Winter Reserves

The long, lazy days of summer are drawing to a close and I have been storing up my Vitamin D on the sundeck. In no time at all I will be depleted again, longing for sunshine. I do love the Fall, it is my favorite time of year, but the summer has been exceptionally enjoyable this year. And lets, be honest, NY Fall's are much cooler than Texas Fall's. Today it is 68 degrees and it's still August.

I've been sweating out my impurities and stresses up on the sundeck most of the summer. This summer has been a time of reflection and I think I may have finally learned to chill-out a little. I look forward to routine again, but I am sort of dreading the routine as well. I don't want my life to be routine. To be full of "no surprises" and boring. Yes, even in NYC you can choose to live unto yourself, shelled up in a little cave of an apartment: one room, a mattress, a bookshelf, some canned corn, dirty clothes and a 2 liter of Diet Coke gone flat.

I think one thing I have learned this summer is that I need people, even when and maybe especially when, I don't think I do. I need my friend who is the Asst. Beauty Editor for a nationally recognized magazine. She takes me to movies and brunch and makes me get out. And sometimes she hooks me up with free beauty products. She's the kind of friend you don't have to have plans with. Sometimes we just go to Bed, Bath and Beyond together, or return stuff to Dwayne Reade. I need my foodie friends to introduce me to things like chocolate covered strawberry cupcakes, toasted marshmallow milkshakes and Frickles; my southern friends who miss Sonic and Hobby Lobby just as much as I do. People who know what Bluebell is and can clap on the "boom-chuck" correctly during Victory in Jesus. (People who know Victory in Jesus for that matter.)

I need my church girlfriends who, like me, may be childless and/or jobless. Girls with passion, who love this city some days and hate it on some days too. People who understand what it means to be called to a city- a place, even if it is for a season of their lives. Women who are nurses or actresses or writers or social workers or dancers or employees at The Container Store. Women from Texas and California and Connecticut and Massachusetts and North Carolina and Canada who are here now.

The girl who told me that my job does not define me. The girls who taught me that it's fine raking in a ton of dough as a receptionist, when you get your true enjoyment out of life from something else: producing, singing, acting, writing... whatever it may be. I love my ladies because they know the real me and love me nonetheless. They know I have weight issues and self-esteem debacles and sometimes loath the fact that my family lives far, far away. They know I don't want pets or kids (not in this 500 square foot studio anyway). They know I sometimes lose myself in being too much of a Wifey Wife. They know how badly I just want to be myself and feel comfortable there.

And my dear friend still in Texas who has both a dog (in the house) and a kid. I need her too. My friend who said, "You never have to apologize for being yourself" when I wondered if the e-mail I had sent her came across insensitive and inappropriate. I was being a little too snarky. Her comment made me cry. Only a best friend could say something like that. And my sisters, so far away. They are truly God's gift to me; a connection I cannot explain- and I could never image my life without them. Even though I'm the eldest, they've taught me volumes about growing up. And they love on our momma for me when I'm not there. My mom- the ultimate heroine in the women who have poured life into me. My far away encouragement: I feel their support possibly more than ever before.

Tomorrow is my first writing class of the season. I am looking forward to seeing everyone again. Somehow, after being in two writing classes together (20 weeks) you feel like you really know folks. Honestly, they know stuff about me even my momma don't know! It's therapeutic. Monday Chris heads back to school; kids don't start until Sept. 9th, so at least he has some buffer time with the other principal. I'm ready to fall into Fall, to go buy some Fine Point Sharpies, post-it-notes, and mail some more submissions.

"For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself." Romans 14:7-8 (vs. 8)