Misuderstanding

So, after my previous post, my husband is all "What do you mean your going to quit wearing sundresses- don't get rid of that purple one. And why do you want to grow up? And you don't want kids anytime soon do you? And I like you in headbands. What's gotten into you woman?!"

So, I just want to say that yes, I am still fulling embracing my youth and I'm not going to start wearing control-top underwear anytime soon. I am fine with living a cramped life in a STUDIO apartment in NYC. I am fine with eating oatmeal for dinner and wearing a bikini and I'm still considering tattoos. Just this last Sunday I was a little too short and too tight at church- God forgive me! Well, not really too short, but too tight. And I was singing on the Praise Team. "You look good, maybe a little too good," my Worship Director told me. I took her advice and wore my light sweater. (Thank God for her discernment and saving my butt from looking like a fool up there singing about God's goodness and mercy all the while shaking what my momma gave me.)

I'll be honest, it's hard to avoid the young, hip, short tight clothes. This is the best my body has looked in my entire life. And for that I am proud.... but sometimes I get caught up in the appearance thing....and for that I am a little embarrassed. I want to buy the shorter and the tighter because I never got to when I was 21.

People always, always assume that I am younger than I really am. And for a long time it bothered me. I took it as a complete insult. Am I that insecure, immature, or irresponsible? (Sorry couldn't avoid the opportunity for alliteration.) Or is it just my chubby cheeks? Most recently, "Did you move to NYC to go to college?" WHAT? No, as a matter of fact I didn't! But, I will say most people I meet in the city look amazingly beautiful for their age. Young even. I contribute it to the lack of sunbathing and the lack of children induced stress!

Appearance aside, I just want to project a mature Stefani. I feel mature. Not boring or old or predictable just confident. I don't need a $350 handbag to fit into the crowd. I don't need the trendy shoe of the season to be accepted. And I sure as heck don't feel comfortable shopping at Strawberry, H&M or Forever 21. Are you kidding me? When I was 21 I was a wreck!

I hadn't even stepped into these stores until recently- with a gal pal of 21 years old. She can wear sparkly pink leggings and turquoise shirt dresses that barely cover her tush. I don't want to. I don't want to wear a t-shirt that says, "Little Miss. Sunshine" or "I want my MTV." The oversized peace-sign earrings and seashell necklaces- gotta go. But I am keeping my red velvet heels, my pink coach purse, and my spaghetti-strap dress I bought at Anthropologie. (I LOVE this store!!)

Last year my sisters (22 and 25 at the time) and I went out late one night in NYC. I think I was the oldest girl in the entire club. After playing Michael Jackson, Jay-Z, and the Beastie Boys the deejay put on something my 28-year-old body could not find the beat to. I became a wall-flower. I had a great night with my sisters but I quickly realized how I didn't fit into this scene and I was completely fine with that.

There is a bar in our neighborhood that makes Chris and me feel the same way. A co-worker of Chris' is a partial owner and even with the incentive of free drinks, I just really don't want to spend time in a loud, crowded bar with complete strangers. We are the oldest people there (and the only married.) I do this melancholy thing where I flaunt my ring and look totally bored. Beer pong, Yankees baseball and slimy chicken wings are not my thing. Nor are they Chris'. I've thrown in the towel on all this. I prefer the frozen yogurt place right next door to the bar- a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles!

Maybe it's getting comfortable with myself as much as it is growing up. Some things I value, others I don't. I will pay $45 for a Broadway show, but not $15 for a Mets game. I will spend $100 for a pre-fix dinner during restaurant week, but think $12 is too much for a movie.