And now, at almost twelve noon, I'm munching on a Honeycrisp that I purchased at the Farmer's market I walked through on my way into work this morning. I already had my lunch in tow: baby lettuces with edamame, cucumbers with a side of tuna, with a Gingergold apple. But, it was the first Honeycrisp I've seen this season so I had to indulge. I also purchased a nice ripe tomato for .85 cents to add a little more to my salad.
Even though I started off the work week in the worst of moods, I'm doing better now. Better than sustaining- which is how I was floating through Monday. I don't know what happened to me Monday, but I just wanted to go back to bed and start everything over. I was snappy, short tempered, and just didn't want to be around people.
I am an introvert in extrovert wrapping. I love people, I do, but I am refueled and energized by my time alone. I have to have it. Over the past week I didn't get any time to myself. And my weekend was so busy. I didn't Sabbath. I didn't rest. I can't continue like this, it's not healthy or right or necessary.
Which is why I probably joined a gym yesterday. Monday on my walk home I stopped by this gym I pass all the time at 5:30pm. I haven't been in a gym in years. I mean, I worked out in the fitness center in our last apartment, but since our move in June I have done no physical activity besides walking everywhere. Just being in an enormous (36,000 square feet) workout space made my heart glad. I loved this place.
Initially I didn't know the prices, costs, fees and realize that all of that is subjective and arbitrary anyway. I mean when are there not deals, specials, offers that will "end tomorrow?" Gil gave me the grand tour and answered my questions. He told me about the amazing classes offered, how they are open from 5am-11pm, and that the membership is month-to-month. But I didn't sign up on the spot, I wanted to consider it for awhile.
And I wanted to talk to my husband about spending money that I know might be better spent elsewhere (getting out of debt...). So, I got to try out the place Tuesday morning, and was there bright and early at 5:30am. I stair-mastered, I ellipticaled, I lifted weights. It was glorious.
Gil called me Tuesday around 2:30pm, as I clearly expected him to. I told him my husband had given me the go ahead and that I'd be in to fill out the paperwork after I got off work.
Even though I can make this work in my budget, and desire fitness & want a place I can go and move around in three months when it's 40 degrees outside, it sort of made me nervous to make such a commitment. It's not that I won't go, or feel the price it unreasonable, it's just that I want to do it for the right reasons- for myself, for my health and to feel better. For energy and endorphins and just feeling like myself again.
But even as I put it in writing now, I know those things can not come from doing something. There is no miracle cure for what ails me. Maybe I can benefit from stopping something, or praying something, or slowing down to be something.
I don't know, it seems like I'm always trying to find the right balance, to feel like the best version of myself that I can. So I can live, really live, which I know is not what Christ desires for us. He's just ready for me to just say, "Yes, God, now, what is the question."
...
Last Thursday this passage popped up in two separate texts I was reading that day, and I knew then I should listen up. When something comes at me twice, in one day-- take note, LEARN it, KNOW it, APPLY it!!
Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.
Psalm 90:12
We are all born and we will all die. For those of us who are Christians, this body/ human flesh/ Earthly part is just part of our eternity. And are we living eternity minded? Do I live like I care- about anyone besides myself? Do I believe what I say I believe and if so why do things like being without my engagement ring, out of network providers, and expensive flights seem to devastate my day?
Chris told me last week that I should live each day thinking that I only have to do what God wants me to do for the day. That's it- no more, no less. Sounds perfect to me!
Chris told me last week that I should live each day thinking that I only have to do what God wants me to do for the day. That's it- no more, no less. Sounds perfect to me!
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