now, yes, most DMV, like most post office visits, are terrible. Expectantly so. Long lines. Terrible service. It's part of life, for most, but one we like to quickly forget. I didn't go in this morning with high expectations. BUT, I need a Texas drivers license. I don't really want one. I'll admit giving up my NY drivers license changes a lot for me (if only in my own little head). Reality is reality, however. I haven't lived in NYC in over a year. Upstate NY since November. I went to get a license though, before I get any more pregnant, lest I look like a version of myself that I don't want to show the security guard at the airport in three years.
But I went and I left without a drivers license. Because:
1. I don't have my registration. Yes, the sticker is on the car, but that is not good enough. They want the piece of paper that I ripped the sticker off of two months ago and threw in the trash. ("If you go down to the tax office they can print you out a registration for $2.00." REALLY!!!?? What about I take a picture on my phone of the registration sicker on the car?)
2. The car isn't registered in my name, it's registered in Chris'. So, he has to fill out at affidavit stating yes, that we are actually married.
3. It's hard to prove our physical address is indeed our physical address. EVERYONE in Ben Wheeler told us immediately upon moving here, "Get a PO Box. You won't get your mail at your physical address. Ever." And we don't. So we did. The two bills we pay, have the churches address. Because we live in the parsonage. So, our name is nowhere on the electric or gas bill.... She didn't like that. (AND because the words, "I live in the parsonage. See here, it's our address, just not our name on the bill..." I can not roll my eyes and slam down my keys and shake my head in disbelief.
4. Additionally, they would like my social security card and my birth certificate, just to have them on file. I told her I had a TX DL from 1996-2006 and she had no problem finding me in "The System." But that wasn't good enough. And, evidently, now, they keep copies of these legal documents "on file." Why? This wasn't normal protocol in 1996.... I'm still me though, so let's take this picture while I'm still a normal weight and my hair looks good and it's not 102 degrees out and get me that TX DL ASAP, lady.
So, I left. with a list of things to go home and find, or to pay to obtain, and a stack of papers to fill out.
I'm thinking about remaining a New Yorker a little while longer.
......
Some days these things bother me more than others. Because later I stopped by Office Depot for three little items. I hesitated to give the cashier my phone number but did it anyway. She doesn't need it. No, I don't have a rewards card. No, I don't want one.
Then, I refused a bag for my one item that would actually fit in a bag, but the cashier persisted. I said "no thank you" again. She insisted that my item be bagged. So I let her. THEN, an employee came to my assistance and offered to help me take my three items out to my car. I said it was not necessary. He insisted (what is it with these people?). Three items. Granted two were large - but not heavy. And I don't look that pregnant. OR do I??
Nice people. Grrrrr. I miss New York. Get in. Get out. Don't make eye contact.
I'm hot. I'm cranky.
I need a dipped cone from Dairy Queen.
I went to the DMV today.
Now, yes, most DMV, like most post office visits, are terrible. Expectantly so. Long lines. Terrible service. It's part of life, for most, but one we like to quickly forget. I didn't go in this morning with high expectations. BUT, I need a Texas drivers license. I don't really want one. I'll admit giving up my NY drivers license changes a lot for me (if only in my own little head). Reality is reality, however. I haven't lived in NYC in over a year. Upstate NY since November. I went to get a license though, before I get any more pregnant, lest I look like a version of myself that I don't want to show the security guard at the airport in three years.
But I went and I left without a drivers license. Because:
1. I don't have my registration. Yes, the sticker is on the car, but that is not good enough. They want the piece of paper that I ripped the sticker off of two months ago and threw in the trash. ("If you go down to the tax office they can print you out a registration for $2.00." REALLY!!!?? What about I take a picture on my phone of the registration sicker on the car?)
2. The car isn't registered in my name, it's registered in Chris'. So, he has to fill out at affidavit stating yes, that we are actually married.
3. It's hard to prove our physical address is indeed our physical address. EVERYONE in Ben Wheeler told us immediately upon moving here, "Get a PO Box. You won't get your mail at your physical address. Ever." And we don't. So we did. The two bills we pay, have the churches address. Because we live in the parsonage. So, our name is nowhere on the electric or gas bill.... She didn't like that. (AND because the words, "I live in the parsonage. See here, it's our address, just not our name on the bill..." I can not roll my eyes and slam down my keys and shake my head in disbelief.
4. Additionally, they would like my social security card and my birth certificate, just to have them on file. I told her I had a TX DL from 1996-2006 and she had no problem finding me in "The System." But that wasn't good enough. And, evidently, now, they keep copies of these legal documents "on file." Why? This wasn't normal protocol in 1996.... I'm still me though, so let's take this picture while I'm still a normal weight and my hair looks good and it's not 102 degrees out and get me that TX DL ASAP, lady.
So, I left. with a list of things to go home and find, or to pay to obtain, and a stack of papers to fill out.
I'm thinking about remaining a New Yorker a little while longer.
......
Some days these things bother me more than others. Because later I stopped by Office Depot for three little items. I hesitated to give the cashier my phone number but did it anyway. She doesn't need it. No, I don't have a rewards card. No, I don't want one.
Then, I refused a bag for my one item that would actually fit in a bag, but the cashier persisted. I said "no thank you" again. She insisted that my item be bagged. So I let her. THEN, an employee came to my assistance and offered to help me take my three items out to my car. I said it was not necessary. He insisted (what is it with these people?). Three items. Granted two were large - but not heavy. And I don't look that pregnant. OR do I??
Nice people. Grrrrr. I miss New York. Get in. Get out. Don't make eye contact.
I'm hot. I'm cranky.
I need a dipped cone from Dairy Queen.
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