Have a Nice Day.

Please lean forward while riding this escalator.
Please do not lean on the handrail.
Have a nice day.

In a city where the escalator tells me to have a nice day- I'm kind of feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps that is not the right word. I'm not overwhelmed just over stimulated. Over It.

I realize it has been a long while since I've written. The main reason is that at work (where I do my blog writing... of course) my friend Heidi has be hired to sit along side me at the reception desk. So, where I have been doing quite a bit of training and explaining I have also been doing quite a bit of chatting. So.. that is that.

I'm such an emotional heap of nerves and bothered-ness today. For no good reason really. (Although, below I will share a few of the things which I am choosing to blame it on.) I've just spent the first four hours of my work day trying to find somewhere to go this weekend. Or next weekend, or the first week in August. Anywhere would be fine. Anywhere the train will take me where I could get around alright without a car. It's the vacation time- travel season & I really just want to go somewhere where I can unwind a little. I'm always wound up here.

Chris has been surfing and camping, my sister just returned from Niagara Falls, friends go to DC & Boston all the time and still, I remain in NYC every weekend. I've got to get out of this place.

Today the city smells horrid. Not only did I dodge mounds of dog crap on my way to the subway- but a dead bird. Last week with the temperatures creeping well over 100 degrees I couldn't mentally handle the cramped, humid subway station and took the bus (albeit a longer commute) instead. And this morning when the escalator at Grand Central told me to have a nice day, I wanted to kick it.

It's just today. Tomorrow it will all change. Whereas yesterday I felt smooth, sexy and confident- loving my summer glow and being a part of this Wonderful City, today I feel fat, oily and I think my toenail might fall off at any moment. (It's the one next to my big toe. My second toe is longer than my big toe, thus when I run it often gets blistered and callused & now I think that the pressure may have just been enough to pop that thing right off.)

I'm not jealous of the weekend getaways and excursions I often opt out of. I just need something. One night at a B&B or an entire day to myself walking along the Boardwalk.

I should have known: all of the mishaps and oddities of today thus far are the perfect ingredients for a Piss Poor Day.

I opted to sleep through my 6-7 jog, even though I knew I wouldn't make yoga tonight because of my book study. I took one preemptive Aleve this morning - (something I rarely do)- because of the pressure in my head. This is possibly caused by the rainy heaviness that has been hanging in the air since this weekend which has made me appreciate breathing even more. It is raining now, but I fear it won't be enough to wash away this desire I have to unravel.

And I'm taking a hormone (day 5 into 7 days...) that is supposed to help me "reboot." So far: nothing, which is frustrating but at least it is a step toward solving the mystery that is my body. Well maybe.

My iPhone died and now I'm using my Motorola Razor from 2007 (and it's pink no less). Texting is a joke, I can't check my emails, and I don't even know who is texting me when they do text- since I have no contacts stored in my old phone. I don't reply to people quickly- which I'm sure makes me seem like a stuck up, disinterested, uppity snob. And just for the record I am barely capable of turning the television/ cable/ PS3/ sound system on when Chris is gone, much less finding the shows I want to watch. ---(This is a story all unto itself, however we've had thorough tutorials now and I have taken notes in my spiral.)

Chris leaves for Maine tomorrow. My mom and brother will be here next week. I'm going to a musical, a Dave Matthews Band concert and a restaurant to celebrate restaurant week all this week- but I'm still being bratty.

Filling up my schedule is not what I want to do. I just want to be content. Be in touch with what my mind/ body/ spirit needs and when. I want to walk worthy of the calling and make a difference. I want to disciple and be discipled and smile from my heart and not my head. I want to carry a bottle of lavendar pillow spray with me everywhere I go & do sun salutations when I feel my mind starting to pull me away from what I know is true: that I'm where I am supposed to be. For such a time as this.