You'll get used to it

The other day I was headed out to lunch and I asked a co-worker if it was chilly outside, so I'd know whether or not to take my jacket. (and/ my scarf, or my umbrella...) "It's cold. But you'll get used to it."

Really? I've been here five years and I'm still not used to it. I don't want to get used to it. I have a different definition of cold than most of these people. I have a different internal thermometer, and maybe that is partially because of my southern roots, and largely because of my hardheadedness and overall bad attitude about the winter around here, BUT 49 degrees on October 2nd is too cold for me.

It was confirmed yesterday, however, by my general practitioner that my iron was low.... So, that may be a factor as well.

I was thinking about how I really don't want to get used to it. And how I some things won't feel normal, no matter how much time I spend here.

And even if I'm willing to admit that, I'm going to be pretty miserable unless I accept some of these things as cold, hard truth and decide to live in it and with it and among it. I know "every gray cloud has a silver lining," and all that, but I'm really ready to learn my lessons already and move forward into whatever it is that is awaiting me.

I know that I am holding myself back, scared of failure, scared of being vulnerable, scared of success even. It's a funny thing, when you realize that a more and better life- life the fullest- a life that is beyond your wildest dreams- is available. But so many people choose a nice quiet life, and never ever really live.

Life is risky. Nothing is promised us, mistakes will be made, we will hurt, cry, not have answers to some questions. But it is worth it to be who we've been created to be: creators, instead of accepting blase and taking the easy way out- a laissez faire approach.

Doing the right thing is hard. I don't want to take this huge bag of old underwear and towels and bed-sheets and socks and undershirts to the textile recycling. Textile recycling is not convenient and is only on Mondays and requires that I make three trips on three separate occasions. I'd much rather throw my old bathmat down the trash shoot at the end of my hallway and be done with it.

But, because the average New Yorker throws away 46 pounds of clothing and textiles a year (and textiles are the number one trash item in NYC) I just can't do it. These numbers bother me and the answer is easy. It just takes a little time and effort.

And I debated on whether or not I should pick up the keys I saw laying on the otherwise empty sidewalk this morning at 7:00am when I returned home from the gym. But I did pick them up. And I took them to CVS where they will call the person and return the keys. I just hope the phone number is still correct!! They also had a Food Emporium and a Duane Reade loyalty card on their keychain, but I opted for CVS. They seem like they have it together and are nice enough people. I even called the 1-800 number on the back of the little plastic card, and she's the one that directed me to just take the keys to the nearest CVS.

And I didn't have to do that. I mean I'm not tooting my own horn here, because trust me, I missed some opportunities just this past week. You know when that still small voice impresses something on you and you question it? Rationalize it away? Pray about it? Then an hour later when you're convinced that God was right-- it's too late?

That's not what I want the theme of my life to be.

"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap.

- Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics"