Really? Cause I'm not feeling it today. Today is an, "I am mad and the city day." See, me and New York we have an unstable, troubled relationship. Some days I am madly in love with the city. I love the crowds and the noise and the exotic foods and the expensive rents and the way I am identified as a New Yorker. I see my future children playing in the park and my life without a car from now until forever.
Other days are like today. The bus is too slow, I am tired of walking and arriving everywhere with sweat under my boobs. I'm sick of toting around everything that I would normally have in the floorboard of my car: books, journal, water bottle, light jacket, after work snack, shoes. The air is toxic the people are mean and I am not cut out for a place like this.
Today was honestly not as bad as some "I want to leave this place" days. I think the real reason I want at least a 24hr break is because Chris is not here. He is out there somewhere in America riding a motorcycle. He is seeing mountains and rivers and trees so tall that the top is somewhere in the clouds. And I want to be there. I want space. I want to hear nothing.
When I watch fireworks or the pulse of the ocean or hold a sleeping baby my mind is still. I want to feel like that. I try to be an independent woman: strong, fearless, sassy and brave. But I can't walk down the sidewalk in my 3" pumps and I'd rather sit in the park reading David Sedaris than be chatty with people I don't even care about in some mid-town bar while drinking an $8.00 glass of wine. I am not as cool as I think I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment