The Positive Cynic

This is how a dear friend of mine described my writing. "It's like you are so honest and real. Your writing reveals the problems and fears in people, but remains hopeful. Like, even when speaking about someone you don't particularly care for, you leave the reader liking this person, or at least feeling a little sorry for them."

I'm not sure if this is a GOOD thing, but I believe it's true. So, I bash people and then I say, "but hey, we're all sinners." Okay, perhaps I'm not that bad, but from time to time I feel like my snarkiness is outweighing my sweetness and for that I feel a bit ashamed. (Thus the sweet picture here, at my parents home- see mom's new, beautiful kitchen? Sweet me and my sister Chrissy's sweet puppy Molly. So cute!)

Another friend said, "Stefani has the best 'non-poker-face' face." And it's true. You want to know how I feel, and I will tell you- if it's not written all over my face. Not that I think I'm right, per se, just opinionated. And maybe alot of the time, I do think I'm right. For instance:

-I think Chris should put his odor-absorbing foot powder in his shoes, versus on his feet. That's how my daddy did it.

-Popcorn should be popped in the microwave by pressing the popcorn button (if such an option exists) and standing by in case the popping ceases to avoid burnt popcorn. - Oh, and by the way, no smelly foods in the office microwave people!

-Fingernails should not be cut in public. Ever.

-If a package/ bottle/ container is empty it should be thrown away. In the correct recycling bin. Not back in the drawer, cabinet, refrigerator.

-Slower traffic keep right. Walking, jogging, driving, whatever... keep right!

Sometimes I think my way is best, even when I realize that there are others. (This is why I now pre-wash dishes before they go into the dishwasher & why we keep bread in the pantry vs. the refrigerator. Married life...) BUT, I think I expect alot of people. Like whomever spilt coffee all over the counter top in the kitchen yesterday at the office. I cleaned it up. I dug out the antibacterial wipes, I moved the coffee maker, and the utensil trays and I squatted on the floor in a suit mopping coffee off the floor, AND the I didn't spill it. But someone needs to do it. I think people should treat others like they want to be treated. (Sound familiar?) But, I know sometimes I am just mean.

Sometimes I want my way. I throw a 135 pound fit- well inside I do. And on the outside I make the 'non-poker-face.' Rolling of the eyes. Snarling of the nose. Emotionless blank stare- that reads, "You've got to be kidding me with this. Seriously?"

I need a finer filter. I really do. I hate feeling like NYC has made me blunt and upfront. The truth is, I think that New Yorkers are blunt and upfront. Many people I know and love here are very honest and forthcoming about their lives, feelings, setbacks, problems, etc. The reason: we are rushed and quite frankly, don't have alot of time. Time to get to know one another, time to get things done, time in the day, time that we may/ or may not be living in NYC. So, we're just honest with one another about who we are, not in a way to offend or step on toes, but in a way that lets people know the real person. Or maybe I'm just lucky and have found amazing people here, who I am lucky enough to call my friends, but I sort of see a trend.

Transparency is one thing, however, regretting 50% of the things you say in a day is another. And I'm not a sarcastic person, by nature. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, wrap them around me like a shawl and arrange them nicely in my hair. Just Monday Chris says to me, "You need to hang out with Molly more. She makes mom type dinners for McCarthy every night. Lobster, scallops, ....." Excuse me! "Does Molly get off work at 6:00 PM every night," I replied. He was just kidding. But he knows I hate being criticized (that was criticism right?, oh, it was a joke, right...) about my cooking.

1. Don't even get me started on "mom-type-dinners." I am just becoming comfortable realizing I will never be my mom. I can't cook like her. The last thing I want to do is stir up that bothersome feeling of measuring up to what I think I am compared to how great my mom is.

2. So, I guess tacos, lasagna, pork loin interspersed with soup, sandwiches, pizza, and pasta is a bit underwhelming? Sorry I get off work at 6:00 and my husband gets off work at 3:30. It sucks. I do what I can, and for the most part, I think I do a good job.

3. Molly and McCarthy aren't married. You fill in the blanks. Lobster? We'll go out before I cook a lobster in my home.

Currently, our church is considering whether or not to allow women elders. While researching and reading on the topic I found 1Timothy 3. Not that Chris is a deacon or elder in our church, but this is a good verse, and I want it to be true of me. I have read it before, but still. Being reminded is good.

In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. 1 Tim. 3:11

God, help me with the attitude that I like to call sass.