Spinning

Literally.

This morning, when I sat up and put my feet on the floor, the room would not stop moving. So, I laid back down. And I continued to try and get up for about an hour- making trips to the bathroom the entire time. After relocating to the living room and cranking down the air conditioner I still felt awful: nauseous, sick to my stomach, still moving round and round and round.

At 7:30AM I called my co-worker (because texting would have been too much effort) to let her know I'd be late and hoped to make it in by 10:30 or so.

I lie there thinking about the steamed spinach, the seaweed, and red bean and rice cake I bought in Koreatown the night before. I though about the chiropractor adjustment that had made me see stars and the minimal acupuncture I received after work the day prior. I've never experienced such dizziness and an inability to sit or stand, much less walk. If nothing else, I will just lay here all day... thinking about all I could be doing if I could stand. Or walk. Or move at all...

But at 9:00 I was able to shower. So, I decided I should throw on some clothes, minimal makeup and head to the train.

Because there were no saltines to be found in our home, I ate some of Chris's cereal with almond milk. On my way down the elevator stopped three times- all for mothers with strollers. So this must be when they leave the house.... The dizziness was gone, but I still felt a little spaced out, like I was floating. Dreamlike. Surreal. I made it to the train and I liked the pace of my neighborhood at 10:00. Much slower. More livable. Nice even.

I go through this mental list of "What made me feel so terrible and what can I do to avoid it happening at all, ever again?" But I am not really in control of when my stomach gets upset, or what makes me feel like hurling. (Although I did throw out the rest of my Korean food finds...) I am not in control. Period. I can manage my emotions, feelings, reactions-- but I can't truly determine my own destiny.

Now I wonder if it's the medication I am taking... Yes, yes that is it- I tell myself. I call my sister who's a pharmacist. She tells me that women issues and hormones and "all that stuff" are so confusing that she doesn't remember what exactly they discussed in school. Our hormones are such an interesting thing. It's all so fragile and when not working properly or the tiniest thing is off kilter- Wham- headaches, mental fog, irritability (just to name a few!) ensue. Then, I read the side effects to this prescription online. This statement doesn't make me feel much better:

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects.

At any rate, I took one more pill and hoped for the best. I hate not feeling myself; groggy, sickly, that heaviness in the pit of my stomach that could mean I'm hungry, or drank too much water, or need to use the bathroom or that this medication is wreaking havoc on my system!

(PS- No, I'm not pregnant but thanks for asking.)