Change of address

Can I just be honest with you?

Can I tell you what I want, what Stefani would like? Here's the deal:

Just a little space (not too much, not bedrooms I never go in, not two bathrooms, just a space for my shoes and purses and tubs of clothes I'm currently not wearing but can't seem to part with)

Some windows

Something green to look at outside those windows

Quietness

A non-anxious pace outside my apartment building

To not pay so much in rent that we can't save as much as I'd like

Now... here's the other deal. I know that we are being called to do things that are not in line with my "life-long wish list." But there are things that are bigger than my own personal wants. Am I willing to put aside fulfilling my selfish desires and submit to Christ's desires for my life? (And ultimately I will be happier there I know. But right now my way makes more sense.) There are things more important than getting my way.

In the past three months Chris and I have been living step-by-step, literally. Not knowing what will be around the corner. Prayers have been answered, miracles have unfolded, we've been tested and worn out and have seen shoots of life and promise spring up from the soil that I swore would never produce anything good ever again. God has been faithful, even when I doubted and winced and thought, "really? Really...?"

....

Yesterday on my commute on the five train I peered over a woman's shoulder as she was reading The Psalms. This jumped out at me immediately from Psalm 90:1, Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.

So, there it is. Upper East Side, New Jersey, Yonkers, Astoria, or twenty blocks south to a well-lit, quaint, loft apartment with a spacious living room -- it doesn't matter. The Lord is our dwelling place. And maybe some of those handbags, need to go. And maybe three pairs of black boots is too many. And maybe packing a large suitcase with some trinkets and some jewelery and some colorful tops for Chris to take with him to Rwanda in July is what I need to do.

These are baby steps, really, in what God is calling me to. Getting rid of stuff, donating stuff, helping homeless men and women, or people if far away countries who literally have nothing should not be painful. Stuff is stuff. Wood, hay, stubble- you can't take it with you. But somehow the sacrifice is still a little stabbing. And it's those moments I realize how far I have to go. I am materialistic and I do like my stuff. (I just want a nice sized kitchen and a decent closet.... Why? to keep my stuff.)

...

We have found a space. We will have a home June 15th. Is it my first choice? No. Is it lovely and nice and do I live in the richest zip code in the world possibly, Yes.

I look forward to this summer, as Chris and I move forward into this next season of our lives. We've been in NYC four years this July and I feel like a new chapter in our journey begins here. Not that the past four years have been terrible, but the foundation was being laid. Growing, nourishing and healing had to happen and now we find ourselves Here.

Here: without a flowerbed of my own, or a walk-in closet, or a tomato plant to water, or a patio to grill on-- it's gonna be good because we are right in the center of His will, the best place to be.

Luke 22:35

He also said to them, "When I sent you out without money-bag, traveling bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?"

"Not a thing," they said.