A Shepherd's Prayer (or Stefani's Prayer)

So, is this it? Really? Because I was expecting something a bit more grandiose. Something more, well, just plain bigger.

This seems so simple, almost too commonplace in a way.

I realize this is a big deal, everything that is going on around me is meant to be- as it is- and I don’t want to miss any of it but in so many ways I feel like I already have.

So, this IS it. I know it is. I just wish I could see how I was a part of this bigger picture I know that I AM a part of. And I wish that I didn’t feel so lonely and lost and misunderstood. How will anything I do or say make an impact on what is to come? And what do I have to offer anyway? I’m not wealthy nor do I hold a position of power. I’m not talented or well known or even well liked for that matter. I’m just me.

I expected a very noticeable stopping point in my life- my desires, wants, fleshly faults to suddenly alter overnight; a feeling of being changed. A feeling of where the old ways end and the new ways begin.

But that hasn’t happened. I’m still me: a bit insecure struggling with self-loathing and anger and wanting more than I already have.
I am just one person, and I DO believe, but I wonder if I have the capacity to believe enough, or to trust enough or to follow enough. I have Faith and I know Truth, but I’ve seen very little of either in the lives of those around me. I’ve seen miracles and experienced God’s presence & know he is at work all around me. I’ve seen enough to know Jesus is the Son of God.

So is it wrong that I feel like I’m on the verge- constantly on the edge of something really great that doesn’t quite come to fruition? Is what I’m going through right now another one of these times? (Photo credit marvelsphoto.com)