Because we're all so hot

Here's a picture from February. Brrrrrr? Chilly. Freezing Cold, right?

Today the heat index in NYC is supposed to reach 115 degrees. And I worry about another blackout. My mind immediately goes there. I can not imagine what that would be like, especially with Chris gone- not that he could protect me from heat or whatever it is I'm worried about- but at least he'd be here with me. Going through this mess!

I am currently avoiding the subway (AKA Dante's tenth level of hell). This means it took me an hour to get 20 blocks on the bus yesterday at 5:00pm. An hour to get a mile, but I was not about to walk. No sir.

To stay cool I am wearing cotton and avoiding synthetics, drinking tons of water and coconut water and my Emergen-C (electrolytes rule!) Ponytails, tinted sunscreen and watermelon have become a part of my daily routine. I also find that listening to more subdued music with a slower beat keeps me from going mental as I gasp for each breath.

...

However this weekend, I am escaping this city, perhaps not the heat- but the metal and concrete and car exhaust that leaves me feeling buried at the end of each day; caked up with a brown film that doesn't wash off with Dove bar soap. It's simply oppressive.

Today at 4:30 I'll board the Metro-North and get of at Peekskill which is right across the Hudson from West Point, just an hour away. From there I'll catch a taxi to the Graymoor Spiritual Life Center. I'm going on a prayer and meditation weekend Friday night thru Sunday afternoon. While this was my own decision and I'm going alone- I must say that I'm a bit nervous as to what to expect. What will we "do" all day? What is the agenda? Oh, yeah- prayer and meditation...

I'm going to be for the weekend. Not do. This is not work. This is a life experience. There are not supposed to be any expectations or rules or check lists that need to be marked off. It's an escape.

Going inside myself and learning more about me is hard. Asking God what he wants me to do and how he feels about___________ is hard. This (life I guess) is all happening in God's timing- and I see that, but it's still pushing me a little further than I'm comfortable with. So, I'm hoping I find solace and rest in the quiet and stillness and that I'm not just waiting for it to all be over. I have to let God be God and speak into those areas of my soul that I continuously ignore- thinking, it'll all come together somehow. Avoidance has not gotten me very far. And things aren't just going to happen.

In the alone,

in the stillness

in the thoughtlessness & purposeful quiet

I long to hear from my God.

Before the mountains were born,

before you gave birth the the earth and the world,

from everlasting to everlasting You are God. Ps. 90:2