I need (another) vacation

Or a Christian counselor.
Or a large squishy chair in front of a roaring fire- book in hand
Or a day at the spa
Or a weekend road trip to.... anywhere that I can drive to
Or a new bright blue sundress- with a wide sash that ties in the back
Or a bottle of vintage wine
Or a cupcake
Or a hour away from the desk!

In spite of doubling up on my Vitamin D this morning, my heart feels heavy. I have a hunger so strong that 64 ounces of water and bag of Soy Crisps can not make the pangs cease. What's the deal? I got 8 hours of sleep, my endorphin fix, had a good breakfast with egg-whites, cottage cheese and a slice of lunch meat. I even had an extra cup of coffee this morning.

I want some time with my sharpies and journal. I want some time with a big poster board, Elmers rubber cement, a pair of scissors and lots of words and images cut from magazines and old text books and literary journals.

I'm really not mentally ill. I'm just experiencing a bad case of Cabin Fever where, I hate to admit, nothing excites me, nothing intrigues me and nothing seems to make me want to do, well, much of anything. I can't live like this, I do realize, and for the most part I don't. I power through! I mean, I'm up and at the gym by 6:00AM, in the shower, packing lunches and going to work. But I tried to get Chris to "call in" with me this morning. However, since today (and tomorrow) are his school's Performance Review --- he quickly shut down that alternative, lest I lure him into my scheme...

I realize that one's own happiness is a personal choice, somewhat. Alot in life we can not control. But smiling, laughing, keeping my mouth shut, admitting failure- these are things that I can choose to do- or not.

I recently read that a polling agency asked 1,000 people what they most desired in their lives. One fascinating result was that 90 percent of Bible-believing Christians said that they wanted these outcomes: a close relationship with God, a clear purpose in life, a high degree of integrity, and a deep commitment to the faith. Notice that these heartfelt desires are all things we as individuals can do something about without outside human help. Why are we so often our own worst enemy, or is that just me? I realize that I am the deterrence, the hindrance, the negative voice keeping me from achieving what it is I want to achieve.

Our Half Marathon is one month from today. After completing almost nine miles on Saturday, however, I am feeling much better about finishing thirteen miles. And I've actually followed my daily running plan/ regimen each day since.

((LUNCH HOUR))

OK- I told myself I would not feel guilty for indulging in a white cupcake with butter cream icing following my cup of vegetable soup on my lunch break. And I'm really trying hard not to. As much as my taste buds loved it, the load of sugar I just dumped into my stomach is making my tummy a little rumbly. But it was good and I chose to eat it. And I will not feel guilty. Or sad. Or like I am less of a person. Because I know I will not put on five pounds overnight for eating one cupcake.

Come on Spring Time. SAVE ME!!