Half Way There... (and living on a prayer)

So many emotions and feelings and thoughts run through me on a daily basis. Really, from one hour to the next I might feel extremely blessed, overwhelmed, underprepared, angry, frustrated, gratitude, underappreciate. It's exhausting. Moving back to Texas combined with establishing a new norm and finding community and preparing for a baby, and trying to find jobs- it's a lot.

 I'm sniffling through a bout of spring allergies right now. What first started as a runny nose and sneezing, turned into nightly drainage and crusty nose, now, I have a cough. And I’m drug free, so I hope it runs its course pretty quickly. At least I haven’t suffered any headaches since all this started last Friday, so maybe the pressure is finding a way out. My pregnancy headaches, severe at times, concern me- except that my blood pressure is still low- normal 92/60, so I guess I just have to deal with them. Tylenol, which is the only thing I can take, really doesn’t help and I don’t want to take it daily.

 Other than headaches, I really have no complaints at twenty weeks, none of that other pregnancy stuff you hear so much about: hemorrhoids, heartburn, constipation, varicose veins, swelling. None of it yet...  I could still eat a burger, daily. And I work diligently toward those 100 ounces of water and 100 grams of protein each day. I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually gotten there, but I try. This week, I’ve enjoyed Russian red kale, arugula, spinach, tuna stuffed bell peppers and spaghetti made with canned tomatoes from the farm! No more aversions, yay. I’m back.

 Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby, assuming all goes well. This will be our only sonogram since they are not routine for midwifery practices. THEN, we want to tell our mothers first, on Mother’s Day which will mean keeping this big mouth of mine shut for three days. Maybe I should just stay home.

Today I wrote my last journal entry without knowing whether or not we are having a boy or a girl. I know a lot of people wait to find out, but we just wanted to get to know our little baby a little bit more. We wanted a reason to celebrate. And, I know the day of their birth I will be so happy to meet him/ her that I would probably not even think to ask about the sex.

 A lot of the time I think I am such a mess. I am so not ready for this. I mean, I know I can do it, it's just I'm pretty sure my world has not been rocked to this degree ever before. Marriage. Moving to New York City. Getting published in Chicken Soup for the Soul the first time. Getting a tattoo that lasted three hours for the second time. These pale in comparison to bringing a child into the world. And it's coming ready or not!