hanging on

“Other people seem to get so addicted to the adrenaline rush from stress that they gravitate to high-pressure jobs and keep piling on new challenges; some subconsciously push deadlines and complicate projects, creating stress unnecessarily.

Put someone like that on a beach for a week, and it's no wonder they can't relax. For them, the best vacations involve physical or mental stimulation, anything from hang-gliding to culinary classes.” from- The Wall Street Journal, Why Relaxing is Hard Work, by Melinda Beck

You guys, I'm a stress junkie!!!

And unfortunately it's not a good thing to be a perfectionist/ do it yourself gal/ busy-body/ OCD. I thought it was for far too long. I read this article recently and was shocked to see that there are other people like me- and that you really can be addicted to being needed- to micromanaging- to the very idea that things will completely fall apart if you might step away.

And I'm sad to admit that I failed this quiz - or passed. However you look at it, endorphins are my drug of choice.

For those of you who won't read the entire article:

“For some people, the withdrawal of stress can be similar to withdrawing from steroids—including changes in glucose metabolism and dramatic mood swings.”

“Faced with a threatening situation, the body's primitive "fight or flight" mechanism pumps out adrenaline that primes the body for action, raising the heart rate, tensing muscles and slowing digestion.” That explains alot.

I do realize that I'm killing myself- a slow death, really. And I hate to admit that my friend in Texas has emailed me three times and I have yet to respond. And a friend in NYC- twice, "just checking in" and I've not yet written. I thought about writing them back in this ten minutes instead of posting, but hoped that they would read this... (How's that for a true friend?)

Know that I'm not drowning, I'm just busy. And the "marketing girl" is vacationing in Barbados this week. So, what does that mean for receptionist Stefani? She is now the marketing department. As well as the receptionist/ HR department/ copier fixer/ package deliverer/ "Good Morning, how was your evening?" welcomer. This is why I just want a 9-5, blackberry free, no late nights, no early mornings job. And I'm thankful that I can afford to have a job like this (usually), so that I can write, play, live...

But it's not just work that I give so much to. It's everything I do. Quite frankly- I'm proud to admit right here right now that there are dirty dishes in my sink, tennis shoes in the livingroom, dirty clothes on the floor & possibly half a bag of uneaten trail mix on the kitchen counter. -- I'm living on the edge, no?

I hate that I care too much. That I try so hard, when it feels like most people don't. When it feels like the "marketing girl" left this mess for me to deal with intentionally.